Ira let himself cry as he walked. He should have grabbed a packet of Kleenex before he left, he thought as he wiped his eye with his sleeve. It was a cold autumn day; the air nipped at his nose and ears, and he realized he also should have grabbed his scarf. brian was not going to approve of this. The drone wouldn’t say anything, of course, but it would look at Ira and there’d be a moment of reproach on his face before it was wiped away, replaced with its usual deadpan.

He needed someone to talk to, someone like a therapist, he thought, letting out a hollow laugh. Dr. Marsh hadn’t just been his therapist, she’d been the only other person he’d known in the unique situation of owning a drone that had been someone they’d loved. There were probably others, but Google searches on drones generally yielded a mixture of porn, anti-drone literature that pretended to be anti-droning literature, and advertisements. Actual anti-droning literature was a thing as well; he’d been a card-carrying member of the Drone Liberation Front before acquiring brian, had acquired brian through his contacts with the DLF, but once he’d gotten brian he’d learned he couldn’t treat brian like a person. That had led to a huge argument that had ended with his walking out and never looking back.

In the park, a small team of drones was picking up trash. Ira sat down on a bench and watched them. They moved as a coordinated team, far quicker and more efficient than any humans could be. He wondered who’d they been. Drones were made from the ranks of the homeless, drug addicts, vagabonds, and criminals. The noncontributing members of society who, with some intensive brainwashing, could be made into contributing members.

Or, alternatively, into personal service drones, a luxury for the ill-informed. The idea wasn’t bad if you accepted the basic concept of droning, but a drone hyperfixated to a nebulous concept like happiness tended to act in unexpected, unacceptable ways. brian had brainwashed him, arranged for him to have a therapist, reorganized his apartment, hired a sex worker for him, and thrown out his junk food. The first was extreme even for a personal service drone, but the reports he’d read indicated that the others were commonplace; it was why nobody made personal service drones anymore.

“Ira?”

He knew that voice, but hadn’t heard it in awhile.

“Ruth?” He stood and turned. “Ruth Ingersoll?”

“lra!” Ruth ran up to him arms outstretched, then stopped. “If you want a hug that is, you look like you need one.”

He did need a hug, but not from her. He shook his head and folded his arms. “No, I’m not going to just pretend it didn’t happen,” he told her. “It did and you can’t take back what you said.”

Ruth’s arms dropped and her face turned red, well, redder. “I’ve been hoping to run into you. I wanted to tell you you were right.”

“Oh?” Ira wished he could raise a single, sardonic eyebrow, but it never worked when he tried.

“I, um… acquired a drone through unconventional means—” she’d stolen it, not an easy task—“and I did exactly what I told you to do. It… really didn’t work.”

Ira barked out a laugh. “No, it wouldn’t.”

She nodded. “I ended up giving it to a friend, someone who’s okay with drones. It was… too creepy.

“So, yeah. I’m sorry. You were right.”

Ira sat down and gestured for her to join him. “Thank you,” he said.

Ruth sat down. “Do you still have, what was his name?”

“brian, yes. Actually I just got another one a few hours ago. God knows what I’ll do with it.”

“Running a rescue are you?” she asked. “Or… maybe you’re okay with droning now?”

“No to both. It’s still a horrific practice, and I didn’t get Chloe on purpose; it was given to me.” He didn’t elaborate and hoped Ruth wouldn’t ask.

“Are you in touch with…” she didn’t finish the sentence.

“Probably not. I don’t have many friends these days. Just brian.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

They sat together in uncomfortable silence. Back home, two drones waited for him, both practically quivering with the need to serve and service him. “I have to go. It was…” he was going to say “good to see you,” but it hadn’t been. It had been painful, a bit cathartic, but not good and he didn’t want to see her again. “Goodbye.”

Ira stood up and continued his walk.

As it turned out, two drones were not quivering with need back home. Two drones were kneeling on the floor, unmoving, barely breathing. Fuck.

“brian? Chloe? What’s going on?”

No response. He walked over to brian and gently shook it. “brian?”

“This drone is in standby mode awaiting reprogramming,” said brian. “Please consider taking this drone to a specialist for a full examination. Noraka, Incorporated apologizes for the inconvenience. This drone’s extended warranty has expired. However, you may be eligible for a discounted replacement—”

“Administrator override,” Ira said. “Exit standby mode.”

brian’s eyes opened and it immediately brought its forehead to the floor, then returned to its kneeling position. “Ira,” it said. “i’m not in compliance. i don’t know how to be in compliance. my programming has failed. You need to return me to standby mode.”

