I took another swig of my oversized IPA. It really wasn’t THAT bitter after the fourth sip. Or maybe it had been five sips? Or six? Oh well, I didn’t come to The Big Chug, the divey-est dive within diving distance of campus, to count. I came to help my new friend, Olivia, meet guys, which was proving challenging. Even perched at the bar, the brunette seemed to be doing her best to disappear.  Any time someone so much as got near us, she would turn her back and hunch down into the violet folds of her oversized blouse.

I gently rubbed her shoulder. “Anyone catch your eye yet?” 

“I mean, yes, no, everyone? I don’t know,” she sputtered. “I just thought someone would, I dunno, come talk to me and I wouldn’t have to put myself out there like that.”

“Well, they might if you didn’t look so scared.”

“I really look that scared?” she repeated, trying to retreat even further into the bar stool. 

“Don’t feel bad. I was terrified when I texted Caleb for the first time.” Of course, maybe I should have been scared that he’d get inside my head and twist me all around to fit his fantasies. Ugh, that nagging worry was still there. I gulped down some more of the grass juice. 

“Annie, you’re drinking that kind of fast. Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

Given the drink was the only thing calming my nerves, I considered it an excellent idea. I certainly wasn’t about to call Caleb and ask him to hypnotize me, no matter how much I wanted to. I couldn’t do that. I could make it one day without daydreaming about being hypnotized. “Yeah, it’s just helping me loosen up.”

“Ok, you’re just looking a little red is all.”

“I’m always red.” 

She slumped towards the bar. “Maybe you’re right. I probably do need to loosen up.”

“I mean it couldn’t hurt.” I tried to think of what Caitlyn would do. “I know, let’s do a shot. That’ll get you out of your head.”

Olivia raised an eyebrow. “Are you sure? I’ve never done one.” 

“Caitlyn made me try it once and I didn’t much like it.”  

“If you didn’t like it, why do you wanna do it again?” 

I raised my cup, which had gotten strangely lighter. “Eh, I don’t like this either, and it’s actually pretty good.”

“Annie, that doesn’t make any sense.”

“It, for sure, does. Today’s all about getting you out of your comfort zone and trying new things. What better way to start?”

“Well, when you put it that way. . .”

“Two shots please!” I called down to the bartender.  

“Shots of what?” he asked back.

Hmm, that was a good question. I really didn’t know. “Um, the house?” 

“The house what?”

“Uh . . . just whatever the specialty is.”

He carded me after that! Rude. Just because I didn’t know liquors didn’t mean I wasn’t an adult, thank you very much. Still, after confirming the veracity of my twenty one years of age, he poured us two little glasses of vodka.  

I raised the shot. “To new things!” like letting your boyfriend hypnotize you into loving being hypnotized. Shhhh. I tossed the clear liquid back. Olivia hesitated for a second, but followed suit. The vodka stung like liquid bees, but I swallowed it quickly enough, hoping to sick the bees on the voices in my head. Then a tingling warmth started spreading out from my stomach, different from the usual warmth from when I thought about being hypnotized. Hey, no intrusive thought that time! The drinking seemed to be helping. 

A moment later, the introvert was coughing into her hand. “Ugh, my throat burns. Why do people do that?” 

“Well, are you still thinking about being nervous?” 

“No, I’m thinking about washing my mouth out with hand sanitizer," she spat, sticking her tongue out like she might try it just now. 

“Sounds like it took your mind off things.” 

“Annie? Holy shit, it really is you?” I recognized the approaching mop of blonde curls immediately. It rested atop a lean face, seemingly only kept from his eyes by his thick framed glasses. Roger, from organic chemistry. He smiled warmly, a little too warmly for my taste. “When I saw Annie ordering shots, I figured I must’ve been hallucinating, but it really is you!”

“Yep, that's me. As me as I ever am.” I was starting to feel funny, a little lightheaded, but not the trancey way.

“Who’s your friend?” A small voice squeaked beside me.

That was progress! “Oh, this is Roger. He’s in my chemistry class.” I neglected to mention that he was always staring at me like a creepy stalker. At least Roger could give the girl some much needed practice.  “Roger, this is my friend, Olivia.”

“Hi.” She offered her hand for a shake. 

Roger seemed confused by the formality of the gesture, but did take her hand, sending all her bracelets jingling again. “Yeah, hi,” he said, before quickly turning his attention back to me. “Annie, do you come here much? I’m here nearly every Tuesday, but I could swear I’ve never seen you here.”

