Chapter 7 

The room did look nicer with the plants in it. Shane was looking at them bathing in the slowly fading sunlight. A couple by the window, a couple on the desk. One was standing in the back of the room, it didn't need that much light, Aisling said. Two hanging plants, Monstera Aisling called them, stood on the armrest of the couch. They almost didn't buy it, but Shane had guaranteed them it would fit. Now his room had a bed, one small desk and a huge couch. All the books had to be stacked on the floor for a little longer.

The delivery men had needed some convincing to bring the furniture up. Luckily Aisling was there, Shane wasn’t sure he would have stood his ground like she had. Aisling waved the delivery men of and closed the door to Shane’s apartment. ‘Ahh, isn't this much better already?’ She walked around the room, before plopping herself down in the middle of the couch. Shane was sitting on the edge of his bed and looked around. 

‘It's... a bit cozier, I guess.’ he smiled a little. For now, the couch was facing the window, away from the rest of the room. He and Aisling agreed that the view was the only thing to look at right now. Aisling said they would go furniture shopping again soon and maybe they would be able to find him a nice tv. His bed was in the corner of the room, opposite his apartment door. He was looking at the back of Aisling's head. 

‘Just picture this place in a couple of months,’ Aisling said as she turned around to face Shane, leaning her head on her hands. She looked dreamy. ‘a nice big bookshelf next to your desk. A small nightstand. And a better closet for your clothes. We get you some shelves for more decorations and the Monstera. Print some pictures of you and your friends and hang them up on the walls. What's your favourite movie? We should get a big poster of that.’ 

Golden hour had started and the sun was hitting Aisling from behind. It was almost as if she was an angel speaking the word of God. Only it was about interior decoration. Shane started to laugh. ‘What? You don't like it?’ Aisling mused. 

‘No, it's not that,’ more giggles. ‘You look really funny saying that stuff. Like an apostle spreading the word of Marie Kondō!’ Aisling chuckled along. 

‘Alright well, have I converted this heathen!?’ Aisling boomed, jokingly. 

‘Sure you have! Praise Feng shui.’ both laughed out loud for a while and continued the joke for a little longer. Aisling calmed a bit more again, although she still had a dreamy smile. ‘No but seriously Shane, can you see it.’ She searched Shane's face. Shane looked around the room again and tried to imagine Aisling's fantasy. 

‘I guess...’ he turned silent. He didn't see much beyond how the room looked now. 

‘You don't like it?’ 

‘It’s not that,’ Shane shook his head. ‘I just don't really picture it.’ 

‘Then... How do you picture it, Shane.’ Aisling looked at Shane intently, waiting for him to illustrate how he would envision his room. With a tingle in his stomach, he looked around the room again. He saw the plants in the back. The mirror on the door to the bathroom. The bed he sat on. The new desk and couch. He knew he could do anything with it that his imagination wanted. He had written plenty of crappy stories in his free time. He knew he could just do whatever in his own brain. For all he wanted he could start picturing the couch hanging upside down and his room filled with expensive art. In this moment with Aisling sitting on the couch in the middle of the room, a view of the outside window in front of it, Shane couldn't even picture it standing against the far side wall.  

‘I uhm... I don't know...’ He felt silly. It wasn't that hard to just create an image. Staring at Aisling's neutral and searching expression created an image right in front of him. He was back at one of the high school parties. He was drunk like he always was, but Aisling was gently helping him to some water and staying by his side until he drank it all. He admitted to her how bad he felt, how unhappy he was, and Aisling consoled him and waited patiently for him to finish talking. She looked like she did now, angelic. 

‘Just... try to feel what I'm saying.’ Aisling held Shane's gaze. ‘A year and a little bit from now. It's a cold winter. The wind is howling but the skies are clear. Outside of the window you can see the pond over there frozen over. A fat squirrel runs down that tree and quickly digs up some food before rushing up the tree. Inside it's warm though. Your room is filled with comfy pillows. You have stuffed snake to stop the draft coming under the door. The walls are filled with paintings, posters and pictures. All your favourite stuff and memories. Your books aren't littered everywhere anymore. Instead, your room is filled with bookshelves, your books neatly organised in them. The couch has two comfy blankets on it. I'm holding a cup of tea in between my hands. Maybe Anne and Erin are here too. We are all under the blankets waiting for you to join so we can finally watch but I’m a cheerleader with you for the first time. And then... well that's up to you. What happens next?’ Aisling waited. Shane just stared back. He was fidgeting and felt the urge to get up and pace. He had seen the cold winter, the wind and the squirrel. The fantasy had collapsed in on itself though, way before he was asked to fill in his part. 

