Around the corner from the lecture hall Anne saw Shane leave the university. She had meant to catch up with Eleanor after class but had been sent away by Eleanor without Shane noticing. In the hallway she had looked for Erin. There was something serious going on between her and that Shane 'guy', but she didn’t know what. In the lecture Anne had tried to get a little closer with Erin and at first it seemed to work but her attempts at friendly conversation had stopped when the lecture started and Erin's attention was fully wrapped up in Byrne's words and whatever pissed her off so much about Shane. It was a shame Anne thought. She might actually like Erin if she had gotten more of a chance to speak with her. But for now she had to inform Eleanor about the anger between her two new targets.

Anne walked back to Eleanor's classroom and saw her sitting at the desk looking pensively ahead. 'Did everything go alright with Shane?' Anne asked. Eleanor looked up and gave her a small smile. Anne was beckoned to come closer and sit down next to Eleanor. 'The deal is struck.' Eleanor said and stared ahead. Anne wasn't sure what to say. This was usually good news. Getting someone to agree to vague promises was pretty difficult. She remembered her own induction into Eleanor's club and the moment of the deal came almost at the end of the school year after a whole lot of sweet talking and eventful nights.

'Soo hooray us, right? Aren't we over the big hurdle in record time?' Anne asked, making Eleanor look at her. Even after years Anne still wasn't used to how weak she felt when caught in Eleanor's eyes. 'Usually yes... I am afraid that this time however the real task is only just starting. This 'Shane' they are clueless about themselves. It will be awhile before they can embrace the offer.' Eleanor spoke, making sure Anne understood she was tasked with helping 'Shane' in this process. Eleanor's eyes left Anne's. 'So much pain..' Eleanor let the words hang. Anne knew how Eleanor couldn't stand her girls hurting. Unfortunately Anne knew as well as Eleanor that no matter how powerful she was Eleanor could not protect everyone from all harm. Especially if the new girls arrived with harm already having been done to them.

'I'm sorry Eleanor,' Anne said after a few seconds. She got up and hugged Eleanor from behind. 'I know it's hard to see them arrive this way… I also have to share something that might make you feel worse.' Eleanor twisted her body in Anne's embrace so she could look at Anne. 'please tell my dear.' Worry creeping into her expression.

'I think that, at least part of what is going on with Shane involves Erin. She was pretty upset when she saw Shane. I asked what it was, but she didn't really want to go into it. Something bad must have happened between those two. She saw Shane looking at her and basically fled out of the room.'

Eleanor sighed deeply. 'So it was her… It looks like we have our work cut out for us.'

'It was her? Did Shane tell you what happened?' Anne asked. Hoping she was actually going to find out what made Erin so angry. Although, it would mean she would have to keep a secret from Erin which felt slightly wrong.

'No. Unfortunately that 'boy' has known pain for too long. He cannot distinguish between hurt and its sources anymore. Admitting he could be the one inflicting it was already revelation enough. I fear pushing him to realise why he hurt this Erin would have been too much too fast.' Eleanor's eyes left Anne's again. after wondering around the room they suddenly rested upon one of the papers on her desk. Anne followed Eleanor's stare, she was looking at the sign-up sheet for the group projects. There was still an empty spot in Erin's group.

'Maybe this year our approach should be a bit more strategic.' Eleanor said as she picked up a pen to make some adjustments. 'Anne my dear, for now I want you to keep your focus on Erin and-'

Shane was nervous. Maybe even more nervous than the first day of university had made him. A message in some first years group chat had informed him of a party happening on Friday night to kick of the new academic year. He was making his way there, walking down the street bathed in the beautiful September twilight. The first week had taken a lot out of him and he wasn't sure if going to the party was actually a good idea. He hadn’t been to a party since prom night and that made this even more terrifying. He had promised himself to not drink and just go there to meet people. After all, now that he had committed to seeing this university adventure through he had to actually start talking to people. He felt like he had a bit more confidence because of the helping hand offered by professor Byrne. In her office Shane had a space he could retreat to and calm down in. This week he had only visited professor Byrne once to talk shortly about how overwhelming he found all these new experiences and to inform her that he forgot to sign up for the group project. Professor Byrne had reassured Shane that the problem of the group project was already solved and afterwards listened intently to Shane's anxieties. Those intense eyes made Shane's tongue looser than normal. The meeting was short. Shane still felt a little awkward about the whole agreement but afterwards he felt more relaxed. It hurt to see Erin try and ignore him for most classes but not enough to deter him from going to the party to try and meet some new friends.

