“Come oooooon. There has to be something I can do for you.” It wasn’t the first time they’d had this conversation, but for once, Kassandra was determined to get her way. She wasn’t going to take no for an answer.
“For the last time, no! I don’t need anything from you. I can handle myself, and I’m not going to rely on you folks to just do everything for me.” April stamped her foot on the ground in frustration. “Just because you keep pestering me over and over about this, it’s not like my answer is suddenly going to change.”
Kassandra pouted. Well, she made a chittering sound from her mouth, which among the Uvel was a method of garnering sympathy. She had to hope that it would translate well enough. “But that’s not fair! You let the others do stuff for you all the time. I can help out too, you know.’
April rolled her eyes. “Oh please. Don’t tell me you consider them meddling with my daily life a ‘favour.’ And in that regard, you’re not better than any of them. Like I said, I can handle myself, and I don’t need my housemates butting in.”
“Oh yeah? Then how come you got Melonie to cast that spell that magically fixes your hair each morning?”
“That’s-” April blushed. “That’s different! Bedhead is annoying, and some mornings I don’t have time to properly get everything in order. It’s not that big a deal if I don’t want to comb it all the time.”
“And what about that extra parking space? You literally got Iris to create a tear in the universal fabric so that you can park closer to the university.”
“I shouldn’t have had to do that! They should have parking on campus for everyone!” Kassandra flinched. She knew April well enough to recognise when she was bursting into a rant about one of her peeves. “Like, what the fuck am I supposed to do? I’m already paying tuition out the ass, and it doesn’t even come with a parking spot? Are you kidding me? So no, I don’t mind getting a bonus spot that’s always available. It should’ve been there in the first place!” She rubbed the bridge of her nose, the emotional outburst slowing down. “Look, I get that you’re from this super advanced society. And you probably don’t have to worry about stuff like parking. You just use hyper-light transporters or whatever.”
Kassandra wiggled her hand. “Eh, we use the train most of the time.”
“Exactly, you- wait what?” April was caught completely off guard. “Like, an actual normal train? On tracks and everything?”
“I mean, pretty much. You could call it a bus as well. It’s a big transit vehicle that goes around in a cycle and people get off or on whenever they want. The technology is different of course, but how could you fundamentally improve on that?”
April furrowed her brow. “Can’t you just teleport whenever and wherever you want though?”
Every once in a while, Kassandra was reminded of just how primitive humans were. It was easy to forget that from their perspective, there was no rhyme or reason to how the Uvel technology worked. “That’s only for planetary teleportation. It only works within the same atmospheric system. And besides, what if somebody has a problem with their Mythaltoid gland? Teleportation could be dangerous for them, and we need to accommodate everyone. Public transit is still needed for anyone with disabilities.”
“...Your public transit goes between planets?” April shook her head. “Anyway, it doesn’t matter. The point is, no I’m not letting you do extra favours for me. And I can’t stay and argue any longer, because I need to get to class. So I can study simple human things. You know we haven’t had anyone get to mars yet.”
Kassandra tried to protest, but it was to no avail. She was stonewalled as April gathered her things and headed out the door, slamming it shut a little bit harder than was probably necessary. It really wasn’t fair. She was here as an exchange student, for part of her education, to try and get to know humans a bit better. April was directly related to her studies. And she wasn’t even allowed to help her, even though the other two housemates could.
It had certainly come as a surprise to Kassandra to learn about the pair of otherworldly beings living under the same roof. But to be honest, she wasn’t overly concerned with them. The Uvel had dealt with ultra powerful godlike creatures in the past, and there wasn’t anything in the universe that they considered a serious threat. Kassandra knew that humans were in a similar position with the animals on their own planet. But just like it wouldn’t make sense for a human to randomly use all their heaviest weapons on a bear, Kassandra had no interest in seriously fighting with her other housemates.
As she was lamenting her misfortune, one of the housemates in question happened to pop in on Kassandra. “Oof. Having a rough time, huh?” Melonie waltzed into the room, carrying a half eaten slice of cake on a plate with her. “April can be stubborn, that’s for sure.”
“Ugh, tell me about it.” If nothing else, Kassandra was glad she had someone to commiserate with. She could relate to the trickster goddess in the sense that they both thought humans were fun to watch, but could be frustrating to deal with. “I still can’t believe you got lucky enough to convince April to help you.”
