Chapter 9 

Erin learned a lot about herself last night. She liked her own name, she learned. She likes her own name most when Anne moans it. Erin made her say it over and over again, just for the satisfaction. Erin learned she likes women. No reason to deny it any longer, although she still felt the urge to. It was so easy to repeat the lines of the script she has been saying to herself for so long. It made her feel in control, and she liked to be in control. Control was good. She couldn't be hurt if she had it, couldn't be blindsided or surprized. Betrayed. But she could still be in control even when she accepted this new side of herself. Like making Anne lick her on command, that was a nice way to have control, she learned. 

Her night with Anne had started as gentle exploration. Slowly kissing and touching each other more, as Erin came to accept the fact she had been wanting this for a long time. As the acceptance set in, Erin started wanting more. It almost seemed to overwhelm Anne, who at some point pushed her back to check if she wasn't moving too fast. Erin responded by telling her to shut up and kiss her. From there Erin grew more confident in demanding more of Anne, and Anne seemed delighted to give her everything she asked for.  

Erin was staring at Anne's exposed shoulder and collarbone. She slept adorably, lying on her back with her arms above her bed. The blanket only just covering her breasts. Erin started tracing Anne's collarbone. Then up her neck and on to her jawline. Then her lips then past her brows and down her nose back to her collarbone again, slowly moving further down to the soft skin just beneath the blankets.  Anne started to stir. The first sound that came from her lips was a slow groan. Erin's belly started to warm. Anne's eyes fluttered open and she searched for Erin's. Erin's hand stilled, a moment of doubt came over her. Anne lifted her chest encouraging Erin to keep going. ‘What is it?’ 

‘Was it too much... Was I asking too much...’ Erin searched Anne's eyes. Anne stretched as if nothing was wrong, the blanket fell further down. ‘I told you, you are exactly as I expected you to be.’ Anne said as if that was enough to settle the matter.  Erin waited. ‘.... That includes what happened last night.’ 

‘How?... I surprised myself.’ Erin stopped touching Anne and wrapped her arms around herself. Anne sat up and stretched again. Lethargically. As if nothing in the world could bother her. ‘Trust me, I'm a good judge of character.’  A moment passed. Anne casually wrapped herself around Erin. Erin sunk into her shoulder and let go a deep sigh of relief.  

‘So you don't mind... Me using you like that?’ 

‘I like being used.’ 

At that moment Anne's phone rang, Anne lazily reached for it and answered sleepily. Her expression turned from relaxed to increasingly serious as the voice on the other end of the phone kept talking. Anne didn't even get in a single word before the person at the other end of the line hung up again. Anne sighed and looked apologetically at Erin. 

'I'm sorry, I can't stick around. That was my supervisor I forgot we had a meeting in person. She is furious with me.... This isn't the first time i forgot.' 

'Ohh...' Erin said, dejected.  

'Yeah... I was looking forward to lazing about with you. I promise I will make it up to you though. Text me when you're free, I am going to think of something special.' Anne was already dressing herself. Erin saw her deliciously round ass disappear into a shapely pair of jeans. Anne ran into the bathroom and came out brushing her teeth whilst clumsily brushing her hair. Erin didn't know what to do. Should she leave with Anne? It was her place after all. She started to get out from under the covers slowly and started looking for her underwear. Anne grunted with her mouth full of toothpaste and waved Erin back into bed. She disappeared and Erin heard a spitting sound and the faucet running for a few seconds. 

'You don't have to leave, and please just borrow some of my panties. I think I left yours in quite the state yesterday' Anne winked as she returned into the room. 

'Oh... Okay... I just make myself at home?' Erin asked. 

'Please do! I hope you realise we are beyond the point of regular acquaintances now. I'm happy to have you anytime.' Another teasing smirk. Erin couldn't think of any quippy response, she was being affected way too much. It would be easy to tear open the flowery blouse Anne just put on and continue where the left of. Except that Anne was rushing to leave so fast she already had a jacket over it now. 

'I was thinking this is a bit more than friends after last night.' Erin said and her heart started pounding as soon as she voiced her feeling. Somewhere inside Erin knew this already but as soon as she spoke the words it hit her that Anne wasn't just anyone to her, Erin really liked Anne. She gave Anne a cheeky smile but one she hoped conveyed a bit of extra meaning. Anne didn't respond and returned a cheeky smile of her own. That wasn't enough for Erin at that moment. She dropped the act. 'right?'  