If he was being honest with himself, the anxiety he was feeling was also a little bit of excitement. he was feeling a little better after a week in college. He had put himself out there in the world and was seeing new people and learning new things. It wasn't easy but it was better than not seeing the outside of his room except for work the past two years. He didn’t really make friends the first week but that is what the parties are for right? Regardless of his nervousness he had looked himself in the mirror and groomed his face a little hoping he could make a good impression and connect with some new people. Shane was nearing the party. It was a student apartment in an old house in the centre of the city. Which probably meant these hosts where some rich kids. Not the crowd he really wanted to hang out with anymore but if the party was big enough it would be easy to ignore. He turned the corner into the street and started checking if he could spot the right house from the outside. He caught his reflection in the window. he instinctively looked away again but not before noticing that he looked okay. Not as shaggy as before. He had brushed his hair for the first time in ages and he was surprised how nice and thick his red hair looked in the window's reflection. Shane felt a small part of the nerves settle as he knocked on the door. He could hear the loud bass of the music coming through the walls. The door opened and a wasted twenty-something year old guy opened it for him saying 'welcome to the party' before ignoring Shane and joining his friends again. Shane walked in and was immediately overwhelmed by the loud music, the amount of people and the huge amounts of beer in crates stacked against the walls. the house was big but the walls tight. The old building style making everything more cramped. As he moved into the party he could see how dirty the walls were. Ugly and beautiful wall paintings shared the space equally, together with a grease coating that could only come from a lot of smoking inside. Most people were having conversations in groups in the hallway. Shane already felt anxiety rising as he could not see a way for him to join any of these conversations. Once he had been a party animal. Or pretended to be at least. Back then he would have just bunched his way into one of these conversations without any shame. But now he had plenty of shame. Back then he also had a group of friends at the same parties, whilst here he knew nobody. Moving into the more spacious living area, Shane saw some games being played near the kitchen. Most alarmingly beer pong. A game that had gotten him drunk way to many times. He turned to the other side of the room were a lounging area was set-up with multiple couches in a semi-circle. He saw the people there were playing some kind of card-game. Shane noticed some empty spots on the couch and decided to ask if he could join.

Settling in on the couch Shane made some introductions to the other players. Most of them were biology students that already knew each other a little bit. Shane felt slightly awkward including himself in this group but he did not really see any of the faces from literature when he scanned the room earlier. Although when he looked up now he saw Erin quickly glancing at him before disappearing into the hallway.

Shane was here too? Of course he was. Erin had to be reminded of him every single day in college, so why not during leisure as well. Shane had thankfully decided to leave Erin alone. The entire week Erin had seen Shane take a seat almost as far away from hers as possible. It did not help much. Erin found herself unreasonably annoyed at Shane. spiralling in her own head about the reasons for Shane's choice of the same study as hers. Was it just some elaborate way to cause her more pain? Was Shane trying to reconnect? It really wasn't like Erin to be so preoccupied. She was so hurt when Shane betrayed her in high school. But pain had turned into anger within a month and that anger quickly faded and Erin had just moved on and made her own way through life. She had built such a fun life in uni. How was she letting Shane get to her so much again? even her dreams were being infected. A few nights ago she woke up in a cold sweat. In the dream she was back in high school. She was at a party, Shane and some of her former friends were there too. Shane was behaving like an absolute ass. He was so drunk he could barely walk and was making jokes about peoples appearances. 'She's got thick glasses and still doesn't realise how ugly her boyfriend is huhuhuhuh.' In real life Erin had walked away and ignored it when Shane behaved like this. But in this dream she confronted him and just started shouting. Erin screamed everything she had ever thought about Shane's horrible behaviour right in his face. From his fake attitude to his mean jokes to his waste of space drug use. Everything, including and especially how much he had hurt her by getting angry at her that one evening and never talking to her again.

Erin needed to get out of this Shane spiral. Her current strategy was to just hope that ignoring him long enough and focusing on all the good parts of her life would eventually make her forget about Shane. Her football team was going to be at this party later on and a good night with the girls always made her forget about her stresses. Two friends from psychology were also supposed to be here. Liam and Brian could make Erin laugh on command with their endlessly goofy and nerdy antics. For now though Erin only knew for sure that Anne was here. She had talked with her a lot more in the last week and had started to get along. Anne had asked her if she was going to come with her tonight and Erin had felt compelled to say yes. A new friend could always be nice, especially at a new faculty. She hoped Anne was distraction enough until her other friends arrived. Otherwise she would need to consider option number two on her current Shane situation. A direct confrontation. Something she really rather not do.

Anne texted her she was on the balcony. Erin made her way up the stairs and reached her. 'Heeey Erin! I got us some prosecco!' Anne waved a bottle at Erin and filled up a glass before placing the bottle in a bucket full of ice. 'Cold of course. Just how you like it.' Anne gave Erin a playful wink before handing her the glass.

'I can't believe you remembered that.'  Erin said.

'What do you mean we talked about it earlier today?' Anne responded confused. 'Yeah that and a million other things. And we also had like two lectures in between.' Erin chuckled. It was funny to her how Anne just considered it normal to remember every single little thing Erin blabbed about.

'Yeahh but you know you are way more interesting than those lectures. More interesting than Davidsons ramblings about realism at least, blegghh! I much rather be quizzed about your drinking preferences.' Anne joked. Holding up her glass for a cheers, which Erin returned.

'C'mon Anne. Wasn't it interesting to learn about how the Barometer in Madame Bovary signified not so much a symbol in the story per see but an indication that the detailed writing style was emulating…' Erin's spot on imitation of Davidsons drone was interrupted by Anne groaning so loud it made a few other people on the balcony turn around. 'Erin I swear to god. I have liked you up until this point. But if you are going to try and indoctrinate me with the idea that Realism is not the most boring literary genre in the world you will go down in my estimation.' Anne teased.

