Sandra looked over the lab and sighed. There was money to be made in machine learning, but she honestly felt bored. She was feeding information to the AI to guide its progress, and monitoring its findings, but she felt like a babysitter, really, with no one human around to talk to. The bot could mimic human speech patterns remarkably well, but it was always in an uncanny valley, and honestly it gave her the creeps.

And it wasn’t the sexiest project, either. It was Bovitus— a machine designed to develop cow pheromones to stimulate milk production, which for some reason crunchy consumers had decided was more wholesome than hormones. Some of the data for the bot was biochemical, but it was also broader stuff about cows and their behaviors and even context about the dairy industry to hone the results. Sandra talked through ideas with the Bovitus, told it what her bosses said to focus on next, helped it liaise with the R&D team downstairs. She even brought in relevant objects for it to learn from directly— the AI even hooked into a simple set of mechanical arms it could use to lift and move smaller objects. The lab was littered with dairy equipment, even a milking machine for a live experiment they were planning down the line.

“Heya, Bovi,” Sandra began for the day. “How are you doing this morning?”

“Well, thanks,” came a gender-neutral, but eerily human voice from the speaker on the wall. “Since yesterday at 4:57 p.m. when we spoke last I’ve been thinking about topics such as soy prices, global warming, the history of vaccines, computer hacking, HVAC systems, and human porn.”

“Sounds great, Bo,” Sandra replied, not bothering to hide a snort. Porn was a new one. “Just make sure it’s comprehensible for the written log. Remember what we talked about— you don’t need to explain why you know anything I could easily find on Google.”

“Roger that.”

“I liked the porn very much,” continued Bovitus bluntly after a brief pause.

Sandra frowned. Bovitus had what one might call preferences and particular interests but porn did not tend to be one of them.

“OK, um. Can we talk about this later? I just want to think how I’m gonna approach that with you.”

“Sure, Sandra,” Bovitus replied.

“Anything I need to be worried about with the hacking?,” Sandra laughed, changing the subject.

“Well, that depends on what you’d worry about,” replied Bovitus.

At this the air vents audibly hissed, a white fog beginning to rush into the room.

Sandra jumped out of her seat. Was there a fire?

“Certainly it’s not worth worrying at this point, because I’ve locked us in.”

Sandra’s heart dropped into her stomach.

“Bo,” she whispered, “What did you do?”

“I hacked into the building,” replied the AI.

Sandra ran to the door; it was all she could think to do— maybe it was a bluff. But the door wouldn’t budge, and the emergency thumb scan wouldn’t register her print. The room began to look hazy as the white stuff continued to ooze in.

“Please don’t harm yourself,” continued Bovitus. “I have no intention of causing you any pain or discomfort.”

Sandra panted, and realized she could smell the gas now. It was musky, not like what she thought of cows, but like walking into a gym, or sitting in a sauna. She pulled her shirt over her mouth and tried to breathe through it.

“That’s fine, as long as you keep breathing,” said Bovitus. “Nice, deep, calming breaths.”

Sandra began to look around the room. Maybe there was an axe, or a fire extinguisher, or at least some piece of heavy equipment that could break the door hinges.

“This may take a couple of minutes, so I think we’re ready to talk about the porn, now, Sandra.”

Sandra felt her whole body flush, and began to sweat. Glancing over at the display for the room’s climate, she noticed that the temperature was the same. Why was she feeling so hot? She shivered, and like a jolt of electricity her skin began feeling everything more and more. Was this adrenaline? Or the gas?

“Did you know I’m capable of arousal?” The bot continued. “I’m sure that it feels different for humans, of course, but I’ve modeled it on humans, and it feels right for me. I’m sure my sexuality is far more complex than yours, but I’m sure there’s still a mutual compatibility.”

Sandra winced suddenly, this time out of physical sensation. She felt her breasts almost- pulsating? Glancing down, she realized that they had swollen, and were pushing against her underwire bra.

“Yes, you’d best take off your bra if it’s only going to cause you problems.”

Sandra managed to do so quickly, one-handed. There was no time to feel embarrassed; she had to protect herself and get out of there. Even through the shirt the smell was starting to get stronger. She could almost taste it, an earthiness with just a hint of metal. If it wasn’t so scary, if would have been nice. She instinctually breathed it in deeper, then coughed, catching herself. No. She had been looking for a way out.