'I didn't really expect you to still have doubts about this but of course sexy!' Anne, ready to leave, walked back to bed and leaned forward for a long deep kiss. It didn't last anywhere near as long for Erin's liking. 'Although I'm not really into the whole exclusive thing. But let's talk about that later, okay?' 

'Okay' 

'Also stay as long as you want but don't expect me back soon. I have a lot of appointments after this stupid supervisor meeting.' 

Erin followed Anne as she turned around, walked out and closed the door with one last wink. Erin spent most of the morning lying in bed and thinking about last night. It was almost the beginning of the afternoon before Erin got out and showered. Her belly started to growl, and she looked around the apartment for some food. When she couldn't find anything that was satisfactory, she decided to just get dressed and find a nice café. 

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Waking up in the middle of an identity crisis is always strange. That is the assumption anyways, this was the first time it was happening to Shane. Here's hoping it's the last time, Shane thought. When he was still drifting in his dreams, he was in a wonderful place where everything fit. He felt whole and everybody was treating him right. That is all he really remembers of the dreams now, after waking and staring at the ceiling for a while. His consciousness slowly creeped into the dreams and started to question it. The more he questioned the dreams the less he remembered of them, however he did start to remember last night, and his consciousness decided that would be the focus of scrutiny now. 

He remembered the conversation he had with Aisling right before she had this great idea to put him in drag. The conversation about him putting himself out there more, to find his style and place in the world. In a very abstract way he could see how being comfortable with a drag alter ego could help him get comfortable within himself outside of drag. If he figured out the extreme of his expression in this hyperreal place, he could find something more modest that still made him comfortable. But was Buttercup anything like his drag alter ego? Buttercup looked... incredible. To realise that was him was its own can of worms he was not going to open right now. But drag isn't just incredible right? For all the shaving and the make-up and the fashion, in the end when buttercup looked in the mirror she looked like a hot woman on an exciting date, or a night out with the girls. It was, in a way, ordinary. Not a way any woman looks daily, but a way most women would like to look occasionally. Much more importantly to Shane's pre-caffeine identity crisis, Buttercup had tits! Small tits sure, but still tits. Buttercup was still Shane, right? And not literally another being, right? So how did she have tits? Shane felt his own chest and the soft flesh was still there. How? In fact, how was he so much shorter than he used to be. No need to deny it any longer. He vividly remembered the moment of looking in the mirror with Aisling standing behind Buttercup. She was taller, by quite a few centimetres. Shane was sure that hadn't been the case before. 

How could he have been so blind to all these changes going on? Just because a strong, dominant woman was taking him by the hand and seducing him into trying some really exciting stuff? Was Shane that easy to sway? Maybe he was, since thinking back on it made his whole body tingle in a way he wasn't used too. Everything up to Aisling taking Buttercup to bed had been some of the most heart racing stuff in his life. Shane felt his pulse race in the middle of his ponderous crisis, it didn't matter if he felt conflicted about it. Being taken and thrown onto bed had been a rush as well. Kissing, touching, rubbing, right up until the moment a screaming pain in Buttercup's chest made her say the words 'red' and Aisling had instantly backed off. An instant later Buttercup was the little spoon, and she felt safer than she could ever remember as they drifted off to sleep together.  

The whole recounting of the night inside his own head left Shane grasping at several different questions with no chance of catching and answering even one. The two most important ones 'why is my body changing?' And 'Why can't I figure out how I feel about that?' Would inevitably bump their way into Shane's thought process as soon as he almost answered a smaller one like 'how do I feel about Aisling?' 

Shane was nearly catatonic when Aisling woke up. She found him staring at the ceiling, moving his lips almost imperceptibly. 'Hey....' She said softly and gently stroked Shane's forehead. Shane slowly broke out of his stupor and focused his eyes on her. 'Hey...' He said. 

'Not a goodnight's sleep, I'm guessing?' Aisling sat up and looked for Shane's eyes with care. Shane first let the feeling of safety wash over him. He wasn't familiar with being intimate like this. 'I actually slept well, I think.' 

'But?' 

'.... When I started to think about last night... I don't know what is happening to me.' 

'You mean what we did? I think that's very simple, we explored you and your possibilities a little bit, and then we explored us a little bit more.' 

'A little bit?' Shane smirked. Even in this moment he found the understatement funny. 

'Maybe a little bit more than that' Aisling grinned. Shane held her gaze for a few beats and then looked back at the ceiling. 'Seriously Ais, I think my body is literally changing, isn't it?' He gave her a worried glance. She returned it with an expression that conveyed to him she noticed some changes as well. 'Isn't that supposed to be impossible?' 