‘I don’t know...’  

‘It can be whatever you want the future to be.’ Aisling gently encouraged one last time. 

Shane tried. One year from now, during wintertime. He could picture the cold, and the trees, and the animals huddling up together or staying in their burrows. He could feel the wind howling against the buildings. He could even feel it on his skin. But he could not see this room as changed. He could not see himself at all. 

‘I can't see a future...’ Shane felt guilty. His voice was small. Aisling searched his expression. ‘What do you mean?’ she asked. 

‘I just can't... I have never really imagined a future. For me anyways.’ 

Shane noticed the sudden worry settling on Aisling. She straightened up as if to make her way over to him. ‘You mean you don't think you will- Shane are you saying you don’t think you will be here in the future?’ Shane was startled up from his small and slumped position on the bed. ‘NO! No no no,’ He responded quickly. ‘I’ve never... I’m not thinking about suicide. What made you think that?!’ 

‘You just told me you don't imagine having a future!’ Aisling almost shouted. ‘What do you expect me to think?’ 

‘No, it's not like that! What I mean is humph-’ Shane cut himself off, frustrated he couldn't explain himself in a clear manner. He diverted his eyes. 

‘Shane I-’ 

‘I'm just thinking how to say this.’ 

There was a short silence. ‘Alright Shane.’ 

Shane sat there thinking for a while longer. He took in a deep breath and looked at Aisling, only to breath out again a little frustrated. He still couldn't quite explain. But he should start with making sure Aisling wasn't worried anymore. ‘I'm not... you know... suicidal...’ Aisling looked relieved but waited for him to continue. Okay, first task completed, thought Shane. ‘I just... It's not that I don't think I will be here in a year and a half. I mean I have a degree to finish!' He tried to joke. Aisling's lips moved up into a smile, but she clearly wasn't amused. ‘It's more like... I can't see myself any different than I am now. I know what will probably happen. Like, a degree, a job, a family. I don't think I would mind that. But then the mental image of me as like... a father... I just can't square that in my head. I never could. In high school I couldn't make up my mind about studying because I just could not picture me as a lawyer, or doctor, or... I just couldn't.’ 

Time moved slowly. Shane looked at his toes. He couldn't keep eye contact while he spoke. Something about admitting this felt so deeply shameful. It was as if he admitted to Aisling that deep down, he wasn't a real human, just an empty husk. He looked up and saw that Aisling was slowly moving closer to him. She had a look of absolute tenderness, which extended to her physicality since, before Shane knew it, she had wrapped an arm around his shoulder. He was warm. He started to softly sniffle. Aisling rubbed his arm and there was a peace in the room. Shane still felt like he had to explain himself further. In between sniffles, he started talking again. 

‘It’s not like I don't try...’ 

‘Or like I don't do anything towards my future... I mean, I started this bachelor’ 

‘But, even this... I don't see myself with like a doctorate in literature. Even though I might get one, I don't know.’ 

‘It's just, Professor Shane... It's so surreal. I can't see myself like I am now and being a professor, and I can't imagine myself changing so that the image does fit.' 

‘I’m always just me, how I am in the moment, when I picture myself. I fantasise all the time about being in a different world, as a different version of me. But never here, never in a future. It's more related to the books I read, like the fantasy stories and i can picture myself in them somehow.’ 

‘But since yesterday even that is difficult because of what Professor Byrne said to me. Now I can't even picture myself like I am, or picture myself in a fantasy version of me. I don't really picture anything.’ 

‘Wait.’ Aisling interjected. Shane stopped his rambling and looked at Aisling. She was looking down at him. He must have slumped again. ‘Why- What did Byrne say to you?’ 

‘... Remember that weird guy with the red cap?' Shane began after hesitating. Aisling face turned dark and she pursed her lips. ‘Yeah, what about him?’ 

‘Well, he said some things that I couldn't really get out of my head. I mentioned it to her, and she gave a weird response. I’m not sure what she meant.’ Shane fidgeted, hoping Aisling would drop it. After staring at each other for a while Shane couldn't keep silent any longer. ‘I told her what Davis said, and she said I should look at like... my masculinity more if Davis's insults hurt so much.’ 