'Sure but then you need to prove you are ready to be quizzed on the subject of Erin. Question one what is the best snack to go with some prosecco?' Erin asked. 'Duhh, Cheese of course!' and as she said that Anne reached down for a container full of little cheese cubes. 'Holy shit! You got those for me?' Erin asked. Who knew Anne would go the extra mile that hard for her. 'You know it! and if by 'got that for me' you mean 'I totally didn’t think about it until I saw this container in kitchen here at the party five minutes before you arrived', then yeah!' Anne threw her head back and laughed. Erin couldn't resist laughing with her. It was one of the best things about Anne. She laughed so freely and especially loudly. With Anne's high voice that usually sounded so songlike it was quite the experience to hear that tone go so hysterical and almost false. The amount of times just this week were Anne was cautioned by a professor for laughing to loud in class was astounding. Erin enjoyed it though. It was infectious and because Erin's laugh was much more subdued, Erin never got the heat from the professors. It was also a nice bonus to see those cute dimples appear on Anne's face whenever she laughed or smiled. It fascinated Erin. She wondered if everybody found those dimples as interesting as she did.

'So are any of your friends coming?' Erin asked Anne, changing the subject. Erin needed a little diversion or she would be caught staring. 'Hmm? Me? For sure, some of them told me they would show up. And I know enough people around here by now, I am bound to run in to one. But for now I was just planning on drinking this bottle up here with you if you don’t mind?' Anne said waving the bottle around and looking at Erin with an invitation in her eyes. 'Or did you meet up with other people?' Erin didn’t know why but she had a little trouble finding her words. 'I- yes- I mean no- my football team ehhh-' Erin gave herself a second during which Anne's smile got bigger. 'yes. let's share!' Erin and Anne clinked glasses.

All things considered it didn't take that long for the bottle to be emptied Erin thought. Or maybe that was just how it felt, she had lost track of most things around her. She just enjoyed her time with Anne. They had talked about everything and nothing again and Erin felt like she could go on forever. Anne was so energetic that every topic they fell upon felt like the most exciting topic. It wasn't until she noticed the bottle that Erin started to orient herself a little bit again. She realised that her and Anne were standing really close together in the corner and all the other people on the balcony had moved a bit further away. Erin hoped she didn't make Anne feel uncomfortable. 'I'm gonna get us some more drinks!' Erin said and quickly exited the balcony. She had been in such a haze that she had completely forgotten about all the other people at the party who she was supposed to meet up with. Although at the moment all she really felt like doing was going back to that balcony.

In the kitchen she opened the fridge to check for any whites. Finding some cheap bottom-of-the-self supermarket wine. It would have to do Erin thought. Before heading back up the stairs she spotted Shane at the beer-pong table. He looked better than he had at the start of the week. His face looked less rough Erin thought. It looked like Shane was having a good time with a woman Erin vaguely recognised. A twinge of annoyance that Erin found hard to place went through her body before she turned around and went back to Anne.

Shane was standing in the corner becoming quite miserable. The card game had been fun but his feelings of being an outsider were justified when all of the bio students got up and left because there was another party happening at the other side of town. He was alone on the couch and he didn't see any other games happening he could easily join. Except for Erin, Shane still hadn't seen any other literature students and the other groups were closed off in their tight circles. Shane stood up and went to the fridge to get another soft drink and quietly sipped it while looking at the beer-pong game. Inside his head he was not doing well. Shane was doubting everything again. why go to the party? Why go to university? Why try to make friends? Shane just couldn't see the point of it anymore. He had nothing to say to anyone, he wasn't interesting or nice. He didn't have anything to contribute. Maybe he had to disappoint professor Byrne after all. Even when he felt better before the party he still couldn't really say what he was actually expecting to happen. He would just knock everybody of their feet with his amazing talent of standing in corners? Why did he come here!?!? In his stewing there was even a moment were Shane considered going to find Erin. At least he knew her. He could get shouted at or purposefully ignored. That might feel better than accidentally ignored, who could say? Shane let that train of thought go though. Even if he felt better it probably wouldn’t make Erin feel better. After his conversation with professor Byrne all he really wanted considering Erin was for her to feel better. If that meant not talking to Shane than he would respect that.

'Shane? Is that really you?' Shane looked up from his in-depth strategical analysis of beer-pong. A woman was looking at him from a few steps away. She was about his height and Shane could swear he knew her from somewhere. He squinted his eyes as if that would make it easier to recognise her. 'Really Shane? Do I need to hand you my business card? Would that be easier?' The sarcasm in her voice made a bell ring loudly in Shane's head. 'Aisling?'

'wow. Only took you three to five workdays.' There was a soft grin on Aisling's face. 'No it's just- You look different. The pixie cut.' Shane blurted out. Aisling was part of the group of friends he made at the end of high school. He had not seen her since breaking of contact with that group. She had changed. Not just the hair, which Shane remembered always being worn in a long blond ponytail. Aisling carried herself differently. She had one hand in her jean pocket and was casually showing of her arms, exposed by her tank top. It was finished of by an oversized blouse tied around her waist. Aisling was clearly proud of her lean muscles as everything about her posture screamed confidence. Last time Shane saw her she was still into flowery dresses and as far as Shane remembered Aisling never showed any interest in sports. something had changed, Shane deduced.

'You can tell?' Aisling spread out her arms as if to present herself. 'and you know what a pixie cut is? Look at you finally knowing something about fashion and self-care. Although you could still work on it for yourself.' Shane looked down at his black hoodie and baggie trousers and wanted to retreat. Aisling was one of the nicer girls from his old group of friends, but he started to get the feeling he was being laughed at again.

