12:30

A: Soooo, what do you think?

L: Think of what?

A: Of Shane, Einstein

L: Yeah he seems nice, wonder how that's gonna turn out

A: Yeah right!!

A: I know I shouldn't but I'm kinda hoping 'he's' gonna figure it out soon!

A: I'm gonna be first in line I can tell you that!

L: Sure

A: That idiot was always so clueless, can't believe he never figured out I was into him

A: Liam can you please be a little more excited

A: I'm always perving out with you, now it's your turn.

L: I'm sure 'He's' gonna be very cute and all that but you know 'He's' been claimed right?

A: what???

L: Yeah Shane and that other girl, Erin. Sorry, Brian sensed the traces of Miss D's ex all over him.

A: fucking fuck fuck!

L: Yeah so don’t get your hopes up...

15:30

A: NO! FUCK IT! I'm not losing this one!

L: ..Just be a little careful please.. You don't want those two at each other's throats again.

A:…….. You know.. Maybe they should, wanna help?

L: What the hell are you planning?

Monday couldn't come quickly enough for Shane. Which under normal circumstances would sound weird to anyone. But these were not normal circumstances for Shane. When his alarm went off he shot up and excitedly prepared for the day. He was only going to go to class where he would see friendly and familiar faces. But that was way more exciting to him than it should have had any right to be. He was living again Shane thought. He was actually experiencing the ups and downs of a normal life again. He felt like he was moving forward. ever since meeting miss Byrne last week, he had been waking up with more and more energy. After the party on Friday he had gained another boost. He was starting to feel like he wasn’t alone. Maybe he could even try and talk to Erin at some point. She had not left or gotten angry Friday night. They would, at least, share a whole semester together, plenty of opportunity to at some point say sorry. He was brushing his teeth when he got a text from Aisling.

A: want to hang out later?

S: sure! I do have class today. Are you free in the evening?

A: damn, I was hoping this afternoon. Have to practice in the evening. Tomorrow?

S: Tomorrow works too. I don't have much to do after class.

A: It's a date!

Aisling was still into teasing Shane. It always made him a little nervous and that in turn made him agitated. Today it didn't though. He didn’t know why but that nervous beating in his chest started to move outwards into his belly and fingertips. His body gently tingled until he had to stop brushing his teeth to do a little excited dance. He couldn't believe this was him. he was just so happy to finally make a friend again. It was an old friend, sure. But Aisling had changed so much that it felt like a new friend. Shane even felt daring enough to tease Aisling back.

S: I'll wear something nice, just for you.

He closed his phone, the nervous tingles in his body telling him not to look at it. Maybe he had taken it too far. Maybe Aisling thought he was weird now. Regardless of the thoughts running through his head, he couldn't keep the smile away. Aisling and him had done a lot of chatting over the weekend and had gone to a park on Saturday, just to talk a bit more after the party. It had been so nice. It had felt natural to reconnect with Aisling. She treated him so differently now. Still teasing but a lot less harsh. And now that Shane had started to let go of his anger more and more he felt unrestricted to act the way he liked around her. Aisling and him were very different in a lot of ways, but the way they bounced off each other was amazing. It was such a rush to act without inhibition. He hadn’t felt this way since his friendship with Erin.

Shane had to stop his hopping around the bathroom to complete brushing his teeth. Then his mood slightly turned as he had to move to his least favourite task. He grabbed his razor and let his sink fill with warm water. He wet his hands and rubbed them over his face before applying shaving cream, but then he slowed down. His fingers traced his cheeks and couldn't feel much, if any, hair. That was weird. Shane had a three day routine for a reason. He had facial hair but it grew slowly. Meaning that if he shaved every day he would inevitably damage his skin from shaving irritation. Leaving it for longer than three days he would have a rough carpet of greasy hair everywhere. Shaving every three days meant he got rid of it before it became unbearable but he left enough time in between for his skin to look reasonably healthy. This morning though his fingertips couldn't find the itchy sprouts that bothered him so. Only on his upper lip and his chin did his fingers feel any hair. Even that felt unfamiliar. It was soft and thin and was almost missed when he glided over it. his stomach felt weird. He turned to the mirror he was facing away from. He looked, first at his chin, then his upper lip, then he started to take in the rest of his face. He saw the little thin hairs that last Friday had still been dark and thick when he shaved them off. Now the hair was barely noticeable. It was so light-red it started turning blond and disappeared when hit by the bathroom light. How could that happen? Shane thought he knew enough about hormones to know that their levels could fluctuate, and that could influence the body. But surely not to this extent, he thought. He was staring at his face with equal parts unease and amazement. His cheeks looked to be completely free of the hair that had always felt unwelcome. He couldn't lie to himself and say that it didn’t make him happy, but it reminded him in that this wasn't normal. Closer inspection of the rest of his face increased Shane's confusion. The cheeks he was looking at seemed fuller. Rounder. In fact his face looked rounded out in general. He was used to his rectangle shape, but it had ever so slightly shifted into more of an oval. His eyes looked to be bigger, his lashes longer. Was that him just imagining things though? He had always had long lashes. Maybe he had just gained weight which made his face look rounder, and in that rounder shape his eyes popped out more. Shane felt disoriented, not totally understanding what he was looking at. he looked closer to try and discern if his eyes were actually bigger. That's when he noticed his eyebrows. Had they always been that thick? He inspected them and saw that some of the hairs were almost meeting in the middle, forming a unibrow. Revulsion hit his stomach next. He had never felt this way looking at his own features. He was thoroughly unimpressive, sure. He could never see what others saw in him. but this was new, where did this come from? He took a step back and looked at his face in its entirety again. Shane saw the gentle oval shape and the soft skin come up from underneath the greasy facial hair that had dissapeared. He didn’t know why that made him so happy but it did. Before the happiness settled however, his face was morphed into a mutant of itself, and with it, his happiness was transmogrified into disgust. the eyebrows, the nose, the pointy thick chin. They stood out like disfigurements on a soft and gentle base. Those same features he had always had, and never earned more than a glance, suddenly couldn’t be ignored. Shane turned around, turned off the lights and slammed the bathroom door behind him.

