“Hey. Mary. Are you asleep yet?”

Mary stared up at the plastic stars covering the ceiling. “Uh-huh.”

Mary heard Melissa sit up in the bunk below her. “Dork. Well, I can’t sleep.”

“Try counting sheep.”

“I try, but I keep counting sheepgirls instead. Then I always get flustered and lose count.”

Mary sat up sharply and looked down at her roommate. Melissa looked back up at her with a dreamy, heavy-lidded smile. An anime drawing of a white kitten occupied the front of her oversized pink t-shirt. It wasn’t exactly school uniform. Diaphanous bee wings fluttered behind her back, catching the glow of Mary’s nightlight, and two bobbing golden antennae drooped over her brilliant rosy-pink gaze.

“I told you those jokes aren’t funny.”

“Huh?” Melissa tilted her head to the side, still smiling. “What jokes?”

“Listen, I know you don’t take anything seriously, but I worked really hard to get into Hope’s Hill University, and I still need to make actual friends here. I don’t need my roommate…” Mary abruptly looked away as she realized Melissa’s shirt was see-through. Melissa had a ridiculous figure. Most apisae did. “... trying to gross people out with… crude humor.”

Melissa’s smile seemed to dim, just a little. “... yeah. Sure. That’s what I’m trying to do here.”

She slung herself back into her bunk and disappeared from sight.

Mary barely held in a long sigh. She folded her own papery wings behind her back and sprawled out in her bed. She wanted to let that be the end of it.

Unfortunately, guilt was a very powerful emotion for her.

You’re going to have to live together for at least the semester, nagged that voice at the back of her head. Better learn to get along. Day Three is way too early for your roommate to start hating you.

“... listen,” Mary said, hopping from her bunk and fluttering on plain white wings down to the floor. “I’m sorry, okay? I just—I just don’t think those jokes are funny. And they might get you in trouble, too, if one of the professors hears you and… gets the wrong idea. That’s all.”

“I get it.” Melissa was lying on her side and facing away from Mary. Her perfect wavy golden hair shimmered like actual honey. Mary envied that a little—her own hair was the exact same bland white as her wings, and it hung straight down to her shoulders, flat and lifeless.

Mary clasped her hands behind her back, feeling supremely awkward. So much for college letting her reinvent herself as a social butterfly. This was going to be her all semester, wasn’t it? Shy, mousy, and no friends but her teachers and her copy of the holy book.

No. No, she refused. She was done with that version of herself. She clenched her fists. “I just—look, I’m sorry if I snapped. I’m still getting used to being so far away from home. And I’ve never, you know, shared a room with someone before.”

A pause. The floor felt cold beneath Mary’s bare feet.

Melissa rolled over to face Mary, staring up with unblinking rosy eyes. The roll had totally entangled her within her blankets, cocooning her like a fly in spiderweb. “Never?”

“I mean, I… well, I had three brothers, but no sisters, so I got to have my own room.”

“Sure, but you’ve never had a, like, sleepover?”

“... no? Do people still do those?”

Melissa sat bolt upright. If she weren’t so short, she would have hit her head on Mary’s bunk. “Oh my gosh, this explains so much.”

“Yeah.” Mary felt her cheeks reddening, but she managed to smile and, after a moment’s hesitation, offered her hand to shake. “So, Melissa, if—if you can just ease up on the inappropriate jokes, I can try to be more—”

Melissa took the hand, and the tangle of blankets fell away from her as she hopped out of bed and fluttered into the air. The high-pitched buzz of her wings cut off Mary’s next words. Melissa had to hover out from under the bunk to reach Mary’s eye level. Mary was spindly, and towered over Melissa. “It’s Lizzy.”

Melissa was very close. She smelled kind of like cinnamon. “Lizzy,” Mary repeated.

Lizzy beamed. Her head tilted to the side. “So, you never shared a room? Not with a boy, even?”

“W—of course not!” Mary felt her cheeks heating up. “I—have you?”

Lizzy giggled. “No, of course not, silly. I don’t think I’d have been able to follow the sex-before-marriage rules for so long if I got stuck in the same room as a boy for a whole night.” Her head tilted in the other direction. She regarded Mary with a curious, appraising look.

“Well—well, it’s good that you’re taking those vows seriously.” Mary smiled weakly. Lizzy was still very close. They weren’t really supposed to wear makeup at the university, but Lizzy always seemed to have her lips painted that pretty pink shade, even after lights-out. “So you only shared rooms with other girls?”

“Uh-huh!” Lizzy winked. “Although I only had one bed, so…”

Mary’s face burst into flames. She took one step back, then two, struggling to form words.

“Kidding! Kidding.” Lizzy burst into giggles, buzzing up to sit on Mary’s bunk. “We had separate beds. Though, I mean, it’s not like two girls can do anything sinful together anyways, right?”

“W-Well, you’d think so, but—” Mary was floundering for solid ground as she stared up at Lizzy. “But, you know, with, nowadays, how people are…”

“Uh-huh. My parents gave me that speech, too.” Lizzy rolled her eyes. “It’s like they don’t trust me.”