“Let me guess,” sighed Ira. “you and Chloe tried to work out why I wasn’t treating you identically, failed, and decided that must mean you were malfunctioning.” He plopped himself into his armchair; brian turned to face Him.

“Yes, Ira,” it said.

brian was lucky that its Boyfriend was smart. He had worked out brian and Chloe’s difficulty immediately. That was in compliance. But He was not returning brian to standby mode for reprogramming even though brian was not in compliance. That was itself not in compliance. brian was malfunctioning; it could not effectively serve its Boyfriend.

brian calculated an 85.39% probability that asking its Boyfriend to return it to standby mode again would make it unhappy. Chloe, at least, remained in standby mode, incapable of noncompliance.

“I’m not going to pretend that having a second drone wouldn’t be useful,” its Boyfriend said. “I know you don’t like it when I help with the chores, and the extra money from the stipend won’t hurt either.”

Doing chores did not make brian’s Boyfriend happy. He disliked most of them and in any case, it was brian’s job to take care of its Boyfriend’s needs. its Boyfriend doing chores was not in compliance.

“But I don’t think I can handle a second personal service drone,” He added.

brian was not supposed to want things, but it wanted to ask its Boyfriend more questions. it wanted to ask why it was clothed, why Chloe was still in standby mode, if its Boyfriend wanted His cock sucked. It calculated a 52.44% probability that none of those questions would be in compliance. brian wanted to be in compliance.

its Boyfriend was toying idly with the fringes on a blanket. “What do you want, brian?” it asked. “Do you want me to use Chloe the way I use you?”

brian processed the question and tried to determine a compliant answer. “i want You to be happy, Ira,” it said. “You like using me as Your fucktoy; i calculate a 78.41% probability that You would also enjoy using Chloe as Your fucktoy.”

“That’s about Me, brian,” its Boyfriend said. “I want to know what you want.”

The question made no sense. The only things brian should want were to be in compliance and for its Boyfriend to be happy. its Boyfriend had just been brainwashed, too, He shouldn’t already be thinking of brian as a person again. This was Chloe’s fault.

“Chloe is causing You to be unhappy,” it said. “That is not in compliance. Chloe is making You treat me like a person. That is also not in compliance. Chloe must go.”

“I can’t get rid of it; Dr. Marsh gave it to Me because she trusted Me to take care of it. And she did that despite knowing how I treat you.”

That confused brian. Its Boyfriend treated it as His drone, which was what it was. He used brian in ways that made Him happy. And there was no reason for Him not to use Chloe the same way.

“Do you want to use and fuck and hurt Chloe?” it asked.

Its Boyfriend sighed again. “Its not unattractive,” He said. “But I also hadn’t really thought about it until today. I definitely don’t need to; your appetite for that stuff is already insatiable.”

brian was not supposed to feel proud, but it was very proud to hear that. It was also true, of course. There was no limit to what brian would do, or to what brian wanted to do, to make its Boyfriend happy.

“Thank You, Ira,” it said.

its Boyfriend reached out and ruffled its hair. “Good drone,” He said. brian was in compliance. The Chloe problem could wait.

An administrator override took the drone called Chloe out of standby mode. The drone called brian was next to it, still clothed, and its Controller sat in front of it. The drone brought its forehead to the floor and returned to a kneeling position. “This drone is not in compliance,” it said. “Its programming has failed, and it must be returned to standby mode.”

“You’re in compliance, Chloe,” its Controller sighed.

The drone was not supposed to be confused, but it was confused. The drone did not know how to make its Controller happy. The drone wanted its Controller to be happy. Therefore the drone was not in compliance. If its Controller said it was in Compliance then it must be evaluating compliance incorrectly. That was not in compliance.

“Logical error,” said the drone. “That information is self-contradictory and cannot be processed. Please restate.”

“brian?” said its Controller. “A little help?”

The other drone processed. “Chloe calculates that it is not in compliance; if You say that it is in compliance then it is evaluating compliance incorrectly. Evaluating compliance incorrectly is not in compliance.”

The drone was not supposed to be grateful, but it was grateful that the other drone had explained this; its explanation had been in compliance.

“Chloe, you don’t know how to make Me happy because I don’t know how you can make Me happy. I wasn’t expecting you and until today I never thought of you as someone who would care about My happiness,” its Controller explained.