There was a slight giggle from Melonie, muffled by her stuffed mouth. “Oh, honey. You think I actually played that fairly?” Kassandra looked at her with rapt attention as Melonie finished off her mouthful. “Why do you think our dear housemate was so rushed each morning in the first place? It took about a week of slipping into her dreams every night, giving her steamy experiences that she wouldn’t want to wake up from. The kind that leave you eager to rub one out when you start the morning.” She shrugged her shoulders, a mischievous smile on her face. “And afterwards if she happened to want me to fix her hair to save on time, who am I to complain?”
Kassandra was silent, taking in this new information. “You did all that just so you could magically enchant her hair to get rid of bedhead?”
“Well I was hoping she’d ask for a handjob each morning, but this is good enough.”
Even so, Kassandra was having a hard time believing what her housemate was telling her. “So let me get this straight. In order to get what you wanted, you manipulated April and went out of your way to make her life more difficult so that she’d end up counting on you for help?”
Melonie shrugged. “Pretty much.”
“That’s absolutely brilliant. I can’t believe I never thought of it. And from what I understand about human culture, they communicate all the time by manipulating others into doing what they want, so it still counts as part of my studies!”
“If you say so. Want me to help you set something up?”
The eagerness in Kassandra’s eyes was more than enough for an answer.
“Okay, so let’s go over the plan one more time.”
Melonie rolled her eyes. “Kassandra, we’ve been sitting around for ages doing basically nothing. And it’s not like there’s much of a plan in the first place. Why would we suddenly need to go over it now?”
Kassandra felt a little bashful. “Well it’s just - fine! But don’t blame me if everything goes tits up.”
“Tits up is the way I like it,” Melonie said with a smirk. “But really, what could even go wrong? It’s not like this is a high risk gambit for either of us.”
She was right, as much as Kassandra hated to admit it. But there wasn’t time to argue further. April was pulling into the driveway, about to walk through the door. “Here she comes. Quick, go hide and wait for my signal.” Melonie wrapped her tails around herself and vanished into thin air. Well, Kassandra could still see her just fine thanks to her optic implant, but she would be invisible to the human eye. She was also hiding around the corner, likely for dramatic effect.
Kassandra was prepared for another standoffish and hostile encounter. However, when April saw her, she looked almost bashful. She made a beeline straight for the Uvel after closing the door. “Hey, Kass? Do you mind if we talk about something? It’s about this morning.”
Immediately, Kassandra internally cringed. “Yeah, right. Um, sorry if I was pushy or anything. I’ll drop it.” She didn’t mention that she was dropping it due to their scheme.
However, April’s response was hardly what she expected. “No, no that’s not it. I actually wanted to apologise, I was acting short tempered. I know you really just want to help.” She took a deep breath before continuing. “Also, I may have spoken too soon. I actually do have a favour to ask, something you can help me with. If you don’t mind, that is.”
Normally Kassandra would’ve been ecstatic. This was exactly what she wanted. This time, however, the only thing on her mind was Melonie in the corner waiting to spring her trap. “Er, that’s great! Of course I’m happy to help. What, um, what changed your mind.”
April let out a longing sigh. “So, there’s this girl in my class. She’s super smart, and talented, and funny, and has an ass that looks great no matter what she wears.” A soft smile was growing across April’s face. “Basically, she’s awesome in every way. And I really really really want to ask her out, but I don’t know how.”
Kassandra was mostly listening. The other half was keeping a close watch on Melonie, hoping she would understand from the context of the conversation that the plan should be aborted. “Okay, that’s great to hear! So there’s this girl you like, and you don’t want anything bad to happen to her. What can I help you with? Finding a nice gift or something?”
If she had noticed anything strange, April wasn’t letting on. “Well, no. Not for now at least. But I want to ask her out, and I feel like you’re the best person to ask. Since you’re… the equivalent of a university student, right?”
“Yeah, pretty much. Plus there’s the fact that I actually have a girlfriend.” She noticed April’s eyebrows raise in surprise. “Don’t worry, she’s ace. At least I think that’s what you call it in your language. But she loves hearing about me having sex, so it’s all good.” April was still stunned into silence. “Did I never tell you about her?”
“Maybe? I don’t know, maybe I just assumed you were joking or that you were talking about a hookup. I didn’t realise that you were in a proper relationship.” She shook her head. “Anyway, you can tell me about her later. Do you have any advice for asking someone out? Like, starting a perfectly normal and non bizarre relationship?”