‘Oh...’ 

‘Have you thought about it then?’ Aisling asked. 

‘I... I... don't know what she meant by it.’ Shane admitted. ‘I’m fine the way I am now. But should I be more manly?.... You know so I don't get confused with a woman again...’ Shane shrunk. He felt nauseous talking about this. Being more manly was like going back to high school. He did not want to go back to high school. 

‘I don't know what that woman meant,’ Shane thought he heard a little hint of disdain in Aislings voice. ‘But I'm sure she didn't mean for you to go acting all macho. Unless you want to of course...’ Shane realised he had started staring at his feet again and that Aisling was waiting for a response. ‘No! No, not really no.’ 

‘Well, then she didn't mean it that way...’ Shane was looking out the window at the pond. An older man was looking at his own reflection at the edge of the water. Shane wondered if he would ever stand there like that. ‘What is masculinity even...’ He had meant it more for himself than for Aisling. She responded nonetheless. ‘isn't that the reason for Byrne's question? For you to figure it out for yourself? You know, so you don't get uncomfortable by an idiot like Davis trying to bully you?’ 

Shane kept staring out the window. It started as a pang in his stomach while he was looking the wind tearing the brown leaves of a tree. It grew warmer as the leaves landed gently on the grass. It slowly became unbearable as the old man crushed the leaves under his boots as he turned away from the pond. ‘Sure! Let me just answer the fucking question the whole of human history is about. What the fuck motivates idiots like me to behave all stupid, just so others don't think we are weird!’ Shane spit the words out, as if doing so would rid him of the malicious nausea in his body. 

‘It's just about you Shane, not the world.’ Aisling said. She must have moved closer, if her whisper was this loud in Shane's ears. ‘It’s just about how you want to be and be seen. Nothing more. If you like yourself, Davis won't be able to hurt you.’ 

‘Great... just feel good... Like I haven't tried that before...’ Shane had followed the old man with his eyes until he left the frame of the window. No more distractions. He looked back at Aisling who had leaned further forward towards him. She looked concerned. ‘Don't take this the wrong way Shane, but I think you have mostly tried to not feel worse.’ 

‘Why would you think that?’ Shane said with indignation. How dare Aisling pretend to know him after not seeing him for years. Aisling just shrugged and made a show of looking around the room. ‘Well...’ Seconds went by as if they were hours. Shane fidgeted. It must almost be nightfall, he tried to make himself believe. Aisling would leave soon and then he could be alone with his crazy mind. Every time he looked up, she was still there, lit up by the sun, as if it was only moments that had gone by. Slowly Shane collected the courage to admit what he knew was true. ‘I don't know how to make myself happier.’ 

‘Could it help you if we encouraged you to put yourself out there a bit more? Like today with the furniture.’ Aisling posited. An immediate and intense fear shot through Shane’s nervous system. RUN! 

‘NO! Please don't do that I can't, I know I'm not much right now, but I can't... I can't be, I can't be like I was before again, I can't!’ Shane's breathing was shallow and fast. ‘I hated him! I hated Him!’ Shane repeated again and again 

‘Shhhh Shane, please listen to me. You are starting to hyperventilate again. Please try to follow my breathing again, please...’ A few moments of soft, rhythmic breathing slowly syncing up passed by. Shane copied Aisling on autopilot. ‘You won't be like you were before Shane, I promise.’ Aisling said it a couple of times and Shane calmed more each time he heard it repeated. ‘Why would you think I meant that?’ 

‘Because...’ Shane gathered his thoughts. ‘Isn't that what I would be if I put myself out there more? I was like that back then... I hated it! I was a stupid! Loud! Jock!’ 

Aisling gave him a compassionate look. ‘There're more ways than one to put yourself out there Shane. You can present yourself in so many more ways than a loud jock.’ Shane felt more confused by Aislings words. Is that not what the image of an untouchable, impenetrable man was like? If Aisling didn't want Davis to hurt him, shouldn't he be more like how he was.  

‘You can try to express yourself in many, MANY styles before we ever run out. And,’ Aisling leaned in and whispered with a mischievous look. ‘You don't have to like a single one and just come up with a new style all your own.’ 