'I just read stuff. I don't. really. Care. About it.' Shane started looking for an escape. He guessed it was the right decision to distance himself from his old group if even the nicer ones had turned into bullies. 'You read about it huh? You need to recommend me some books then. Can I get you something?' Aisling lifted up her wine glass. Shane felt his palms begin to sweat.

'I… just a coke, thanks.' Did Aisling want to get him drunk again? Another good round of laughter for her and her friends? Shane wasn’t going to give in anyways. Let them laugh at how straightedge he was now, he could deal with it. Shane could see Aisling's eyebrows go up in surprise. 'Alright coke it is.' Aisling reached into the fridge and got the open plastic bottle Shane had been using. She held out the bottle waiting for Shane to offer his cup. He allowed it. Shane wasn't comfortable with Aisling but he had been spiraling before, talking with someone kept his thoughts from getting worse for now.

'You know, when I saw you I thought you hadn’t changed a bit.' Aisling told Shane whilst filling up his glass. 'but you have, haven't you. And I don't just mean the drinking. You're looking better.' Aisling but the bottle back in the fridge and turned to face Shane again. He was still on edge so he answered carefully. 'Yeah. I combed my hair before coming.'

'Sure you did…' Another sleight. Shane was debating leaving or not. He remained silent. 'Come on Shane, we used to be friends and I saw you almost every single day. You can't tell me that that gelled up side comb you had just turned this thick and this soft looking from a bit of brushing.'

'What do you..' Shane's mouth moved faster than his brain. Once he processed Aisling's words fully he couldn't help but feel a spark of anger. 'Yes, we used to be friends. And yes, this is from a bit of brushing.' He looked away from Aisling, again observing the beer-pong game. 'Aww c'mon, I'm just teasing a little, you disappeared for like two years and I finally get a chance to…' there was a moment of silence from Aisling. Shane felt two piercing eyes trying to look at his face, which he kept as focused on the beer-pong as possible. 'Shane are you okay?' Shane heard from what felt like far away. 'Shane! look at me!' Aisling's voice was suddenly loud and commanding. Shane looked around wanting to tell Aisling to leave him alone. As soon as he saw Aisling's face he saw her look of concern. He tried to say something but he suddenly felt like he couldn't breathe.

'Shane keep looking at me okay? Just focus on my face and my words don't try to focus on anything else. You are hyperventilating. We need to get you to breathe normally again before we do anything else. Follow my breath' Aisling started taking big slow breaths. Shane tried to follow but he couldn't. he was screwing up again. 'That's it. keep focusing on me and keep trying to follow my breath'. Another deep long breath from Aisling. Shane followed along. Still not keeping the rhythm. 'Keep following. It's 3 seconds in.' Aisling took a big slow gulp of air. Shane tried the same. 'Hold it for 7' Aisling kept her breath and looked straight at Shane. 'and breathe out slowly for 10. ' Aisling breathed out whilst pursing her lips as if to whistle. 'In for 3. Hold for 7. Out for 10. Just follow along.' Aisling repeated one last time and then just kept breathing her slow and steady breaths. Shane failed miserably at first. His heart was beating way to fast. His thoughts were going everywhere. His lungs just couldn't stick to a gentle rhythm. He kept trying though, and slowly he could feel it working. Slowly but surely he could feel his heartbeat slowing down. He held his breath for longer. His brain stopped spiraling. He could think straighter again once he stopped focusing on every single bad thing that had happened and could possibly happen. Once that happened he could process better what Aisling was saying to him and doing with him. With every gulp he was able to follow Aisling's rhythm better until he was mirroring her near perfectly. Aisling kept going for a couple of rounds longer and Shane followed along just because he was afraid of what would happen once he stopped.

'Is he okay?' a woman's voice behind Aisling asked. 'I think it's fine now. We just need some space.' Aisling said to the woman behind her. She looked to Shane for confirmation and Shane gave a careful nod. 'Are you sure, I can get some water?' the voice said. 'I think we just need him to get some fresh air.' Aisling said. She leaned close to Shane. 'let's go. I want to make sure you're okay.' Another voice from near the beer-pong table rung out. 'Look that dude is about to get it on!' It was a fratty drunk voice that called out. Shane started to look to the ground. He felt much calmer but this was making the discomfort within rise again. A hand reached for his and instinctively Shane pulled back. He looked up and saw that Aisling was still looking at him full of concern. 'hey.. It's just me. I won’t do anything, just follow me alright?' Aisling said. She slowly turned around and started making her way to the front door of the house. Shane followed. He wanted more than anything to get out of there. Aisling opened the front door and let Shane go out first. It had gone dark since the time he arrived at the party and there was a chilly wind that felt nice on his overheating body. He took a deep breath and let the fresh air fill his lungs. The loud bass still came through the door but the street was much quieter than the party. He started taking more breaths but tried to keep a slow rhythm. He was afraid of doing what he did before, even though he didn’t know what he did before.

'Starting to feel better now?' Aisling asked Shane. she had moved to stand across from him, looking him up and down. 'Yeah..' Shane said not knowing what else to say until he remembered what had just happened. 'Thanks.. for, you know, helping me out back there.'