“Well, the—the, um, homosexuality jokes probably don’t help.”

Lizzy just smiled. She fell on her back, clasping her hands behind her head. “I love these stars. You’re so cool. Man, I should have brought stars. I could’ve been the one gazing up at a ceiling full of them.”

Mary felt a nice buzzing in her chest at the compliment. “Well, I got the top bunk, so—”

“I could’ve fought you for it.” Lizzy punched her hand with a grin. “I grew up on a farm. You look like you grew up in the back rooms where libraries keep the National Geographics. I could totally pin you if I wanted.”

Mary laughed. “Yeah, okay. If you say so.” Lizzy was only half her size, but she felt reluctant to argue the point. She wasn’t sure if Lizzy might be the type who’d want to ‘prove it’.

“Mm. Hey, can you get the lights?” Lizzy gestured to the switch. “I was too lazy earlier, but I wanna see them in the dark. Ooh, we should buy tons more when classes start! Maybe can put another one on the ceiling every time we do good on an assignment, or whatever. I’m so glad I got someone cool enough to think of bringing in ceiling stars.”

“That might be nice. They are pretty, I guess.” Mary smiled weakly, turning and walking to the door. “I just… don’t like the dark.”

“Yeah, I saw the nightlight.” Lizzy flashed her a sly grin. “It totally gave me the wrong idea when I got here. You might not want the RA to see it plugged in.”

“W… what?”

Lizzy didn’t answer, so Mary relented and switched off the light.

Darkness hit instantly. Mary’s heart chilled, and she swallowed, turning to hurry back towards the bunk.

She hadn’t realized how far the switch was from the bed. In these split-seconds, her eyes hadn’t adjusted enough to make out the stars or nightlight yet. Everything around her was pitch black, was nothing, was going to eat her away scale by scale until—

She felt Melissa’s soft, warm hand take hers. With it came rushing warm relief. Mary clutched it tight and fluttered towards its owner, alighting on the top bunk alongside the apisae.

She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, then opened then, then repeated. Dopterines like her had excellent night vision, but their eyes took a little while to adjust. Light spoiled it easily. The light of her nightlight was starting to filter in, though, and with it, her heartrate started to slow.

Without warning, Melissa—Lizzy—lay back on the bed, pulling Mary with her.

“Wow,” she heard Lizzy breathe. “That’s so pretty.”


Mary looked at her, a glimmering golden form in the dim. Lizzy gave her hand a squeeze, and Mary smiled back, even though she doubted Lizzy could see it.

She looked back up, and by now she could see those shimmering little plastic stars. They were beautiful. She realized she’d sort of expected a girl like Lizzy to think they were dorky or something. Lizzy seemed a lot more… worldly than Mary. But Mary realized she just didn’t know a lot of people outside of family. Lizzy was one of the faithful, just like her, or she wouldn’t be at Hope’s Hill.

For with what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged: and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.

She realized she was still holding Lizzy’s hand. It was a little embarrassing, but she wasn’t… complaining, exactly. Closeness was nice. Her old room was way more lit up than this. Here, she’d only brought the stars, and one single nightlight. She’d thought it would be enough, but so far from home, the darkness felt all the heavier.

Lizzy was soft and warm. Was this what friends did? It was nice.

Lizzy also smelled nice. Like wildflowers growing out of honeycomb, and a little sweaty, and

Her cheeks heated a little. She decided to distract herself. “What did you, um, mean, when you said I shouldn’t let the RA see it?”

Her nightlight made her feel comfortable. It kept the darkness at bay, and whenever she started to feel anxious, staring at its gentle pulsing helped her heartrate slow. It helped her get to sleep.

“Oh.” Lizzy giggled, flashing her a smile. She looked like a sunrise, with the nightlight shining above her head, or an angel from a painting. “Well, you know what people think when they see a mothgirl with a nightlight?”

Mary flushed. The ___-girl thing was new slang, slang she wasn’t used to yet. It would feel weird calling Lizzy a… beegirl, wouldn’t it? She was always behind on this sort of thing. She still hadn’t learned what ‘thot’ stood for. “It’s just a nightlight. It’s for comfort.”

“Yes. Like a back massager.” Lizzy scooted a little closer. “But… you know what some mothgirls use it for, right?”

Mary blinked. “... reading?”

Lizzy’s eyes sparkled. They were so beautiful this close up. “Oh my gosh, you really don’t know.”

“I—I don’t get out much.” Mary bit her lip. “Is it a…” She lowered her voice. “... drugs thing? Do people use nightlights as, um, ‘bongs’?”

Lizzy looked like she was desperately trying to hold in laughter. “Oh my gosh, I can hear the quotes. Look, I don’t know how to put this, but… well…” Lizzy let out a tragically dramatic sigh, then leaned in even closer. Mary’s whole world went blurry for a moment, as if viewed through melting glass, as she felt the apisae’s breath brush her ear. “You know some dopterines… get off on it, right?”

“Get off on it?”

Lizzy’s voice softened. Mary could feel Melissa’s body shaking with the struggle to keep it together. “I mean… sexually.”