Shane quickly slipped in a big black hoodie, put the hood on his head and pulled the cords. Rushing to the university he was sure that he'd need professor Byrne's help today. He was already going to meet up with her to tell her about how much better he was feeling. Now his heartbeat was racing, his mind was spinning. She had to help him. Maybe she knew what was going on.

Erin shot of a quick text to Anne saying she would be late. Then she watched the minutes of the clock slowly tick away. Knowing that if she left now she would arrive exactly when everybody had already found their seat Erin picked up her bag and started walking. Guilt was running through her body. She had lied to her newest bestest friend. But what was she supposed to do? It's not every day that your newest bestest friend kisses you and leaves your whole mind and body feeling confused for the entire weekend. Moreover Erin didn’t know where to go from here. She knew she needed to reject Anne. She was straight after all. And Anne was clearly not. But she also really didn't want to stop exploring what had been happening between them. It had been such a natural dynamic. It was so easy to just give in and enjoy the moment. Not having to doubt her actions or words for a second.

Erin had made her way to the university completely lost in thought, and was making her way towards the classroom. It would also be a shame to have to give up the slowly developing physical affection between her and Anne. Erin had enjoyed it, but her and Anne clearly had different ideas about what it meant, right? She had only been attracted to guys right? Well okay, she had only ever felt like she had a crush on one guy. Erin entered the classroom. Professor Byrne had only just started the introduction. Late enough that everyone had found their seat but not too late that she would be scolded by Byrne, perfect. Erin's eyes immediately found Anne's as if they were drawn to them. Anne was surrounded on all sides by other students. Erin felt relief and guilt mix in her stomach. She mouthed a 'Sorry' to Anne then mimicked an alarm going off with her hand opening and closing whilst she tilted her head sideways and closed her eyes pretending to snore through it. Anne was giggling at Erin's impromptu game of charades and mouthed a 'forgiven' to Erin.

Only one seat was easily accessible for Erin. She quickly scooted into it, sitting next to the isle on one side and a black hoodie on the other. She started to get lost in her thoughts again. thinking about how Anne had made her feel. Doubting her own judgement and beliefs about herself. Could she have been wrong all these years? looking at the back of Anne's head, her soft brown hair. Erin remembered how it had tickled her shoulders at the party. How it had made her lean into it more. Anne turned around and gave her a smirk from across the classroom. Erin was staring, hard. She saw the dimples appear on Anne's face and her attention was pulled to Anne's soft lips. Erin shook herself out of her stupor and tried to focus on class again. Ms. Byrne was going on and on about the structure for the next group assignment. Erin lost interest again. Maybe she hadn’t been lying to herself all these years. maybe it was just more complex. Maybe she was bi or something like that. Guys had flirted with her. And all her girlfriends had told her how jealous of her they were. Big, broad shouldered, and muscly guys usually approached her. It made her football teammates swoon. The straight ones at least. Erin wasn't going lie to herself. It wasn't exactly her type, these macho men. She especially didn't care for how dominant they wanted to be when she had decided to sleep with one or two of them. Taking control had felt good though, and the attention she got from them made her feel incredibly desired and confident. But was she truly attracted to them?