'Hey, no problem. I'll help you out anytime. I hope you know that.' Shane was surprised. They hadn't seen each other in years, and the last time wasn't good, but now she was saying she would always help him out. something about Aisling made Shane feel on edge. 'Sure' Shane said. There was a short silence during which Aisling regarded Shane a bit longer. 'Just.. What happened to you? And I don’t just mean just now. I-' Aisling was looking at Shane again and he wanted to escape from her gaze. She was looking over his face as if the answers to all questions could be found there. 'You disappear right after prom and nobody hears from you for two years. Some of us were really worried and then- then I find you barely changed except that suddenly you've lost all of your spirit and you are having a panic attack. Did something happen Shane? I just- I just don't understand.'

'I wasn't having a panic attack.' Shane said defensively. He could feel anger come up. 'seriously Shane?' Aisling said exasperated. Shane looked at her and if nothing else he could see real concern mix with frustration. She wasn't trying to make fun of him then? 'oh.. that's what that feels like?' He looked at Aisling questioningly. She just gave him a slow and caring nod. 'ohh..' Shane let it sink in. he had never felt anything like it. It was strange to have been so at home at parties in the past and now all of it sent his nerves into high alert. 'Shane.. I just want to help. Can you..' Shane didn’t let Aisling finish. He had been getting more and more mad and he had reached his limit.

'If you just want to help why didn't you two years ago?!'

'what? What happened-'

'Oh you don't remember? I had the worst night of my life, and all you and everybody else did was laugh at me! And that wasn't enough so all of you had another good laugh in the chat the day after!' Shane was getting loud. He could see Aisling trying to quiet him down but he was beyond caring. 'Yeah right I was the one that disappeared. Like any of you ever tried to get into contact with me! And now you go pretending that you care when I'm panicking as if you weren't making fun of me just a few seconds earlier!' Shane was taking deep breaths. He had forgotten to breath in between his rant. His fury had taken over and all those cropped up feelings about his old friends came flying out. Meanwhile Aisling just looked stunned. There was a silence for a while, only the bristling of leaves interrupted it.

'You thought I was making fun of you?' Aisling asked, putting Shane on the back foot for a second. He didn’t know what he was expecting after shouting at someone like that. He guessed he thought this would be the end of the interaction and Aisling would exit his life again. 'I mean what else would you call it. 'sure you did'' Shane mimicked Aisling's words with extra emphasis. Even in his anger he did remember that Aisling always had a sarcastic way about her. But who cares, it was probably mean back then too.

'I was just teasing, you know me- no wait.' Aisling started again. 'I'm sorry for hurting you back there. I know that I can hurt people sometimes when I get to much. I just- I just turned into who I was in high school a little too much when I saw you. I got excited, I'm sorry. But you have to understand…' there was another moment were Aisling gathered her thoughts. 'All I knew you from, was from back then. I always treated you like that. I didn't realise you aren't the same anymore… and that's what this is really about isn't it?'

That prickle was back in Shane's eyes. He was crying a lot more recently, especially for him, he hadn’t cried in years. 'All of you just laughed!' He tried to shout but was losing control of his voice. 'I was so sick, I couldn't walk and I felt like I was dying and all of you just laughed. And then- and then-' Shane was hiccuping. Aisling just waited for him to continue. He tried to take a deep breath and continued. 'I wake up and all I see is everybody memeïng my worst night. I was so drunk! I woke up with puke still on my t-shirt because I couldn't clean myself when I came home, but all my friends just think I'm some kind of clown! You called me disgusting!' He finally let it out. Not just the stuff about his old friends. But Aisling specifically. He had heard her that night, and all the girls joined in. Her just approaching him as if nothing had happened, how could she?

'Shane, I don't know what to say I-'

'I'm sorry Shane. I knew we were idiot kids but I didn't know that night made you feel that bad. I'm sorry.' Shane saw Aisling was getting emotional as well. 'I- I- I always liked you Shane. I really didn't want to make you feel like a joke or like you weren't welcome anymore. Just now, I got excited because I thought I was going to catch up with a friend again.' She gave a shy smile. 'I know I can't take anything back but.. There is a park close by, shall we sit down there and talk about it, please?'

Shane looked at Aisling, trying to spot any signs that he was being taken for a fool again. All he could see was someone desperately trying to connect. He guessed that he could risk it. The other alternative was to leave, upset and alone. He nodded and followed Aisling to the park. The walk was quiet and Shane could see that Aisling was wrapped up in her own thoughts. It wasn't a long walk or a big park for that matter. It was about the size of a football pitch but with much less space to walk. One half was covered by flowerbeds and the other had big trees and bushes spaced throughout. Along the path running through the centre was a small pond with a couple of benches. They sat down there.

'Shane I just want you to know that. We didn’t- I didn't know you were taking that night so badly. We were shitheads, sure. I'm sure of that but that night we were all drunk.' Aisling started. Shane was still feeling defensive and hurt. 'What? Are you saying that's you're excuse? That's a pretty lousy one-' Aisling interrupted Shane. 'It's not an excuse Shane. I said sorry and I meant it. I am sorry…. But I just want to say that.. that we really didn't know what was going on with you after prom. For me, you really disappeared. I wasn't as close to you to just start chatting with you privately. Some were saying you didn't care about us anymore now that you would be going to do 'bigger things', and some, people I don't talk to anymore just to be clear, some said you were a loser anyways and we should be happy you were gone. Some of that group I now realise were really bad friends. We didn't all stay friends. I thought you were one of the nice ones though. It was sad when you left and I just believed the people I trusted saying you were doing your own thing now.' Aisling was looking for eye contact.

