"You're taking Mats to Class-J cafe?"

 

"Yes."

 

"Doesn't he... hate being on Class J's?"

 

"Oh, he's not going to be on Class J's."

 

"Then why..."

 

"We've decided Mats needs to work on his social skills. A Class-J cafe is 'a low-stress environment where initiating contact is welcome and social graces are appreciated but not required.' That's what the veterinarian psychologist said, at least."

 

"So you're going to take him there and..."

 

"Give him some Class A's so cuddling strangers is less awkward, a very special Class D to make him lose his inhibitions but not his verbal filter, and a tiny dose of Class-Z's to make him slightly manic."

 

"And then you'll just..."

 

"Unleash him on an unsuspecting public."

 

"Hello, my name is Mats Syringa..."

 

"Hello, petal."

 

"Um... what was I saying? I have a script.

 

"Right, hello, my name is Mats Syringa, Twenty-Third Floret. I am practicing socialization. May I please infodump to you? You can cuddle me while I do it."

 

"That sounds adorable."

 

"I am adorable! Oh, right, thank you. So are you familiar with the Great Vowel Shift in Terran English?"

"Hello, my name is Mats Syringa, Twenty-Third Floret."

 

"Pleased to meet you, Mats. I'm..."

 

"Stop! I don't need to know your name! I have a script!

 

"Oh, um... I don't think I was supposed to say that, but I do have a script."

 

"Oh, are you working on your manners, blossom?"

 

"Yes. I'm trying to. But it's hard. That's why I have a script."

"Hello, my name is Mats Syringa, Twenty-Third Floret (pause, two, three, four)."

 

"Hello, cutie."

 

"The last sophont told me her name, so that's in the script now; can you please stick to the script?"

 

"What script is that, petal?"

 

"Oh! I should print it out! Liliac, can I print out the script?"

"Hello-my-name-is-Mats-Syringa-Twenty-Third-Floret-may-I-infodump-to-you-you-can-cuddle-me-while-I-talk."

 

"Sorry, dear. Could you say that a bit slower?"

 

"I've tried being slow but sophonts keep interrupting me and Liliac won't let me give you the script."

 

"That does sound difficult."

 

"It is. The script hasn't been as helpful as I thought it would be; no one says the right things."

 

"Well, why don't you tell me what to say and then I can say it?"

 

"Oh, thank you so much!"

"That was exhausting."

 

"But you did a very good job, I'm proud of you!"

 

"But I didn't do a good job, nobody stuck to the script!"

 

"Nerys warned you that might happen."

 

"Yeah, but... the script was correct. I even modified it once I say how sophonts responded to things I said, but it didn't help. The infodumping was fun, though."

 

"Socialization can be difficult for sophonts."

 

"You could just... make me good at it, though."

 

"Mats, my goal as your owner is to help you be the best version of yourself you can possibly be. Your difficulty with socialization is part of who you are, and I can't just prune off parts of you that aren't socially acceptable. I love everything about you, and that includes the things you struggle with."

 

"Um, I, I, I... that's so... I love you so much!"

 

"Well, let's get you relaxed for a few hours and then I'll let you work on that paper."

 

"Which one?"

 

"You said a few weeks ago you wanted to write a review for that book Rosewood translated. I said no, and I'm still not sure I'll let you publish it, but yes, as a treat you can write a review of it."

 

"I'll eviscerate her!"