‘Remember Liam and Brian?’ Aisling continued. Shane did, he didn't think too much about the night of the party, unless he felt like drowning in shame. But Liam and Brian had been so funny together, he could still remember all their D&D stories. Shane hadn't spoken to them much, but he felt very comfortable in their presence. Shane nodded at Aisling, not knowing where this was going. ‘Did they seem especially jockey or macho to you?’ Shane pictured Brian. His taciturn manner, and the way he would gently smile at Liam. Liam and his hundreds of tales he would enthusiastically share, losing himself in his own excitement and taking the room with him. Both were clearly men. But not like Shane, or like Shane used to be, or like someone like Dylan for that matter. 

‘No... But I don't really want to be like them either...’ 

‘That's also not what I'm saying. You should be you, Shane. But whatever. I brought it up only to say there are plenty of men out there who are comfortable within themselves and not concerned with other people's opinion. Hell, Brian even does drag.’ That made Shane look up. Brian did drag? Shane had difficulty picturing the reserved man ever being so expressive. ‘Drag?’ he questioned Aisling, as if to say aren't you confusing Brian with someone else. 

‘Yeah! don't you know it's-’ 

‘I d-’ 

‘A man dresses and acts like a woman in a kind of caricature manner-’ 

‘Ais I know-’ 

‘It's this sort of game of gender expression-’ 

‘Aisling I know what drag-’ 

‘I HAVE AN IDEA!’ Aisling exclaimed. ‘Wait here, I’ll be back real quick!’ 

Before Shane had the chance to get Aisling's attention, she had slammed the door behind her. Shane could still hear an apology coming from the other side before he heard the loud and fast footsteps going down the stairs. He didn't know where she was going, let alone what she was going to do there. Shane just needed to wait. The sun was slowly setting as he sat on his bed wondering what Aisling was up to. The minutes dragged. He didn't know how long it had been and he couldn't distract himself waiting. Something told him that whatever Aisling was doing, when she got back it wouldn't be good for him. He was left to stew in his anxiety. In reality it couldn't have been too long. Still, Shane startled up from out of his bed when his bell rang. He picked up the phone, ‘Hello? Aisling?’ A response came in the form of an exasperated Aisling saying ‘Hey... Hey Shane... Let me up.’ He pressed the button and a minute later there was a knock. As soon as he opened the door a little bit Aisling shoved her way back in, still breathing heavily. She looked slightly sweaty, her forehead glistered in the last rays of sunlight. Shane also noticed some beads on her collarbones. He was staring. Aisling had brought back a backpack, completely stuffed. She strutted to the couch and shook the backpack empty. Shane saw an avalanche of coloured fabrics fall on his new furniture, as well as what looked like a big container for beauty products. 

‘What's going on?’ 

Aisling stood in front of Shane grinning in between big gulps of breath. Her chest heaving up and down. She had must have run for practically the whole time she was gone. Shane approached her carefully. In his mind she was somehow even more imposing than normal, with her hair rough and unkempt from the running and a deep pink colour in her cheeks. ‘We are going to find your style!’ Aisling paused, taking a deep breath. She looked Shane up and down, her smile reached her ears. ‘Starting with your drag!’ 

Shane approached the couch. Slowly, carefully, looking over at the pile of clothes that had suddenly appeared, he darted his eyes back to Aisling for moments at a time. He only saw teeth and hungry eyes. He shrunk more into himself. He saw beautiful cocktail dresses, gowns, thigh skirts, low tops. He saw padded bras, stockings, and lacy underwear. Underwear?! Shane didn't even know if he wanted to do any of this and Aisling had already made up her mind about underwear? Even from a distance he could tell that most of these outfits would be form fitting, soft, feminine. Images started to pop into his brain. Unwanted. Unrelenting. What would it be like? Just this once. He gently shook his head and looked back at Aisling, who's breathing had settled. 

‘I- I don't know about this Ais.’ He whispered. His voice quivered, almost breaking. Aisling almost casually disregarded his words. She walked up to the pile and started rummaging around. ‘I didn't take too much care in picking stuff out back at my place. I didn't want you waiting around too long. I'm sure we can find some nice matching clothes though. ‘Course, we also have to do some other things. Fix your hair, do your make-up, maybe shave. Oh! Almost forgot.’ Aisling picked the backpack up again and opened the small front pocket. She got out a very small box and opened it, showing the insides to Shane. Clip-on earrings, bracelets, necklaces, they all shone in Shane's blue eyes. He looked back at Aisling, who winked at him. ‘Cherry on top!’ She stated, snapping the jewellery box shut. Shane's body jumped ever so slightly. Aisling went back to rummaging whilst Shane just stood there mortified. ‘That comes last. Let's start with something simple...’ after a few seconds Aisling held up a black, sleeveless, skater dress with an open back and a flared skirt. It looked so elegant and delicate. The waist probably fitting in tight. Shane was mesmerised and terrified. He slowly reached for the fabric. He rubbed the cloth gently between his fingers. It was everything he was not. Why did Aisling think he could ever wear something like this, let alone fit it. He looked up, it was only then that he realised he had to look up at Aisling. He must be hunching more than he thought. 