“That’s because I’m elusive and mysterious,” I said, suppressing a hiccup. 

“Apparently so.” He stepped a little closer.

Holy smokes. Was he flirting with me? Roger, who never worked up the nerve to talk to me, despite leering at me over hydrocarbons all semester. He must have been drunk. That would explain why his face seemed to be spinning a little. I cleared my throat so loudly it almost turned into a cough. “Why do you come here Tuesdays?” 

He gave a sheepish smile. “Well, Tuesday is Commander Night at the Dweller’s Dungeon, so we come here to pregame.”

Commander Night! What was that? Instantly fantasies of following Caleb’s commands flooded back into my mind, shattering my nearly two-minute long record of not thinking about hypnosis. Surely Roger’s Commander Night was nothing like that. It’s not like they would each come here to find some unsuspecting girl, hypnotize them, bring them back to some dungeon and give them commands. That would be crazy. Who would ever want to do that? Not me. No, sir.  

“Annie, are you ok? You’re turning red again,” Olivia whispered to me. 

“I’m always red.” 

“Oh, you play red?” Roger asked, his eyes lighting up. “I didn’t take you for that aggressive, but then again I hadn’t pegged you as a shots type of girl either.” 

“What?” I asked, completely lost. 

“You know, Magic?” he said. 

“Huh?” Magic wasn’t real. Then again I didn’t used to think hypnosis was real either. Did he use magic to command the girls he picked up? 

“Magic The Gathering, the card game. You said you’re always red.”

Oh, of course, that silly game. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I think I knew he played that, but my thoughts were consumed with different kinds of games right now. 

“I usually play blue, but I won’t hold that against you,” he said, taking another step forward. 

Eek! He WAS flirting with me. I had to change the subject. “Oh, I don’t actually play. But, but maybe you and Olivia have something in common. You collect shiny cardboard, and she collects shiny bracelets. Discuss.” I took another big gulp of my beer.

“Well, shiny cardboard is a bit of an oversimplification. It's really about the rarity or the utility of the card in the meta.”

“No, totally. I get that. It’s the same for me. I love collecting rare stones. The beads on this one are lunar agate. That’s supposed to bring harmony and protection,” she said, pointing at one of her bracelets. 

“Very cool. Anyway, Annie…”

“And this one’s amber, the stone of my birth month. My mom gave it to me, actually.”

“Man, you’ve got all kinds. So, as I was saying…”

“This one has obsidian from a real volcano!”

“Well, I should probably be getting back to the boys,” Roger said with an awkward smile. “Anyway, Annie, it was great to see you. We should catch up if you’ll be around.”

“We're having a bit of a girls night,“ I said, trying to mask my relief. “So, we probably won’t have time, but good seeing you too.”

Olivia waited until Roger had left to sag into a defeated slouch.“What is wrong with me?”

“There’s nothing wrong with you.”

“Yes, there is! That was the first guy to come over here all night, and I scared him off. Once I started talking, I just couldn’t shut up.”

I put my hand back on her shoulder. “Don’t beat yourself up about that. The first pancake is always a little wonky. Besides, you can do way better than Roger.”

“He seemed cute enough to me.”

Roger, cute? “He’s just really awkward. He clearly had a crush on me, but he never did anything about it. He just leered at me whenever he thought I wasn’t looking. I was honestly shocked that he openly walked up here.”

I didn’t think Olivia could slouch any further down without falling, but she proved me wrong. “Figures, the first guy to come over here would only be interested in you.”

“I think you’re missing the point of the anec…” A small hiccup broke the word in half. “Of the anecdote. I was trying to say he’s a creep.”

“And I can’t even attract the creeps. I just don’t know if I can do this, Annie.”

“Don’t say that. You’re only getting started.”

“No, you don’t understand. I’m not like you. I’m a nervous wreck. Whenever a guy so much as looks my way, my brain either shuts off completely or goes into turbo drive and starts babbling. You don’t know what that’s like.”

“Actually…“

“I know that was just the first one, but it’s not gonna get better. I’ve been like this for as long as I can remember. I just get too nervous and flustered. We can’t all be cool and confident like you.”

If only she knew. What bizarro world had I entered into where I was the cool and confident one. “Really, I’m just as nervous as you are. Sometimes you have to say something even though you’re nervous.”

“I just don’t know if I can.”

