Chapter 5.5

Considering it was so bothersome, maybe it is time to question what your masculinity means to you.

The words were ringing in Shane's head over and over again. Professor Byrne's advice after all of Shane's turmoil was to dig even deeper.

Maybe it is time to question what your masculinity means to you.

Shane didn't like the advice. Not at all.

What your masculinity means to you.

Instead of actually digging deeper the sentence just kept ringing through his mind over and over again. What he had hoped for, he didn’t get. Miss Byrne's meetings usually soothed his nerves not worsened them.

Masculinity means to you.

Shane could picture miss Byrne saying it. standing up, looking down on him, taking his chin into his hands and lifting his face up to meet her green eyes. It didn't help to picture it. The nerves only worsened, yet he couldn’t stop. The image kept coming back. The words echoing through his mind. No reflection of them in his brain. Just the soft, strong fingers on his chin and the dizzying feeling in his stomach. He walked through the campus lost in thought. Going in circles. Trying to get home.

'Hey lass, watch were you're going!'

Davis was right in front of him. It was hard to forget him with the red cap and always present smile and glint. It startled Shane out of his thoughts. 'I'm sorry, I did it again lad. Last time I will mistake you, promise. Up-close it's hard to miss anyways.' For the second time that day Shane, felt discomfort roll through his body like a tidal wave. The ever present glint in Davis's eyes unsettled Shane for reasons he didn't understand. The words making the sensation worse was almost secondary to Davis's presence.

'Sorry' Shane mumbled. He just wanted out of this situation, his eyes looked for an exit.

'You look troubled, little man. what's bugging ya?' Davis started blocking his view. The smile was gone from his face, but the glint would never. His expression was almost sympathetic.

'it's…. I'm just a little confused' Shane said, feeling compelled.

'Why didn't you say so earlier! I am great with helping my friends out when they are confused, you could say I am almost known for it around here!' David looked proud. 'Why don’t ya tell me why and we'll see about getting ya fixed straight!' Shane felt tongue tied. A helping hand was offered when he felt like he needed one. Shouldn't he accept? He really wanted someone to help him, especially after Byrne didn't. But Davis's presence was just too unsettling. Shane couldn't put his fingers on it but something about the man in front of him made Shane feel like a cornered animal. He wanted to run but felt stuck trying to come up with a polite way to reject Davis. An imperceptible flick of the eyes by Davis and suddenly his whole demeanour changed.

'Well you just mull it over, I have a bus to catch. Just know, I'm always around' Davis said in a rushed manner. He turned around and walked away quickly. The last time Shane saw his face he almost felt as if the glint in Davis's eyes had disappeared. He stood there for a few seconds before he finally came out of his daze. Orienting himself he turned around to go home and saw professor Byrne standing behind him in the hallway. She smiled a soft smile at him before mouthing 'good night' across the space. It felt like a whisper. Shane did the same and Byrne turned the corner and left.

Nobody slept well that night.