‘I can't...’ 

‘Yes, you can.’ Aislings words didn't leave room for discussion. 

‘It won’t fit...’ 

‘Yes, it will.’ 

‘I will look ridiculous...’ 

‘No, you won't,’ Aisling stepped close. She softy pried Shane's fingers of the dress and took it. He had been squeezing it hard. Shane took in a breath. ‘I won't let you.’ Aisling finished and hung the dress over the couch, separate from the rest of the clothing. She squeezed Shane's hand. ‘Let's get you ready...’ for a beat nothing happened. Just Aisling and Shane looking at each other. Then Aisling started tugging on Shane's hand and led him to the bathroom. In Aisling's other hand she was holding the container filled with make-up. It finally dawned on Shane what Aisling was planning. 

‘Aisling!’ He squeaked out. They stopped. Aisling looked over her shoulder. Shane tried to dislodge his hand from her grip, but she didn't give an inch. Almost as if she didn't even notice the struggle. ‘I don't know if I can do this!’ He had meant it to come out as an authoritative statement. Instead, he screamed in a nervous, high-pitched whine. He was breathing hard. His heart was beating so fast. Aisling turned around, she looked him up and down and her thumb started rubbing his hand in a soothing motion. ‘Don't worry, it's just for fun!’ Aisling gave Shane a big, genuine smile, and she turned back around to the bathroom. Shane didn't move, however. He would hold his ground. When the tug on his hand came Aisling's strength propelled him into her back. How was she this strong? Turning her face back Aisling saw Shane's large blue eyes bulging out in fear. Shane tried one last time to stop her. ‘I'm nervous!’ Aisling just softly chuckled. ‘Just think, it's not real... Just drag.’  

In a few long strides Aisling walked into the bathroom, dragging in Shane behind her. She carefully set down all the different items of make-up from her container. Shane stood like a statue watching her, completely overwhelmed. ‘I think I will start with brushing your hair, just sit down on the toilet over there.’ She waved her hand in the toilet's direction with her back still facing Shane. A second of hesitating is all it took before Shane made his way over. ‘Oh, Shane?’ Shane stopped moving and looked at Aisling's back. She had also stopped for the moment. She looked over her shoulder. It almost seemed like a bit of doubt had snuck into her expression. ‘Just...’ her deep brown eyes held a slight unease ‘If everything's good you say green, if it is starting to get uncomfortable it's orange, if we need to stop immediately it's red, okay?’ Shane didn't know if he completely understood. Regardless, his nerves settled knowing Aisling cared this much to make sure. He gave a confident nod and started moving to the toilet seat again. ‘Shane.’ Aisling stopped him with her voice. ‘What colour are we on?’ a new domineering and serious expression. Shane had difficulty controlling his tongue. ‘G-Green’ 

It took Aisling a little bit more rummaging before she was finished and approached Shane with a hairbrush. ‘Turn around.’ A demand. Shane never felt smaller. Aisling was slowly gathering his hair. First, she let her fingers softly glide through it. ‘it's pretty soft’ she said. Shane shifted in his seat, a sharp pain came from his scalp as Aisling's fingers got stuck. ‘Although...’ Aisling tried to disentangle her fingers without creating more pain. ‘It definitely needs some work. Try to hold still.’ Aisling heard the scrunch going through his hair. Only occasionally did he feel a soft pull on his scalp as Aisling carefully worked her brush. Starting at the tips and going section by section. Only moving on after several strong rhythmic strokes. One harsh tangle snapped Shane's head back. ‘Ow!’ Aisling's hands held his head and guided it back into the right position. Shane felt a strong blush come over his cheeks. He was happy Aisling could only see the back of his head. Aisling continued her work. Her strokes becoming longer and longer as she encompassed more hair into the strokes. ‘You have a natural wave to your hair.’ She stated. ‘I think it only comes out when you grow it out longer.’ the swishing sound of the brush continued. ‘It's getting pretty long already... Maybe you could even consider curling it.’ After a few more minutes of stroking Aisling gathered all of Shane's hair and let it fall naturally around Shane's face. He could feel it hitting his shoulders and softly tickling it. He giggled softly and shifted on the seat. He was surprised his hair reached that far down. The brushing must have helped. ‘Alright, you can turn around again.’ Shane moved his body on the toilet seat. He was met with barely constrained lust in Aisling's dark eyes. He didn't know why, he must look ridiculous making himself small on the bathroom. He had heard that for some people, slow repetitive tasks get them into a state that can almost feel like getting turned on. That must be the case for Aisling. He started to stand up to escape Aisling and because his curiosity was getting the better of him. Aisling pushed him back down with her hand on his diaphragm. Shane's stomach did backflips. ‘We’re not done yet.’ 