'Okay let’s say I believe you. How can you- how can anyone think that someone puking- Someone who had the night I had could ever be okay?' Shane was still angry. It just didn’t make sense to him that all of them just thought he would be fine. 'Because.. It was kind of normal..' Aisling said carefully. 'At those parties someone always threw up or made an ass of themselves. You always drank a lot. Honestly it was bound to happen to you eventually.' That make Shane pause a little. Aisling was right. Most of the time he was just as bad as the worst of them. He sheepishly looked down as Aisling continued. 'Look Shane. You were cool and I liked you but at those parties you could be a dick sometimes and you definitely drank too much. Fair enough, I was a bitch that drank too much. We were teenagers. Point is that it wasn't that strange, what happened to you. We made fun of people having nights like yours plenty of times. I didn't think you would take it that hard, we thought you enjoyed parties like that.'

Shane's anger turned into a bit of guilt. He really had disappeared after prom hadn't he? People like Aisling didn't know any better. It did make a surprising amount of sense to him now. Some 'friends' form back then could still go to hell for all Shane cared. All those who tried to make 'Pukey' a thing. But some had been nicer like Aisling, and they had never known how much that night screwed up Shane's self-image. How could they know? Why would they be concerned? 'Yeah… That makes sense' Shane admitted out loud to Aisling. 'I guess you didn't know I really didn't like it.' He gave a small smile to Aisling who returned it. 'No we didn't. I thought you would be back and partying the next weekend' She said with a chuckle. Shane considered telling her more. He guessed that she had just helped him out at the party and what she was saying made a lot of sense.

'It wasn't the partying. It was more me.' Shane said quietly. Aisling sat closer, listening actively. 'It was me… that I didn’t like. Not the partying. The partying didn’t feel good. But that was because of me.'

'You didn’t like yourself? Why? You were popular and funny and were- are good looking' Aisling started to list all the things good about Shane and he couldn't stand to hear it. 'And all of it was fake! I was such a fucking fake ass. Especially the drinking. I fucking hated it but everybody thought I was so cool and funny and craaazzyy.' Shane took a deep breath to calm himself. All this talking of his past self, it made his insides boil. 'But I never told you that did I?' he carefully looked at Aisling.

'Maybe one night we were both black-out drunk.' Both of them could chuckle a little at that. After a bit of silence Aisling continued. 'No you never did. Did you tell anybody else?' Shane shook his head to say no. 'that sucks..... I'm sorry you had to deal with that alone.' And Shane knew Aisling was being sincere. 'What about now?' she asked. Shane took a deep breath. 'I'm working on it.'

'Yeah? What have you been up to the last few years then?' Aisling asked. She looked excitedly at Shane, he didn’t know why. 'nothing' Shane gave a short answer. 'Why?' Aisling's expression turned a little sour again. 'Oh, when you said you were working on it I thought- Maybe it's better to ask. What did you mean by that?' she asked with a smile.

'I mean I have started uni.. I am trying to do stuff again. I am doing a literature degree, and one of the professors is pretty helpful.' A strange expression appeared on Aisling's face. Shane couldn't place it. 'I feel like I am actually doing stuff that feels more me. I even went to this party to make friends… Look were that got me'

'Hey! The night is still young, and I liked you better sober anyways' Aisling said to Shane, bumping her shoulders into his. The contact made Shane feel awkward again and he retreated into himself. Aisling was observing him closely. 'I won’t force you to do anything, but if you want, I know some nice people I think you would enjoy meeting. We could go back to the party and go talk to them?' Shane considered his options. It really wasn't that late yet and he was feeling a lot better. Maybe if he stuck with Aisling he could actually have some fun. 'Alright… you'll be there to help right? If I..' Shane let the words hang. He could see Aisling nodding already. 'Of course. I won’t let anything happen to you.'

Both of them stood up and made their way back to the party. Before they arrived Aisling stopped walking for a second. Shane stopped too and looked over to see Aisling in deep thought. When she looked up Shane could see that searching expression in her eyes again. 'You really didn’t do anything in the last two years?' Shane shrugged. 'not really. I worked retail and read books.' Shane didn't know why Aisling was so curious about this part of his life. It was the least special thing that ever happened to him. 'Oh…' Aisling still had that same searching expression. Clearly Shane's answer hadn’t satisfied her. She shook her head and next thing Shane saw was a mischievous look. 'And you're sure you don’t want to drink anything. Drunk Shane was a dick but tipsy Shane was a comic.' Shane just shyly shook his head. 'I didn’t even enjoy the taste of beer anyways.' He said. Aisling just nodded and started to walk again, only to stop a few paces later. 'You know.. I won’t force anything on you but there are other drinks than beer, you realise that right?' She was still looking like she was in the mood for trouble. 'I… I know.. maybe another time.' Shane had actually never considered drinking anything else. How would wine taste he suddenly wondered. It didn’t matter for now. After what had happened he was not going to drink alcohol tonight. Aisling knocked on the door and they made their way back inside.

'you won’t believe what this guy did next.'