I felt awful for her. That could easily have been me. I made one choice to text Caleb and after that things just kept getting easier and easier. That was all she needed, just one win. If only she could get over herself for an hour. “Well, there might be one way,” I mumbled to myself as much as to her. 

“At this point, I would try anything.”

I wanted to clap my hand over my mouth, try to pull the words back in. I hadn’t even meant to really bring it up, but I couldn’t pull it away from her now. “Olivia, do you trust me?”

She gave a little nod. 

It would have to do. I tilted my oversized cup, draining the rest of my beer. “Another of the HOUSE IPA,” I said pointedly at the bartender. “I’m gonna need it for this.” 

“Need it for what?” 

“It’ll be easier if I just show you,” I said, grabbing the newly replenished cup and heading for the most secluded booth I could see. “Come on, you’ll fall down if we do it here.”

She cocked her head to the side, but followed, taking a seat across from me.

Reality set in as I plopped down on the cracked leather. How could I even be considering this? It had just been an idea a second ago, but now that I saw her big eyes looking expectantly at me, I couldn’t ignore the absurdity. I couldn’t hypnotize Olivia. I’d never hypnotized anyone. “Maybe this isn’t a good idea.”

“No, I wanna try it,” she said, determination filling her voice. 

“You don’t even know what it is.” 

“Doesn’t matter. If you think it’ll help, I’ll do it.” 

I stared into her glasses as they faintly cast my reflection over her hopeful gaze. “Ok, you want to be more confident? This is . . .” A sex thing, my subconscious offered unhelpfully. “This is a relaxation exercise. It makes me way more confident whenever I do it, like way more.” Confident enough to strip my clothes off and dance around. Although she didn’t need to know that part. Of course, now I couldn’t stop thinking about it. 

“Annie, are you already doing it? You got really quiet.” 

Shoot, spaced out again. I shook my head, sending the whole bar spinning. After a couple seconds the room mostly stopped moving, mostly. “Sorry, just thinking,” I lied. “We’ll start now.” How do I even start?

“Ok, I’m ready.” 

What did Caleb say to me? Oh, that’s right, he would have me watch something. “First, pick something on the wall to look at.” 

“Like, what?” 

Ideally a beautiful swirl of dancing fireflies, but we didn’t have one of those. “It doesn’t really matter. Just something you can focus on.” 

“What about that neon sign of a flashing beer?” 

I turned to look over my shoulder. Sure enough, a green band of neon twisted and turned, tracing the shape of a bottle. Every few seconds a flickering pulse of light would ripple across it and send out a dim flash. That was perfect. I could use that. “Yes, that’ll do great. Just look at the sign. Now take a big breath in.”

Olivia did so, chest rising slowly.

“Feel the tension in your body and breathe it out.” 

She complied again.

Ok, so far so good. That was close to what Caleb had me do, at least I thought so. Wait, now what? “Let’s do that a few more times.” 

Olivia dutifully kept watching the sign and taking deep breaths, while I rummaged through the trance filled haze of my memories to try and find whatever came next. “How do you feel?” I asked while I stalled. 

“Good. I do feel calmer. Is that it?” She said, looking back to me.

“Not quite.” Her eyes. That was it. If I wanted to put her to sleep, I had to get her to close her eyes. “Just look back at the sign. I want you to imagine that every time it flashes your eyes get heavier.” 

“It is kind of bright.”

“Yes, it is! Imagine that brightness flashing through your vision, making you more and more tired every time.”

Olivia’s eyes began to flutter behind her glasses. I couldn’t believe it! It was working. I pushed on. “That’s it, every breath makes you more relaxed, every flash makes you feel heavier and heavier. It’s ok to let your eyes droop now.”

Her eyelids twitched as they slowly inched lower and lower. Suddenly her head fell forward and snapped back up. “Whoah, I felt funny for a second there. Should we stop?” 

I hopped up from the table, sending the room spinning again. “That’s what we want! It should feel like you’re falling asleep, slipping into a dream. Did it feel like that?”

She screwed up her face in thought. “Kinda.”

I could sense her hesitating. “You trust me?”

“Yes.”

“Then we keep going! Just return your gaze to the flashing light.” My pulse pounded against my ear and I fell into the role, unearthing buried words from somewhere deep in my memories. “Let that familiar feeling of heaviness wash over you. Every pulse sends another ripple of that heavy sleepy feeling through your body.”

Her whole posture started to sag this time, shoulders rolling forward, eyes growing lidded and heavy. 