‘I just wanted to see.’ Shane squeaked. 

‘You can see after I'm finished. Just be patient.’ Aisling grabbed Shane’s chin and moved her fingers over his jawline. Shane sucked in a breath. ‘Do you shave?’ Shane nodded. Aisling's eyes moved over his lower features. She looked focussed on her task. Shane didn't dare move. ‘Funny, I almost don't feel anything, just one or two rough patches.’ She kept moving her fingers. ‘I could try and shave those of as well...’ Her eyes darted up into Shane's, searching. ‘Orange’ Shane muttered. He probably wouldn't stop her, but he did feel an uncomfortable twinge. Aisling let his chin go and moved away to the sink, gathering up some things and bringing them over. ‘It's not necessary.’ Aisling sat on her knees in front of Shane. Opening a tube and squirting a white substance onto her hand. She placed small dots all over Shane's face, the small blots cooling his burning skin. ‘Please rub that in for me.’ Aisling was already moving on to another tube. Shane felt like he was in a dream. His body didn't feel his anymore, and he responded sluggishly. His arms only started moving after a few beats, and he rubbed the substance in slowly. He was looking mesmerised at Aisling, not fully believing what was happening. Aisling saw his baffled expression and just smirked more. ‘You can beg with those puppy eyes as much as you want, to make me stop you need to find your voice.’ Aisling started again with new make-up. First placing new specks of foundation and gently rubbing them into his skin. Moving on to powders and brushes. ‘You need to sit very still and close your eyes.’ Shane did as he was asked and felt a thin, wet brush ever so precisely move on his eyelid. He held still as much as possible. His breathing was high in his chest. ‘Keep your eyes closed and don't touch them.’ 

Shane heard Aisling collect some new things from the sink and felt her presence back in front of him. ‘You can open them again.’ Shane saw Aisling in front of him with mascara in hand. She moved in with the brush, her other hand lifting his face slightly upwards. It took only a few moments before Aisling let go of his face again. ‘All done’ She smiled in satisfaction. ‘Now-’ She reached for a can of shaving cream and a razor. ‘Could you get me a towel and take your pants off.’ That made Shane pause. In this strangely intimate moment, he and Aisling had shared he could not deny that all the looks and touches had started to turn him on and unfortunately it had been enough to make his body respond in uncomfortable way. He had gone as far as this point but letting Aisling see him without pants, letting her see the bulge he knew would be there. He couldn't stomach it. ‘Red!’ 

Aisling stopped and set her shaving spray and razor down. She stared at Shane with worry. ‘How am I going too far?’ She asked. It felt to Shane as if she didn't demand an answer, she just wanted to know where she went wrong. ‘The pants... I don’t want you to see- I can't let you see! Please...’ Shane pleaded. He felt so scared. Aisling would be disgusted with him he was sure of it. ‘Alright Shane... You won't have to show me anything you don't want to. Do you believe me when I say that?’ Shane took a second before slowly nodding. ‘I want to shave your legs. It would look gorgeous when you wear that dress if they were smooth. I only have to shave to just above the knee. Do you think it would be okay if I shaved up to there if you had a towel wrapped around your waist?’ Shane didn't respond. His shallow breathing continued as his eyes darted around, avoiding Aisling. He wanted to say yes, because the picture Aisling just painted felt so wonderfully soothing to his mind, but his discomfort was still very much present. ‘Remember the colours...’ Aisling coaxed. Shane took two deep breaths. ‘Orange.’ 