“Aah—”

The sound came out involuntarily, a tiny little shocked outburst. Mary’s eyes widened. “I—oh, God, Lizzy, I—I had no idea, I swear, I wasn’t trying to—”

“It’s fine!” Lizzy pulled away, and now the giggling was not being held in. She clutched her sides, positively cackling. “You didn’t seem the type, it was just—oh my gosh—”

“I mean, I would never, I’ve never—”

Lizzy’s giggling stopped. She tilted her head, frowning at Mary. “Never?”

“W-Well. Of course not.” Mary squirmed. How was this happening on only her third night? It was humiliating. “We’re not allowed to… to touch down there. Our virginity is a precious thing, Lizzy.”

“Hm.” Lizzy lifted herself on one arm, looking down at Mary with a quizzical expression.

“‘Hm’?”

“Hmmm~”

“What are you looking at me like that for?” Mary grabbed a pillow and buried her face in it. “I’m already embarrassed enough.”

“Oh, I’m just thinking.” Lizzy gave Mary’s hand a squeeze. Mary realized she’d never let it go. “You know, there are ways to… you know… without touching.”

“What?”

“Mm-hm. You have wings, don’t you?”

Mary slowly lowered the pillow and peered up at Lizzy, who had a mischievous glint in her eye. How did she manage to look so gorgeous in any lighting? It wasn’t fair. Mary wished she looked half that pretty. Had hair like that. Skin like that.

Curves like that.

“I guess?”

Lizzy licked her lips, looking a little nervous. “Have you ever gone… flying?”

“... yes?”

“No, I mean… flying.” Lizzy blinked. “Oh, gosh, okay. So… there’s a thing we can do when we beat our wings together. It causes a vibration, right?”

Mary slowly nodded. She hoped her furious blushing couldn’t be seen in the darkness. This felt so personal, so weird to talk about with anyone. Her talk with her parents had amounted to a can of pepper spray and a sermon. How did everyone else in her generation know so much more than her? She’d always assumed she’d fit right in at the university, but even here, it seemed, she was behind.

“So, if you hold something between your legs—no entry, just, you know, squished between your thighs…” Lizzy’s giggle sounded shy this time. “And then you buzz your wings…”

“... oh. And that’s… that can’t be okay, though, right?” Mary felt totally unconfident, though. Lizzy seemed very sure about this. She must have tried it.

A vision flashed into her head—Lizzy with her pants off, thighs wrapped around her own arm, moaning in pleasure just like the girl had in that romcom Mary hadn’t been allowed to finish.

She shook herself, feeling her cheeks getting hotter and hotter. What a… disgusting thing to think about her roommate.

“Sure it is!” Lizzy nodded eagerly. “There’s nothing in the Book about orgasming, Mary. Just about virginity. And we can’t, you know, break that hymen, but this doesn’t even risk that.” She cocked her head cutely. “Don’t you wanna know what it feels like?”

“I—I don’t—”

“What if you make a weird face the first time? Sometimes people do. Do you wanna make a weird face on your wedding night?”

Mary’s breath caught. “I—no?”

“It’s like a practice run,” Lizzy pressed. “I think you should do it once, just so you know what you’re getting into. But it’s up to you.”

Mary made her breathing steady. Lizzy smelled really, really nice. She was pretty sure apisae didn’t have pheromones. And even if they did, they were for… mating, so why would they work on other girls? She felt dirty even thinking about it. She suddenly couldn’t stop thinking about it.

“Um—” She bit her lip. “No, I just—I don’t want to do it… wrong. What if I make a mistake?”

“A mistake?”

“Yes, like what if I beat—I-I mean, flap my wings too hard—and it… breaks anyways?” Or what if I lose control, like our pastor said women do sometimes, and I just start…? She held up a hand for a moment and took several deep, steadying breaths. “I don’t think I should. I can’t… I mean, I’d need to—I might do it wrong, and I…” Her thoughts were racing in circles around the idea like racehorses on a track. “Maybe I could…? You could help me make sure I don’t mess it up? Like, watch for the first minute and just…?”

Lizzy stared at her.

It only hit Mary a moment too late what a totally inappropriate thing this was to ask. She desperately wished she hadn’t said anything. She desperately wished she could fly into a dark cave and find a dire bat to put her out of her misery.

“Nevermind,” she burst out. “Sorry, that’s—that’s so weird to—”

“Yeah, okay!” Lizzy chirped. The apisae giggled, tucking a loose strand of honey-blonde hair behind her antenna. “I mean, totally. And, you know, if you need advice, you can help yourself along by touching your—”

“I—I think I’d better not,” Mary squeaked. Lizzy was looking at her own fluffy white antennae. Mary kept those covered in public for a reason. “I mean—I don’t want to touch anything. With my hands, I mean. That feels a bit too much like… like actual masturbation.”

“Right. Of course.” Lizzy nodded quickly. “That makes total sense. But, for what it’s worth, I don’t mind watching. And if you need any advice, I’m right here.” She sat up and crossed her legs, smiling mildly, as if they were talking about skin care. “You can start whenever.”