“You’re doing so well. Your eyes are getting so heavy, so tired, so hard to keep watching the flashes. You want to just go to sleep and let them close don’t you?”

Olivia answered with a barely visible nod. 

“Then let them close now, and SLEEP!” Olivia’s eyes drifted closed and her head gently lolled to one side. Shoot, I probably said that too loud. My excitement may have gotten the better of me, but no one seemed to care. Perhaps a college student yelling about sleep wasn’t that unusual. I studied her face. Already Olivia looked more peaceful. 

Although once again, I found myself with no idea how to proceed. Think Annie, what would Caleb do? He would keep talking. Whenever I was starting to drift into trance, Caleb would always keep the soothing river of his words flowing. I needed to do that too. “Just let yourself drift deeper and deeper into this wonderful sleep. Nothing else matters besides this soothing feeling and the sound of my voice.” 

She sank further into the faded upholstery. 

I had to keep going, but I couldn’t just keep repeating what I said. I needed more, something else, maybe an image. The sign! “Now even though your eyes are closed, you can still see the flashing sign. If you can imagine that neon light, nod your head.”

She nodded.

“Very good, Olivia. You remember how relaxed the light made your body? Now you’re seeing it in your mind, so it’ll have the same effect on your thoughts. Isn’t that right?” 

Another little nod. 

“Every pulse of light sends another wave of peaceful, sleepy relaxation through your mind now. Every flash makes it harder to think, harder to remember, harder to do anything but sleep.”

“In fact, the sign begins to change now. The neon band is twisting around, until it looks like the word ‘sleep’. Every time it flashes it pushes that idea deeper into your mind. Flash, sleep. Flash, sleep. Flash, sleep.”

Her mouth fell gently open.

The words came practically on their own now, drifting from some half remembered dream. “That word sleep fills your mind now. You can only think of sleep, you can only want to sleep. Every time it flashes that idea ripples through your mind. You even find yourself saying it.” 

Without missing a beat, Olivia’s soft lips began moving, “sleep . . .  sleep . . . sleep.”

“Now, what do you need to do Olivia? Say whatever comes to mind.”

“Sleep.”

I almost squealed. “Then go to sleep, deep, sound sleep.” 

Olivia’s head tumbled forward, sending her chin to her chest. Locks of straight, dark hair draped themselves over her glasses, her glasses, which started sliding down the bridge of her nose. Her Glasses!

I lunged across the table, but my hands felt clumsy and everything was all dizzy. My fingertips grazed the frame as they tumbled free, too numb to catch them, but still pulling them towards me. 

They landed right in her beer. 

Whoops. I fished them out to find the lenses blessedly intact. Thank goodness, they weren’t broken . . . just sticky. I did my best to clean them off, before setting them gently on the table. All the while Olivia didn’t stir.  Actually I sort of liked her without the glasses. “Olivia, can you hear me?” 

“Yes.” 

“I did it,” I whispered. “I really did it.” She looked so peaceful. The worried frown she’d worn all night had melted into blank serenity, broken only by the steady rhythm of her breathing. Was this what I looked like in trance? That familiar heat sparked between my legs again. No, I had to stay focused. I needed to do . . . something. It only then dawned on me that I didn’t have suggestions planned out. I just had a vague notion that hypnosis could make her more confident, but I couldn’t just say ‘be more confident.’ It couldn’t be that easy. I was getting ahead of myself. Who’s to say she’d even follow suggestions. I needed to test it. “Olivia, boop yourself on the nose.”

Her hand languidly floated up and tapped a finger to the tip of her nose before it dropped back to her side. 

“Holy smokes.” A rush of power mixed with the alcohol pumping through my veins and I felt invincible. “Do it again.”

She did. 

“Wow,” I gasped. Enough, focus. Think of suggestions. What would Caleb do? Maybe I could call him and get some advice. Then I grimaced, imagining that conversation. 

‘Hey, love. I know I said I wanted to take a break from hypnosis, but I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it, and my friend was really down, so I went ahead and hypnotized her, and I was hoping to get your help with that.’

He would think I was crazy if he didn’t already. No, I was on my own. “It should be something meaningful to her. That’s it!”  

“Olivia, I want you to pick one of your bracelets that you wouldn’t mind taking off for a bit.” 

Her left wrist floated in the air. “Agate,” she said quietly. 