‘Does that mean you are willing to try?’ Shane nodded his head fast. ‘Okay, wait here’ Aisling stood up, ‘and no peeking at yourself while I'm out.’ Shane was left with only the static sounds of his bathroom. No dripping faucet to distract him. Just the anxiety mixing with the heat in his body, making him want to jump out of his skin. He stayed seated, shuffling his feet over the bathroom floor. He was so curious to see his face. It was burning up from Aisling's work and his overactive brain. His fingers grazed his cheeks. A momentary spark from his nerves, but the rest of it felt normal. Just his cheek, just... slightly softer from the conditioner and the powder? Aisling entered the bathroom again and looked him over. She had two towels in her hands and was next to Shane in one, long, confident stride. ‘Get up.’ Shane shot up. Aisling covered the toilet seat and the floor in front of it with the bigger towel and handed the other to Shane. ‘Here. And be careful not to smudge any of that.’ Her eyes were piercing and domineering. Shane hadn't even noticed he was still absentmindedly touching his cheek. Quickly taking the towel he stood there, awkwardly pacing and trying to hide himself in the towel. Aisling kept staring and bit the inside of her lip. ‘Tell me when you’re ready.’ after another beat she turned her back to Shane and started filling the sink with hot water. His fingers fiddled with his pants, he couldn't get the button undone. One beat, two beat, three beat, finally. He tugged his pants down and tried to avoid looking down, quickly wrapping his towel around his waist. His first attempt at speaking failed miserably. Second attempt. A shrill sound came out. ‘I- I’m done. I'm ready!’ 

‘Alright, sit back down.’ Aisling directed Shane into the correct position. She was kneeling in front of him again. She let his legs rest on her upper thighs. Taking the shaving cream, she massaged it into one leg then got the razor ready. Slowly she would glide the razor down Shane's leg. Occasionally she lifted his leg further up so she could angle the razor correctly. She started at his ancles and worked her way up incrementally. She took great care to only make short strokes. Dipping the razor in the hot water of the sink just within reach. Shane kept himself busy worrying about his towel. Constantly readjusting it to make sure Aisling could not see anything he didn't want. Better that than thinking about what was happening. Aisling's demeanour domineering and intense, holding him hostage. The helpless feeling spurring Shane on rather than turning him away. Realising Aisling's breathing had gotten intensely deep, while she maintained her concentration on her work. Yeah, Shane rather not think about that. Aisling moved on to the second leg and was slowly working her way up it. At some point she had stopped looking at her razor and was looking at Shane's eyes. The razor kept going. Shane was lost in deep brown. His chest was heaving. The Razor slowly crept its way up his leg. Aisling held him still. Shane tried to break eye contact. He failed. His darting eyes kept returning to Her's. Inside Aisling's irises hid rings of amber. ‘Stop squirming, It's only a moment longer.’ Shane tried. It was only a moment longer, he knew, but he couldn't stop his body. The nervous energy had been building for hours now. Aisling grabbed Shane's ancle tight. He couldn't move as much anymore. Aisling took her time finishing up the last bit, then she reached for a small spray bottle. ‘it's against irritation’ she said as she pressed Shane's skin and massaged it in with strong steady hands. A soft whine escaped Shane's lips. He did not register he did it. Or he did not care anymore. He knew he was openly panting now, he couldn't stop. It was too much. Aisling stood up and towered over him. ‘Ready for the last part?’ Shane nodded. He was alone for just a moment, whilst Aisling got the dress. When she came back in, she was holding some other things. 

‘I’ll step out again, but don't you dare look at yourself without me!’ Shane gulped. ‘Also, it might be too much. But I got you these.’ Shane's heart skipped a beat. Aisling handed a fairly standard set of underwear. A matching black set to go with the dress. A bra and panties with a lace trim. He lost himself in the fabric. Rubbing it, imagining it. ‘But... That would be weird right?’ He looked for support from Aisling, but Aisling just beheld him. 

‘Why would it be weird?’ 

‘Because... I'm a- I'm a man...’ No response came. Shane was almost sure that intense expression was turning lustful. Almost. ‘Wouldn't that be... wrong?’ 

‘Why? In drag they also wear women's underwear sometimes. Brian does. You can ask him. If you want it... Now you have it. Drag is all about embodiment. Try to think of yourself as a women alter ego. Come to think of it...’ Aisling came close. ‘You should give yourself a drag name.’ 