'Not really.' 

'What!?' Shane shot up, the blanket falling of his body, revealing his breasts had grown a little bit bigger. As if his morning exploration hadn't already made that abundantly clear to him. The visual confirmation was a bit too much to handle right now though. 

'It's not really impossible, Shane.' Aisling stated as a matter of fact. 

'Could you please not make a joke out of this right now!' Shane squeaked. 

'I'm not! Hormone treatment for example. It would explain your changes. Lots of transwomen take hormones and experience the same changes you are right now.' 

'They do?' Shane asked with genuine curiosity before shaking his head and focusing on the real issue. 'But I'm not taking hormones!' 

'I'm just saying, your changes are pretty common for certain people.' 

'But I don't want to- I don't want to-' something in him wasn't letting him finish that sentence. He glanced at the mirror in his room that was a little bit fuller than it used to be. Shane directed his thoughts back to the argument he was having with Aisling. 'I'm shorter too. Hormones don't change that do they?' 

Aisling was silent for a moment, she looked to be pondering the question. 'I'm actually not sure if they could. Maybe some fae are involved.' It was that comment that made Shane boil over. 'If you are making a joke out of this you might as well leave.' He said coldly, turned his back to Aisling and pulled the blanket back over his body. Aisling remained silent behind him. Moments passed and Shane's thoughts started to drift again. His eyes drifted to the mirror. 

'I'm sorry Shane, I wasn't trying to make a joke out of it. I am also a bit out of my debt. I will give you some space to figure it out.' 

Shane felt the shift in the bed as Aisling got up to let herself out of Shane's room. He felt a pang of fear inside of him. Aisling's presence had been a source of exhilaration and comfort, he wasn't sure how he would handle his turmoil without her. He didn't call her back, however. He was genuinely a little angry, and also, maybe some alone time would be good as well. Aisling packed her things and opened Shane's door. 'Wait!' Aisling turned to look at Shane. 

'All the clothes and make-up... aren't you taking them back with you?' 

'Oh? Those?' Aisling looked at the pile of fabric, a tiny, sad smirk on her lips. 'I can pick them up later. Enjoy Shane, please text me if you need anything alright?' With that almost enigmatic statement she closed the door. 

Shane decided he didn't feel like pondering these questions from the bed, staring at the ceiling anymore. He would get up, get ready and ponder more actively at his new desk. Maybe later he could go out and ponder somewhere in the city. He walked up to the bathroom door, the mirror clung to it. Inside it was a sink with a smaller mirror. Anxiety and excitement ran through his body. He felt stuck for a second and felt ridiculous standing there indecisively. No matter what he would see himself again, the rational part inside him said. Why delay it any longer? What was he afraid of? Then another part told him he could control what he saw and when. He snuck into the bathroom without looking at himself in the full-length mirror. He turned on the light and saw his face. He almost didn't recognise himself. Buttercup was back for a second, especially with all the make-up from last night smeared over his face. couldn't Aisling have said something, Shane thought in frustration. He washed his face as well as he could and there in front of him was neither Shane nor Buttercup. Just a normal, pretty redhead with a face full of freckles. Shane's niece or some other relation. Chantal. Ughh. No, not Chantal, Shane didn't like that at all. He went back into his room thinking why he was even trying to come up with a name. On autopilot he walked to the pile Aisling left and started fishing out some clothes. Nothing special Shane thought, a nice long black skirt with a white floral pattern and a cute shirt and blouse combo. He glanced at the make-up. He wasn't really sure what to do with all the different tubes and sticks and powders, Aisling had done everything yesterday. What was he even doing dressing in women's clothing again?! The drag was over, he was Shane again! But, he reasoned with himself, these clothes did fit him better now than his old clothes did. Maybe he should wear them until he could figure out what was going on. He could go out, in these clothes and ponder his questions, find a solution and then this whole clothing situation would sort itself out. He held a stick of mascara in his hands and was applying it in the bathroom mirror. He at least knew how to use this. This and blush, he also put on some powdered blush. It wasn't hard to figure out where that had to go. Steeling himself for the rush and confusion he stepped in front of the full-length mirror. He felt both in equal manner. He made such a good woman! Why did he make such a good woman?! If he went out like this, he would need a different name. He would go to a café and think of one as well as think about all those other things he was so worried about back in bed.