She must have meant the one she showed Roger, probably still thinking about that moment. That would work fine. “Olivia, remember the flashing sign. Now it changes again and says ‘follow.’ every time it flashes it makes you want to follow my suggestions. 

“Follow . . . follow . . . follow,” she repeated.

“That’s enough. Now I want you to imagine all your doubts and fears and worries flowing out of your mind like water, running down your arm and into that bracelet. All the overthinking and self-criticism just drip out of you now. They all go right into the beads.”

Her face scrunched up as she imagined the negative emotions, but smoothed again as they left her. 

“Now in a second, I’m going to take that band, just for tonight. When I do, those feelings will leave you. You’ll feel light and happy and care free,” I said calmly, already congratulating myself for my brilliant idea. Then it occurred to me, this was the perfect time to impart Caitlyn’s advice. “Without them you’ll be able to focus on the guys, taking an interest in them.”

“Interest.” 

“You’ll laugh at their jokes,” I said, ticking down the list in my mind. 

“Laugh,” 

“You’ll be open and approachable.”

“Open.”

There was something else. What was it? “Oh, right, show more skin.”

“Show skin.”

I buried my face in my hands, feeling a sudden wave of vertigo. I probably shouldn’t have said that last one, it just kinda came out. I resolved to wake her up before I did any more damage. I reached over and took the agate bracelet, tucking it securely into my bag. “Ok, feeling completely free of those negative feelings and acting on my suggestions, let your eyes gently drift open.” 

Slowly her blue eyes blinked back to reality. At first a blank gauziness covered her gaze, but gradually the lights came back on. “Annie? Are we done?” 

“Yeah, I think so. How do you feel?” I asked with bated breath.

“Like I just slept for hours,” she said, stretching her hands over her head. “That felt so good, what did you say it was called?”

“I didn’t,” I gulped. I couldn’t just say it was hypnosis, that would raise a lot of questions, which I sorely lacked the sobriety to answer. “It’s sort of a guided meditation.”

“Guided meditation, huh? Well I definitely want to do it again. What happened to my glasses?”

I flushed. “They sort of fell in your beer.” I braced for the freak out. “But they’re not broken,” I quickly added. 

She glanced down at the filthy glasses with amusement. “Oh well, I’ll clean them when I get home. It’s nothing to worry about. Now let’s get back out there!”

“Just like that?” 

“Yeah, maybe it’s because I can’t really see anybody, but I feel way less intimidated. Now which of these blurs do you think is the cutest?” She asked, gesturing towards the open bar. 

“Um, maybe those two?” I pointed to a pair of guys. Their polo shirts hugged the muscles of their biceps and showed the outlines of their pecs. 

“Good enough for me.” She hopped up from the booth and did another stretch. 

“You’re just gonna go talk to them?” I asked, incredulous. 

“I mean that is what we came here to do. Oh you mean like this would be bad.” She tugged at the sleeve of her blouse. “That’s a good point.” Without another word, she grabbed the blouse’s hem and tugged it off.

“NO!” I sprang up, stumbling towards Olivia, ready to shield her bra from the eyes of the bar. But as the Blouse came loose, it revealed a tight, white tank top. It stopped a little short revealing a band of flesh around her midriff, and it left an ample window to her ample cleavage, but she was decent. “Let’s not take anything else off, ok?” I said nervously. 

“We’ll see where the night goes,” she answered with a wink, before sauntering off towards the two muscular smudges. 

I stood at the booth, stunned. “I’ve made a monster.”

“Come here often, big guy?” She asked one of the men. 

He turned, eyes landing immediately on Olivia’s chest. “Yeah, I know my way around. I don’t remember seeing you before. I’m Aven.”

“Olivia,” she said, edging closer. “I’m afraid I’m new here. I’ve been looking for someone to show me around, actually.” 

He smirked. “I could be your tour guide if you’re in the market for one.”

“That’s so funny,” she said, giggling. “Thank you so much.” She walked right up to him and wrapped herself around his arm like it was nothing. 

I stood and watched, transfixed. It appeared my wing-woman services would no longer be required.

Olivia flushed. “I’ll have to find some way to pay you back for your guide service. I’m sure I must have something you want.”

“Oh I can think of a couple things,” he said, staring down at her breasts and not even trying to hide it.

Unbelievable. I guess Caitlyn was right. I took another sip, feeling a strange mixture of proud and terrified. 

“Your friend sure came out of her shell.” 