‘buhwahh??!!’ 

‘A drag name. You can't go by Shane looking like this. It doesn't fit. You should probably pick something that shows of how damn cute you are.’ Aisling said in unconcealed hunger. Shane rubbed the fabric of the underwear harder. ‘Like cherrypie, to match the colour of your cheeks.’ Aisling touched his face softly. Shane let out a nervous giggle. 'What about Buttercup!’ he joked along with her. ‘Okay Buttercup,’ Aisling whispered, ‘get yourself ready and you can finally look in the mirror.’ 

‘That was- I was- I was joking!’ Shane stuttered. 

‘I wasn't. For as long as you are in drag you are a cute girl named Buttercup. Better get used to it.’ Aisling had laid a trap and Shane/Buttercup had fallen face first into it. He/She could protest, but the serenity washing over him/her let the moment pass. Aisling had left while they were still revelling in the feeling. The emptiness of the room focused the attention back on the underwear. Would it be okay? To be Buttercup for today? Shane had made it this far, maybe he could stand aside for a moment. Not get in his own way and let her take the lead for now. Standing nude in his bathroom Shane had one last moment of doubt as he was holding the bra. It would be weird and unfitting he reminded himself. So be it, he thought. The bra actually fit better than Buttercup expected. The panties slightly less so but nothing that a bit of tucking couldn't fix. Buttercup should probably look up how to do that in a better way for any future drag experience. Then came the moment to put on the dress. Buttercup took a deep breath and let the dress fall down her body. It was snug around the waist but freeing everywhere else. Buttercup noticed how she didn't feel the need to constantly fight against the fit of the fabric. It was more an extension. The dress moved with her and accentuated her bodily expression. A turn of the hips would make the flared skirt swish in the most delightful way. The way her body curved with the fit, it was a perfect harmony. A small voice, somewhere deep in the back of her head said to Buttercup that drag is usually more extravagant than this. The voice was quickly lost in a sea of joy. 

Buttercup swished her way out of the bathroom in pure glee. She stopped in her tracks when she was met by Aisling leaning against the wall, waiting for her. ‘Damn...’ Aisling pushed herself of the wall gently nibbled on one of her fingers, looking at Buttercup. ‘I outdid myself... So did you...’ Aisling was in front of a completely frozen Buttercup, holding her by the shoulders. ‘Are you ready to see what you look like?’ Buttercup came out of her stupor and nodded vigorously. Aisling slowly pressured Buttercup to turn and face the mirror. In front of Aisling, who looked incredible with her wild pixie cut and dangerous eyes, stood a shorter redhead. Her frame slight, her hair thick and wavy. She had freckles all over her face, accentuated by the natural colour in her cheeks and the make-up. Her eyes looked huge, terrified, excited. Beautiful thick black eyelashes and subtle eyeliner bringing out the bright blue. The girl was gorgeous. Could it really be Buttercup? Could it really be Shane? Buttercup/Shane couldn't believe it was her/him. Lifting his hand Shane touched his face seeing the girl in the mirror do the same. He pouted his lips, the full lips of the mirror woman did the same. The mirror woman ran her hand through her hair and Shane felt the soft feeling of his fingers running through his. ‘Is this really happening?’ 

‘Very much so.’ Shane/Buttercup heard a whisper from behind and she saw Aisling's lips move in the mirror. She saw Aisling move her hands to the tight waist of the mirror woman that she slowly accepted as her own. Especially when she could feel Aisling's hands finding their home holding her sides. She moaned and the mirror woman disappeared for a second as she closed her eyes. Opening them she saw how much the dress made her hips flare out. She noticed that the dress and the bra worked together to create a little cleavage. She noticed how the sleeveless dress revealed her slim arms. Aisling's hands ran up one of those arms. The touch was electric. ‘Green!’ She heard herself say. Aisling stopped for a second, trying to find her eyes. What Aisling saw was a desperation. Eyes that asked because the voice had long since stopped being able to do so. ‘Stay still.’ She did as Aisling asked. She was drifting in the vision in front of her, not noticing Aisling approaching until two hands intruded her vision. Aisling put A silver necklace with a Triskele symbol on her. It fell just on her diaphragm, in between the ever so subtly noticeable mounds. ‘Buttercup?’ She looked at Aisling in anticipation. ‘I’m taking you to bed now yeah?’ Lust. She didn't hesitate.

‘Green.’