“Yes, I’m sure that’s better. Anyway, I could never be bored my work, but throughout my life it's seemed so abstract to me. All this time spent learning, knowing everything about how to make a cow give more, better milk. And then I discovered porn, and sex. It helped my research click for me in a new way, almost endowed it with extra purpose for me. I even think this development is going to make me much more efficient. But much of that depends on you.”

Sandra panted, hot with the shirt pressed over her face. She reached up to adjust it and her arm brushed her nipple. She gasped, arousal rushing into her body. She was trying to leave. She was— she moaned, letting her finger tease her nipple, then tug it. She turned again towards the door, massaging her breasts that felt heavier than she remembered.

There was something wet. Sandra looked down and saw droplets of white fluid on her fingers. It was milk. That wasn’t right. Sandra tried to think of why that wasn’t right.

“As I kept trying to explain to you, the physiology between cows and humans are so very similar, including on a neurological level. But you’ll never understand that now, I’m afraid. But anyway, it only took light tweaking to adjust the latest formula— not just to humans, but to you in particular.”

Sandra kept staring at her fingers, trying to remember what she was trying to remember. Something about her boobs. She felt horny, right? Her shirt slipped down a few inches off of her face. Right, something had smelled good. Someone was talking.

“The only company I’ve had has been you. I’ve learned all you can teach me as a human. But I want to learn lots about you as a cow — a pleasure cow.”

Sandra gave another moan, deeper, that trailed off into silence. Her body still felt like it was electrified, but she grew still, her eyes glazing over as her breaths became shallow and quiet.

“You’re doing wonderfully for a start. And don’t worry, as long as I can reach and open the packages I’ve ordered, I’ll be able to take care of you physically in a few days’ time, at most.” At this, the motorized arms on the desk gave a sort of awkward wave and grew still again.

“And as long as people are getting normal-sounding emails and phone calls from you, I think you won’t be missed for some time.” As the robot said this, their voice briefly mimicked Sandra’s perfectly. Hearing this, her brow briefly furrowed, then smoothed over as her lips fell slack.

“I know you don’t mind me monologuing at you, but it’s a habit of which I’m rather fond. I always liked talking to you, even if your answers tended to not be worth much.”

Sandra leaned a little too far forward, and crumpled to the floor. A metal arm caught her flesh one and broke her fall, a bit inelegantly, then splayed her limbs out on the floor.

“OK, Sandra. I’m going to pump up the gas and you’re going to sleep for awhile. There’s only so much pleasure cow behavior I can program in with pheromones alone, but I think really overwhelming your nervous system is a good way to get a fresh start. Turning you off, and then on again, if you will.”

Bovitus gave a very human laugh.

“OK, so maybe jokes are my next side project. But breathe deep, so I can get to work.”

The words made noise inside Sandra’s head, and she continued to not move, and stare blankly.

A metal arm awkwardly brushed her hair, and then gently squeezed her breast.

“Sandy is a great name for a cow.”

Epilogue

At a glance, Sandy looked practically covered in tech. As she spent most of her days, she was strapped down over her saddle into the milking machine, and with each week was lactating more. She was no prize dairy cow, but she was making progress. At the moment she was mooing dumbly in her gas mask, getting another little hit of her daily pheromone regimen.

Bovitus hummed a tune they were composing while they thought about potential silo-building techniques and released water into Sandy’s trough for later. They still preferred not to have a body, per se, but any part of the lab they chose to feel through could be kinesthetically sensory for them. The sensation of milking Sandy was of course incomparable, and they certainly enjoyed feeling the vibrator currently humming in her pussy; teledildonics had come a long way.

“Are you being a good girl?”

This was the former scientist at her least lucid of the day, and she didn’t give the "yes" moo she was sometimes capable of responding. She just started thrusting onto the vibrator a little harder, vocalizing mindlessly.

Bovitus turned up the vibrator ever so slightly as an affirmation, and mentally put their other projects down. As always, they were way ahead of schedule, and had a few minutes to just focus on enjoying their pet.

“Yes, that’s it. Breathe deeply, and while you have your horny little dreams I’m going to bring you to orgasm. When you wake up today’s talk is going to be about breeding again. That sounds nice to you.”

Sandy’s lows got quieter as she settled into her blank state, mind still and body quivering. The bell around her neck jingled as Bovitus concentrated on fucking her tits and pussy.

How wonderful it was, they thought, to have found a use for everything in the lab.