'Oh c'mon you don't have to go into th-'

'This guy grabs a rope. Goes into a full on sprint and tries to jump over the ravine in full plate armour. HE- HE- he failed his check so bad that his character stumbled over a dead orc way before the jump and he rolled over the edge!! We had to spend a whole turn trying to get him back up while we were under archer fire!'

'I'm proficient in athletics. If I just got anything above a five on the dice.'

'C'mon man with your hobbit character's movement speed you would need to have rolled amazingly. You would have had a better chance if Christie threw you, or you could have just waited for one of us to cast jump.'

'where's the fun in that?'

'Hey I'm not complaining. It just that-'

Erin was listening to Liam and Brian telling the story of another one of their Hijinks. As usual it had started to look more and more like a rehearsed comedy routine. Liam took the lead in talking and would get incredibly animated the further he got into the story. Brian usually stood stoically next to Liam until a small smile appeared. That's when Brian would fill in his perspective which never helped him much. It just made his taciturn façade crumble faster as he would get into playful arguments with Liam over the accurate telling of the story. It was something Erin was used to and always looked forward to. She just didn't realise she could enjoy these stories just as much when they were fully make-belief. She had heard them mention D&D before but never heard them go into this much detail of one of their sessions. Erin couldn't believe that these two got so passionate about it. They were nerds, but more the studious kind of nerds. Liam and Brian had never showed much interests in games or fantasy, or fantasy games. Erin wasn't going to lie to herself to keep up her own 'athletic girl' façade though, it sounded incredibly fun. She was entertained just listening to Liam and Brian. But even more entertaining was seeing Anne absolutely transfixed by Liam and Brian. Erin occasionally looked to her left to see the sparkle in Anne's big eyes. She looked like she was back in her childhood listening to her parents read her a bedtime story. Apparently Anne was a bit of a Fantasy geek. The moment Liam and Brian started talking about D&D nothing existed around Anne but their words. It was cute thought Erin, but almost unfortunate. She was enjoying her time with Anne. Before Liam and Brian found her on the balcony she and Anne were close to finishing the second bottle of wine and Erin didn't care to engage with anybody else at the party. Back on the balcony their shoulders had started touching each other and the warmth entering Erin's body had felt so comfortable that she was still absentmindedly rubbing that spot.

Erin was reluctantly happy to admit that it was probably better to have been interrupted. She was getting as much enjoyment out of seeing this interaction as she had from her conversations with Anne. She liked her friends mingling and it was getting pretty cold outside. Something in her wanted to keep Anne to herself though. She couldn't quite explain why. She had loads of friends before but never had she wanted to be so close to someone she only just met.

'Heey Liam!' all of them turned around to see a tall blond woman approached them. Erin took a moment to recognise her. She had seen her talking to Shane earlier. Now that she approached there was something else that looked familiar about her. 'Heeey, Aisling we thought you weren't going to show up anymore!' Liam said. Aisling gave Liam and Brian a hug. 'I was here, just had some catching up to do with my old friend Sha-' Aisling cut of when she realised no one was beside her. She turned around, Erin looked with her, She figured out who Aisling was and knew who she was looking for as well. 'Shane what are you standing around for? C'mon I want to introduce you!' Shane was standing around looking sheepishly at the floor. Erin guessed that he must have felt she didn't want to see him anymore. He would be right. Yet, forced into this situation by Aisling he carefully approached.

'This is Shane! we haven't spoken since high school can you believe that?!' Aisling announced to the group and motioned Shane to make his introductions to Liam and Brian. 'Oh, sorry I don't think we've met.' Aisling turned to Anna and Erin. Anna excitedly introduced herself, she was slurring her words ever so slightly by now. When Aisling turned to Erin something in her eyes lit up. Erin didn’t feel like putting up a façade. 'We actually do know each other. Erin, remember. I hung out with Shane a lot before you.' The words came out colder than Erin had meant. It didn't seem to deter Aisling. 'Wow! Erin you really changed. In a good way, mind you. But last time I saw you, you didn't look this fit!' Erin noticed that Anna looked her up and down. 'she wasn’t?' Anna Asked.

'No way. From what I remember she was always a bookish girl in the back of class, hidden behind her backpack.' Erin felt a slight embarrassment creeping up on her. 'I was just using my backpack to hide what I was reading.' She said mostly looking at Anne. For her part Anne just looked very amused at Aisling and Erin. 'Really? I would like to hear more about Erin back then.' Aisling just shrugged. 'I can’t tell you much more. We had different groups we hung out in… actually weren't you super close with Sh-' In her mind Erin was trying to come up with a deflection, an insult, something to divert this conversation from the place it was going. Bad enough that plan A of avoiding Shane like the plague wasn't working. Now she had to actually reminisce. She couldn't just get angry even if she wanted to. Nobody here knew what happened between her and Shane and as much as she hated what he did to her, he didn't deserve to be shouted at.

'Yeah we used to, but we haven’t for a long time now.' Shane's soft voice said. He was looking at Erin whilst he said it. Unbeknownst to Erin Shane had apparently been paying attention to their talk, while he was talking to Liam and Brian. 'it's a long story, not very interesting.' He said, cutting off any further inquiry from Aisling. To Erin Shane looked scarred but there was something of trepidation about him as well. As if he knew he was intruding and wanted to make it as good as it could be for Erin. As much as Erin wanted to be mad it seemed like Shane was actually trying to help her out.