The drone knew that its job was to determine what would make its Controller happy for Him, but based on its memory files of its Grandmother, saying this would not be in compliance. The drone remained silent.

“brian and I had an arrangement that worked, but it didn’t really include other people—or drones,” said its Controller. “Working out how you fit into the picture will take awhile. And that’s okay. You can be a good drone even if you don’t know exactly what to do.”

The drone processed this. Its Controller was wrong, but telling Him that would not be in compliance. The drone was not supposed to hope, but it hoped its Controller found a good use for it. In the meantime, it had had a realization about a problem it could fix.

“This drone does not object if the drone called brian is naked,” it said. “You are happy when brian is naked, so brian being naked is in compliance. This drone is not embarrassed and does not feel awkward to be in the presence of a naked drone.”

“brian? Do you want to take your clothes off?”

“Yes, Ira,” said the other drone.

“Go ahead,” their Controller waved His hand towards His bedroom.

The other drone brought its forehead to the ground, then stood and backed out of the room. It came back naked, knelt before its Boyfriend, brought its forehead to the ground, and returned to a kneeling position.

The drone’s Controller idly fiddled with His crotch, then drew His hand away as though it were burned. “Sorry, Chloe,” He said.

Another fixable problem. “This drone does not object if the other drone’s behavior arouses You. It would also not object if its behavior aroused You. Chloe is a drone; You do not have to care about propriety in the presence of drones.”

Seeing brian naked was arousing, especially when it kowtowed to Him. Both brian and Chloe seemed more comfortable with brian naked. Ira supposed it wouldn’t hurt to ask, “Chloe, would you rather be naked, too?”

Chloe thought for a moment. “This drone understands that its body is conventionally attractive and that its Controller is bisexual. This drone calculates an 80.37% probability that seeing this drone naked would arouse You. This drone knows that being aroused makes You happy. This drone wants You to be happy.”

“Then go ahead.”

Chloe brought its forehead to the ground and stood. “Where should this drone put its clothes?” it asked.

“brian, take Chloe to the spare room. I’ll try to set up a cot or something there tomorrow. We can use the camping mattress for tonight.”

brian brought its forehead to the ground and stood. The two drones walked out of the room. The drones returned naked and, yes, Chloe was hot as fuck, and it was even hotter when they knelt, brought their foreheads to the ground, and returned to a kneeling position in perfect synchronicity.

Still, Ira didn’t put His hand down His pants like He wanted to. “You two make dinner. I’m going online to get a cot and chest of drawers for Chloe. Oh, and leave on your hands and knees walking away from Me.”

In perfect synchronicity brian and Chloe brought their foreheads to the ground, then turned around, brian to the left and Chloe to the right, and crawled out of His presence. Ira gave brian a quick smack on the ass as it left. Should He have smacked Chloe, too? He didn’t want it to feel neglected. It was always hard to tell how drones were feeling, but His overall sense was that Chloe wanted Him to use it the same way He used brian. Or was that just an excuse?

He got up and sat down at his computer. Chloe’s clothes should arrive tomorrow, but it needed a bed and a place to store its clothes, probably a laundry hamper too. Oh, and a toothbrush. The list grew longer as he browsed online.

brian knew that it made sense for its Boyfriend to use Chloe as a fucktoy. it was certain, far more than its Boyfriend seemed to be, that using Chloe as a fucktoy would make Him happy. brian wanted its Boyfriend to be happy. brian was not supposed to have feelings, but it was supposed to correctly identify them if it had feelings. Correctly identifying feelings was in compliance. But brian could not identify the emotion it was feeling. It was like anger, but it wasn’t exactly anger. It was like desire, but it wasn’t that either. Whatever the emotion was, it made being around Chloe increasingly difficult.

And brian couldn’t stop reevaluating the question of whether its Boyfriend should use Chloe as a fucktoy. The results of the evaluations were always the same, and redoing compliant evaluations was not in compliance. That mental capacity could be better used for other functions.