The question kept running through her mind. Picturing their physiques and then looking over at Anne occasionally. Remembering the sex she had with them, she had more or less just used them as glorified dildo's. pushing them down onto the bed and using them in whatever way she wanted. But she wasn't fascinated by their body hair. She wasn't interested in their low voices trying to do sexy talk. She didn't feel comforted by their powerful muscles. If anything she felt trapped whenever they tried to wrap themselves around her. Whilst class went on and Byrne discussed the different topics that the group projects were going to be about, Erin was getting more and more lost in her own mind. The realisation that maybe she didn't actually feel attraction to most guys she had slept with wasn't comforting. Erin had always believed to know herself very well. How could she have misread her own feelings so badly? But she hadn't, had she? She had felt true attraction and desire for a guy. Sure it was back in high school, but it had been real. Did that not count for anything? She had not wanted to date any of the muscle freaks she slept with, not being able to picture herself in a relationship with them. But in high school she could. She truly wanted to date, and she could picture a real relationship, even now she could. So maybe she was attracted to guys, but not the type she had been sleeping with. dating was different than sex after all. It was about more than physical attraction. Erin was convinced that she could find a man she was attracted to. They just had to be less…. Manly. Yeah, that sounded about right. They just had to be funny and a little sassy. And not too big… Or at least not all macho and dominant about it…. and maybe also not much beard growth. She didn’t like kissing those men because the rough beard hair always pricked her skin. And-

'Hey sorry, can I borrow a pen.. oh..' A familiar voice with an unfamiliar raspy quality rung out. speak of the devil. The black hoodie Erin had taken a seat next to was Shane. How could it not be. It seemed preordained that She couldn't just avoid him like she wanted too. 'I didn’t realise…sorry' Shane said. Looking away. new guilt started bubbling up in Erin. Had she been so stand-offish that even when she sat next to Shane, he still felt like it was his fault.

'it's okay…. Here you go' Erin gave Shane her pen. And started to drift off into her thoughts again. 'uhm.. Erin?' Shane was looking at her. It was only then that Erin noticed Shane's appearance. He looked like… like she knew him… He had a boyish appearance today. Reminiscent of how he looked way back then. A soft and shy expression. His eyes sucking Erin in. This was the face that confused her so. The face that she wasn't able to forget. After seeing it morph into one of those macho jocks she could never find attractive, it was suddenly back. 'you also need a pen yourself…' Erin was confused. 'You know.. for the exercise….' Erin eyes tried to focus on the reality outside of her daydreams. Looking at the front of the classroom she saw the current slide of today's lecture.

In your own words explain Russian formalism in no more than five sentences. Write it on a loose piece of paper and write your name underneath it. then hand it in at the end of class.

'yeah… alright.. I forgot.. I think I have a second pen….somewhere?' Erin said. The corners of Shane's mouth curled up into a smile. 'Are you on vacation?' He asked her. Erin realised his voice's raspy quality came from it not being as low as usual. She looked at him questioningly. 'because you seem miles away.' He smiled. Erin couldn't help herself. Shane truly seemed to become more and more like the friend she lost. She smiled back. 'Yeah… I have a lot on my mind… hey, you know what this Russian formalism is all about? I was gonna catch up on reading this weekend but…. I lacked inspiration' Erin concluded. Shane just giggled some more making Erin smile. It was cute. And proved to her that she, in fact, did find men attractive. 'Yeah I lacked inspiration too!' shane said. 'Honestly, for all I know this could be about soviet table manners!'

'Well maybe we should write that down. 'Russian formalism is when the spoon is placed above the board, whilst the knife is placed on the right'' Erin pretended to write down what she said. Both of them were laughing now, earning them some looks from the rest of the class. They quieted down a bit. Still softly giggling to each other and making silly jokes, until they only had a minute left to finish their assignment. 'no, but seriously I think it's like something about story structure and fairy tales. Like the story always follows the same architypes, like it's about how the fairy in the story is always good and the wizard always bad or something like that.' Shane explained. leaning closer to Erin to whisper only for her to hear. Erin wrote down in big bald letters 'It's totally, like about story structure and stuff' making sure Shane saw. 'I Don’t sound like that!' Shane said with fake indignation. His voice sounded. Well. like a girl. It surprised Erin but no more than it did Shane, who snapped his mouth shut and held a hand in front of it. He didn’t need to be shushed by Ms. Byrne, he looked embarrassed enough. a deep red blush appearing on his cheeks that Erin couldn't look away from. Professor Byrne did look at the both of them for a few seconds with stern eyes. Both Erin and Shane felt caught in the stare. Right before Professor Byrne looked away again, Erin thought she could see a hint of a satisfied smile on her face. Erin started softly laughing again. She just couldn't help it. It reminded her of sitting next to Anne. Shane still feeling embarrassed shifted his eyes nervously around the room until he too started to relax and giggle again. Erin was staring at Shane's cheek. Losing herself in how soft and nice it looked. How it reminded her in a strange way of Anne's dimples. It hit her then that, sitting next to Shane didn’t remind her of Anne. No. sitting next to Anne reminded her of sitting next to Shane.

'Lastly class. The first group assignments will give their presentation two weeks from now. Even if your group is not first it is best to start working on it this week as the workload for the later groups will stack up if you do not keep pace with it now. On this slide you can see which group you have been placed in.' Professor Byrne announced as a closing remark for today's class. 'If there are any questions please do not be afraid to ask.'

Erin's eyes scanned the board. She found her own name soon, as she was already presenting three weeks from now. She was placed in her first choice subject, South-American literature. And right underneath her name was Shane. Erin started to realise how badly the avoidance strategy was failing. But looking over at Shane who was shyly eyeing her, she was pretty sure she didn’t want to anymore either.