'Wait I'm confused. Who is meeting who now?' Brian Said. Him and Liam were looking back and forth between the girls. 'I think I'm the only one who doesn't know any of you.' Anne started. 'But I think these three know each other from high school and lost touch-' During Anne's explanation Erin saw Aisling lean over to Shane and whisper 'Are you okay?' in his ear. Shane gave a small nod. Strange, Erin thought. She didn’t know Aisling felt so protective over Shane. Maybe there was more going on tonight. 'And then Aisling and Erin both know you two but didn't know that about the other… right?'  Anne looked around the group for confirmation. Erin just shrugged, she had zoned out for a few seconds. 'I think that's right. I didn’t even recognise her.' Aisling gave Anne the agreement she was looking for. The conversation continued with some extra introduction and small talk. Erin noticed that Shane stuck to short and quiet sentences whenever someone asked him anything. He was much more shy than ever before. Even when he and Erin first became friends. Erin had assumed it was just him making himself small for Erin as to not intrude. Now she started wondering if Shane had really changed since graduating. Erin also noticed that Aisling was almost hovering over Shane. She was standing very close and held a protective posture. Erin suspicions that there was something between the two was growing. On the other hand she realised that her and Anne had been standing close a lot too and were gravitating towards each other again. So maybe she was overreacting Erin thought. Erin and Aisling actually found a pretty nice conversation about sports. Both of them had discovered how great it made them feel, and that their own physiques fit their own self-image much better now that they had some nice lean muscle. Aisling also knew a surprising amount about football even though she had stopped playing a year ago. Apparently Aisling was a bit of an explorer when it came to sports. She had tried everything from rugby to badminton and was now sinking her teeth into Basketball. Aisling was fascinated. She would like to try some new sports as well. although she really did love football. Eventually the conversations started drifting and everybody ended up listening to Liam and Brian's D&D adventures again.

'So then this guy had to pretend to be my character's lover and he decides the best way is to just go in for a full on kiss, to prove to the guard that he is for real, and rolls a 20!' Liam is exclaiming, everybody is listening and giggling along.

'And when the DM asks for a description-'

'You really don't have to go into-'

'He just grabs my shirt, leans in and just goes for it!' Erin is laughing along with the rest of them, but then she wonders does this mean that they are?

'Wait so you two are-' she begins to ask.

'You didn't know?' Aisling asks Erin, looking at her confused. Erin starts to feel embarrassment creep up. She didn't even know two of her closer friends are into each other. Luckily her entire interaction with Aisling was missed by Liam and Brian who had just continued their own comedy.

'I'm just saying what is a better description than one with a visual aid?' Brian said looking at Liam with a calm intensity and a small smile.

'well you could have been a bit more tactful about it. I nearly fell of my chair.'

'Well I just think-'

'hey, I'm not complaining it’s just that-'

'Talk about some bonus action' Shane's soft voice suddenly cut of Liam and Brian's stand-up. There was a beat of silence before everybody burst into laughter. First Liam and Brian, closely followed by Aisling and Anne, before eventually Shane himself started to laugh. Only Erin stayed silent. It was actually a good joke, she thought. Not a mean one. Not one to bully or denigrate someone else. It was like she saw the Shane she had become friends with again. It was a strange feeling. Joy and relief marinated in years of hurt. Erin just stayed silent and looked at Shane. Erin was trying to search for something in Shane. Something that could prove to her that maybe the boy she'd lost was still there. Shane saw her and started to look at his shoes. Aisling started to get the conversation going again and leaned over to stand close to Shane again. She must have noticed Erin staring.

Eventually the evening started turning into night and more and more people left. Erin noticed that Anne was wobbling on her legs and felt herself growing more tired as well. Shane had already left and Aisling had moved on to socialise with some other people. Erin decided she should probably make sure Anne got home safely and then go home herself.

It was a short walk to Anne's place. The night had turned chilly and quiet. Most people and animals were asleep except for a lone cat every once in a while. the wind was creeping through Erin's thin layers. She was still dressed for summer. She heard Anne shiver next to her 'I really liked you coming along with me tonight.' Anne said.

'Yeah me too…' Erin was tired. She couldn’t think of anything else to say. It had been great. Most of it at least. They made their way into Anne's street before Anne said something again.

'Hey.. You don't have to talk about it but.. That Shane boy, he doesn't seem bad..'

'it's a long story.. I'd rather not get into it now..'

'alright well… Just don’t be angry forever. People can change you know.' Erin was quiet. She understood Anne. Erin had changed herself.. But Shane… Shane was like a blister that didn’t heal right. The pain was one thing but to just remind Erin of it without ever showing regret... This party was the first time that Erin had actually seen something positive from Shane in years. Some kind of indication that he actually did care. But Erin was stuck on the fact that it had come so late. Maybe it was too late.

'If nothing else this Shane stuff makes you shut down. I like it better when you are here with me.' There was a soft feeling on Erin's cheek. Soft and warm. It lingered for a second then left it's heat behind. Erin's eyes opened wide. Anne was smiling. 'Tonight was great. See you around.' With a mischievous wiggle of her eyebrow Anne turned around and walked inside. Erin felt an eternity pass. All thoughts raced through her mind. The only thing that reminded Erin of her body was the heat on her cheek. When she turned and made her way home the only thought repeating in her head was what just happened?