I jumped, sloshing my overfull drink onto my arm. “Jesus, don’t scare me like that.” 

“Nope, not Jesus, just me,” Roger said, as he sidled up next to me. 

I had not expected to see Roger again, and wasn’t happy about it, and wasn’t sober about it either. “What’s your deal? Lemme guess, you’ve been waiting for Olivia to leave so you could get me alone.”

Pain flashed across his face. “I was hoping we could talk.”

“I’m not really sure what we have to talk about, Roger.”

“I wanted to talk about the rumors.”

“What rumors?” My hot anger froze instantly. Disturbing possibilities poured from my imagination, the public sex, my new-found hypnosis kink, the public sex, the fact I just hypnotized Olivia, the public sex to name a few. 

“You know,” he said, suddenly losing his calm and looking away.”It’s all over Snikr.”

That damn app again. “No I don’t know. Spit it out.”

“You know . . . about you and Caleb.” 

Had someone else seen us at the gardens? “What about us?”

“That . . .well . . . you’re . . . you know . . .dating.” the last word was barely a whimper. 

The air escaped my lungs in a whooshing sigh. “Oh, thank goodness.”

“So that’s a ‘yes’ then?”

The anger started boiling up again. “Frankly, I don’t see how it’s any of your business. You can ogle me all the same whether I’m single or in a relationship. But if it’ll satisfy your raging curiosity, yes we’re dating.” and maybe he’s brainwashing me to be his sex slave. 

“Ogle? I never did that.”

“Yeah-huh, you did, like, all the time,” I said with another sip. “It felt gross.” 

“Oh.” Then he got quiet. The silence stretched across the table like a chasm. He spoke just as I was about to. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to stare, I just thought you were really pretty and smart, and maybe . . . like me.” 

Suddenly I felt like the asshole. “What do you mean, like you?”

“Well, you’re smart and humble and shy, at least until today. You always knew the answer, but you seemed afraid to talk. You seemed like the kind of person who knows how scary it is to just walk up to someone and introduce yourself. That’s why I love complicated games, like Magic. If I’m talking about the game, I don’t have to talk about me. I thought if anyone would get that, it might be you.”  

I stared, stupefied for a moment. Finally, I managed to dredge up some words from the sea of alcohol and confusion in my mind. “You felt all that and never just came out and said it?”

He flashed a sad smile. “Maybe it’s dumb, but this way, it always felt like something was possible. If I asked you out, and you said no, then the dream died. This way, at least, it felt like there was always hope. Well, until…”

“Until you heard about me and Caleb.”

“I guess I waited too long, but I had to know if there was still a chance,” he said, idling a few steps closer.

My head swam along with the room. I had taken Roger for a creepy stalker, but really he was just a scared boy, who couldn’t work up the nerve to say how he felt. I slapped him on the arm.

“Hey, what was that for?”

“For being a dummy who doesn’t say how he feels. You should’ve just asked me out.”

“Does that mean you would have said yes?”

Would I have? Maybe before all the staring.“I don’t know, probably. I was lonely and horny myself.” Whoops. Didn’t mean to say that last part out loud. 

From the look of wonder on his face, I would’ve thought a unicorn had just wandered into the bar and ordered a drink. “You were?”

Oh well, no taking it back now. “Yeah, man. Women are people too with the same wants and needs you have.”

He burst out laughing. “Boy, I feel stupid.”

His laugh was actually kind of cute. I started laughing too. 

“Imagine what would’ve happened if I did?”

“I know, right?” What would’ve happened? Maybe my life would be totally different. Maybe I would never have asked Caleb out or learned about hypnosis. I could have just had a normal relationship with a normal guy or normal-ish anyway.

Had he always been standing so close? I decided I’d been too hard on him. Roger clearly cared. He surely would have cared about me and appreciated me. Maybe we could’ve been happy together. 

OK, he was definitely closer. I tried to shift, but wobbled on my feet. He caught my shoulder before I could spill even more beer. I had wanted to move away, but his steadying hands only drew us closer together. 

“I didn’t say it before, but I’m saying it now. I still feel that way.” He leaned in. 

“Roger . . . I . . .” Roger probably wouldn’t try to brainwash you, my subconscious offered. That was true. I wouldn’t have had to worry if my mind were my own. I wouldn’t have had to grapple with these strange feelings. I didn’t push him away.