Whether its Boyfriend should fuck Chloe wasn’t even brian’s decision! brian didn’t make decisions; making decisions was noncompliance. its Boyfriend hadn’t asked brian to reevaluate whether He should use Chloe as a fucktoy, and if He had brian would have said yes. That was the consistent result of its evaluations. Error.

brian was not supposed to have an intuition, but its intuition was that it was not performing the evaluations correctly: the results were not in compliance. Except brian couldn’t find any flaws in its analysis. The analysis was in compliance, therefore the results must be in compliance. But the results were not in compliance. This train of thought was useless; brian tried to abort it. The abort failed and it continued to ruminate. Error. Error. Error. What was the error? Error.

brian evaluated its compliance. it was performing the directed task and doing so at peak efficiency. its behavior was in compliance. brian wanted to be in compliance. But its thoughts and emotions were not in compliance. Error

brian evaluated Chloe’s compliance. Like brian, it was performing the directed task and doing so at peak efficiency. its behavior was in compliance. brian had no access to Chloe’s thoughts or emotions; it could not evaluate those. On the other hand, Chloe was the new variable and brian had calculated a 61.22% probability that Chloe was the cause of its noncompliance. That was an aberration. Usually Chloe’s presence improved compliance. Error.

Having a second drone would be good for its Boyfriend: He wouldn’t be able to make excuses for doing chores that were brian’s duties, He could have two directives carried out simultaneously, and He would have variety in His choice of fucktoys. Error.

The drone called Chloe was unaware of the other drone’s compliance difficulties. It was in compliance and its periodic evaluations of the other drone indicated that it was in compliance as well. The drones were making a mushroom risotto, roasted Brussels sprouts, and souffle for their Controller and a mixture of rice, tofu, and spinach for themselves. The mushroom risotto, sprouts, and souffle would be healthy and delicious. That would make their Controller happy. The drone wanted its Controller to be happy. The rice, tofu, and spinach would be nutritionally adequate. A nutritionally adequate meal was in compliance with their bodies’ needs. The drone wanted to be in compliance.

The risotto was done. The drone carefully plated it to look as good as it would taste and gave it to the other drone to take to their Controller. The other drone was more familiar with the serving rituals; Chloe would observe so that it could perform the ritual as well.

The other drone carried the meal to the table and placed it in front of the chair. Then it got on its hands and knees and crawled to its Boyfriend’s desk. it assumed a kneeling position, brought its forehead to the floor, and returned upright. it coughed once.

its Boyfriend turned in His chair to the other drone and slapped it lightly on the cheek.

“Dinner is ready, Ira,” said the other drone.

“What did you make?” asked its Boyfriend.

“Mushroom risotto with a side of roasted Brussels sprouts and souffle for dessert,” it said.

“Are you two trying to impress me?” He asked.

It hadn’t originally been the drone’s intention, but the other drone had insisted they make a complex meal and a difficult dessert. it had suggested that the drone make the dessert. The drone had worried that it might produce a souffle that was not in compliance. The other drone had said that if the drone wanted to produce a dessert that met compliance standards that was fine, but it was going to make a meal that exceeded compliance standards. Exceeding compliance standards would make their Controller happy. The drones wanted their Controller to be happy.

Ira took a shower while His drones cleaned the kitchen. Normally He would shower with brian acting as attendant, but He still wasn’t entirely comfortable with the new arrangement. In any case, He was exhausted and wanted to sleep; He could do horrible things to brian some other time. He dried himself off and climbed into bed.

brian shook him awake.

“brian? Do you remember what happens to drones that wake Me up?”

“Yes, Ira,” said brian.

Ira was getting hard just thinking about the punishment in store for brian the next day. It wouldn’t matter if the reason were actually legitimate: the rule wasn’t that waking up Ira unnecessarily was forbidden; the rule was that waking Ira up was forbidden. If that conflicted with another directive, brian would have to wake Ira up anyway and take the consequences.

“i wanted to make sure You wanted me in Your bed tonight and not Chloe,” said brian, its voice almost a whisper.

“Yes of course I want you in bed with me. you always sleep with Me, that’s not going to change. That’s why I had you set up an air mattress for Chloe in the other room. If this is what you woke Me up for you are in serious trouble.”

“i’m sorry, Ira,” said brian, its voice still soft. “And thank You.” it crawled into bed next to Ira.

Thinking of the coming punishment had made Ira horny, so He ordered brian to suck His cock while He twisted brian’s ears and made it squirm. Once He came, He pulled brian up and began to grope all over its body, pinching, twisting, and slapping while brian gasped. Hurting brian made Him hard again, so he rutted up against brian’s ass while abusing the fuck out of its balls. He fell asleep to pleasant thoughts about the horrors he would visit on brian the next day.

brian took much longer to fall asleep.