Kassandra tapped her chin. “Probably. What kinda stuff do you talk about? You can use that as a way to ask her something more personal.” April didn’t respond. Instead she just slowly blinked with a neutral expression. “You know, whenever you talk to her.”
“Talk to her.” April slowly repeated the words. “I don’t follow. That’s why I’m asking for help, you know? If I’m sitting next to her in class, I get all nervous and I can’t think straight, in a number of ways. Whenever she comes into the coffee shop I have to ask someone else to cover me because I can’t deal with it.”
“You mean she- Ugh!” Humans were so frustrating to deal with. April had so much in common with her crush it was almost too easy. “I’m assuming she’s in the astrophysics program with you? Here’s what’s going to happen.” Kassandra put her three-digit hand on April’s shoulder, looking her dead in the eye. “Next time she comes into the coffee shop, you’re going to pay attention to what she orders. Then, before class, you buy that drink and offer it to her as a gift and ask what her favourite space phenomena is. If she asks why, you tell her that she sounded like a person worth getting to know. Easy enough?”
April blinked in surprise. “Wait, that’s actually smooth as hell. Since when were you good at romance?” She shook her head back and forth. “Anyway, thanks for the help. I’ll have to try just that. It’s nice knowing that I can at least count on you for stuff that really matters.”
“Uh huh.” Kassandra nodded, but her gaze was elsewhere. Melonie was starting to move from her hiding spot. “Yeah just.. hey, is something at the door?”
April turned around, and as she did, Kassandra frantically made a gesture of moving her hand back and forth across her throat. She knew that on earth, this was a sign to abort, to cancel whatever plan was in motion. Surely Melonie would understand that.
Melonie responded with a massive grin and a thumbs up.
A pink cloud of dust exploded all around them. It began to coalesce around April, covering her from head to toe. The dust began to harden all around her, solidifying into longer strips. After a brief moment April was no longer visible. Instead, her body was wrapped up in a seemingly unending series of bright pink ribbons, keeping her arms and legs pinned together. She was thoroughly mummified.
“Oh, wow, what just happened?” Now that their plan was in motion, Kassandra figured her best plan was to just roll with it. “I hope nobody accidentally messed with my stuff. I keep a lot of dangerous and strange chemicals in my room.”
Melonie let out a gasp of feigned shock. “Oh no! I’m sorry, I just saw this random… box in your room, and I wanted to carry it around. Then I tripped and spilled it all over April. How was I supposed to know what would happen?”
“MMMMMNNNNFF!” Kassandra assumed that April’s muffled screams were her politely asking for help.
She shook her head. “Sorry, those are some really advanced nanomachines. It’s a type of pollen from an alien flower, and now that you’ve been covered, this is going to keep happening.” The curves on April’s body were still prominent, and Kassandra knew that under the ribbons she was completely nude. The powder had completely melted her clothes, and although it wasn’t harmful to the skin, it did give her a rather erotic look. “It’ll wear off in about an hour, but now that it’s bonded to you, it’ll return every day at this time. Probably for a week at least.”
“Don’t worry, you look super juicy like that! We can have so much fun together, right?” Melonie had no qualms about taking advantage of the situation. She had already moved in close, groping April’s tits from behind while planting big sloppy kisses over where her face was covered. “After all, it’s not like you can do anything by yourself like this.”
That was Kassandra’s cue. “Oh, here’s an idea! Since I’m so kind and generous, how about I help you each day while you’re trapped like this? I may not be able to get you out of there or stop it from happening, but I can do other stuff for you.” That part wasn’t strictly true. Kassandra was pretty sure she could whip up a chemical solvent to spray away the chemicals, but that would take at least twenty minutes to make, and that was just too much work. “What do you say? I’ll protect you from Melonie, help get you to bed, talk with you about your girl problems, and you can thank me when you’re free. Sound good?”
“Great! I knew you’d come around.” Kassandra sat down in a chair, pulling April down onto her lap. “First of all, I want you to think about this girl that you like. Think of all the stuff you want to do with her. Really visualise it. That’ll help you gain the confidence you need to talk to her, right?”
April’s only response was a slow and lewd groan. Kassandra beamed as she cradled her housemate. It was great that she was finally able to be so nice and generous, and it was even better that she’d be able to do this for the rest of the week. Hell, maybe when she was done April would want to keep going anyway.
Which Kassandra would happily oblige, since she was such a good friend.