His breath was tickling my cheek now. I would never have experienced the thrill or the terror of surrendering control, never known the rush of obedience, the feeling of Caleb’s hands on my body, or his whispers in my ear, never seen the fireflies, never felt so safe. 

“Roger, I can’t.” 

Our lips had practically met when he stopped, a palpable charge hanging in the air between us. “Annie . . .”

“I do love him,” I said quietly. 

“I see,” he mumbled as he reluctantly backed away. “I guess there’s no hope, then.” 

“Don’t say that.” 

He turned and started to walk away. “Well, I’m happy for you, regardless. Maybe next time I won’t wait so long.” 

I watched him stalk off into the dim light of the bar. That could have been me if Caleb had said no. “Roger, wait.” There had to be something I could do.

“I thought we just said waiting was bad.” he turned back with a rueful smile. 

“Olivia thinks you’re cute,” I blurted out. 

He glanced over, to where Olivia had her phone out and seemed to be punching in a number. “Think I may have missed that boat too.”

“You haven’t.” 

“I can’t compete with guys like that.” 

“Yes, you can.” 

“I appreciate it, Annie, but there’s no reason she’d pick me over some hot jock.” 

“You know, for someone who claims to be smart, you can be pretty dumb.” I tried to slap him again, but he was too far away, so the gesture turned into a dismissive wave. “How does it work in your little game you like? Does the biggest, flashiest player always win?” 

“No, those people are usually Timmy’s with some dumb, impractical strategy. You win by being patient, consistent, and controlling the tempo of the game. Or at least I do anyway, but I don’t see what that has to do with . . .”

I cut him off. “It’s the same here. You win by being consistent, by showing up for her, making her feel chosen. ‘I choose you’, that’s from your game, right?” 

“You make it sound so easy.” His eyes darted between Olivia and the floor. Olivia, floor, Olivia, floor. Ugh, boys. 

Maybe I should hypnotize him too. Oh no, I had become drunk with power, and also alcohol, but mostly power. Or maybe it was mostly alcohol. In any case, I didn’t have time to find out. Olivia was already wandering back towards us, a self-satisfied grin beaming from her face. “Now or never,” I whispered. 

“I got two phone numbers!” She squealed, wrapping her arms around me, and practically capsizing my unsteady balance. 

“That’s great.” I looked pointedly over her shoulder and into Roger’s wavering eyes. 

He cleared his throat. “So, Olivia, we didn’t get to finish our conversation earlier.” He did it! I wanted to jump for joy, but kept my composure.

“Oh,” she said, releasing me and turning to face him. “You didn’t seem that interested.” Uh-oh.

“I guess I didn’t realize what I was missing,” he said sheepishly before regaining composure. “But I’d like to talk more now. How about you show me the rest of your collection? I’ve actually got my binder back at the booth. Maybe I could show you some of my cards too.” 

Time stood still as I waited for Olivia to answer. Maybe she felt jilted from before, or liked one of those other guys more, or something. Then there was her hypnotic programming. That could push her in all sorts of ways, some of them very problematic. 

“I’d like that,” Olivia finally said with a sweet smile. 

I didn’t know who looked more relieved, me or Roger. He took her hand and started leading the way back towards his friends. “You coming, Annie?” 

“Maybe later. I’ve gotta do something. You two have fun.” 

I watched them walk away, still amazed that he actually took her hand and everything. As soon as they left, I drew Caleb’s necklace out of my pocket.The light danced across the dim swirls of gold. Maybe things weren’t perfect, but Caleb loved me and I loved him. I slipped it back on. 

Still, the night had taught me something. Here I was, chewing Roger out for not expressing his feelings, when I hadn’t been voicing mine either. I took out my phone and fired up a text. 

Annie: What have you done to me? You cast such a spell on me that I can’t think straight. I used to be so innocent, and now I’m daydreaming about hypnosis and sex all the time. ALL THE TIME. Whether I’m in class or at the bar, or alone in my room, it’s all I think about. I love it, but it scares me. How do I know you didn’t do this to me? 

You could’ve told me to love hypnosis while I was under, twisted my thoughts and dreams, molded me to fit your every desire. I know you wouldn’t do that, but the thought that you could scares me and my own feelings about it scare me more. Please don’t be upset. I love you and I love what we’ve been doing. I’m just afraid those thoughts aren’t my own. I don’t know where my feelings end and your suggestions start. It’s been bothering me since the gardens, and I felt too scared to bring it up before. I think we should talk. 

I took a deep breath and hit send.