“Why do you continue to watch me? Why do you appear anywhere I am like some sort of insect, watching in the wings yet refusing to approach? You have rejected my advances, stymied my every attempt to take you, yet you keep acting as though you’re interested. Why?”

“You scare me and attract me. There is nothing more complicated to it than that.”

“No, it is more complicated than that. You leave me in a state of miserable limbo, knowing that you’re attracted and yearning for what I will give you but refusing to give in. There is no half measure you can take here, you will either give yourself to me or you will cut me off clean and leave. You cannot exist in this half-and-half state you are trying to pull forever. There are two options before you, you will either pick one by choice or one will be foisted upon you.”

“Why though? Why do you insist that there are only two choices? I understand that you have changed since you used to dominate me a couple of years ago, but your desires are not as totalizing as you claim. Even while you pretend you will only dominate someone who will give in completely in the way you desire, I have seen you doing otherwise. I have seen you having short, lighter sessions with people who have not sacrificed their soul to you. Why could we not do that?”

A moment’s hesitation.

“Because I want you too deeply. A mere ‘kink session’ with you would only hurt me. I would take no pleasure in pretending to own a thing I actually covet.”

“Can’t you at least understand why I can’t give you what you really want? I have a life, I have dreams, I have friends and a partner, I have beliefs I hold dear, I have so many things that span beyond you that I cannot give up. No matter how attractive I might find it in theory, I am able to maintain a line between kink and reality that you have never been able to hold.”

“I’m not an idiot, I know that. I just disagree that devoting yourself to those things would be more valuable than devoting yourself to me.”

“You’re such a narcissist.”

“Yes. That’s a major reason why you’re attracted to me to begin with. The only reason you bothered to say that was because you know I like hearing it.”

“I never should have let you into my head, you know me too well. Let me hear your argument though, why am I wrong to place all those things in priority over you?”

“They simply wouldn’t make you happy. Even if you succeed at them, which if we’re honest looks unlikely, you won’t really enjoy it. Like you said, I’ve gotten into your head, I have a good idea of how you think and respond to different situations. If you got what you’re aiming at, you’d have a comfortable life. You’d be surrounded by people who love you, working to better the world or at least do your part in it. On some superficial level, you’d be fulfilled. But you would not be happy.

“You might feel like you are, I’ll grant you that, but it would simply be a simulacrum of happiness. You’d be going through the motions, putting on a smile because you felt like you had to, just like every goal that you’ve ever set for yourself has been because you’ve felt like you had to. Pressured by your parents and friends and society to go to university, to get a steady job you didn’t think was evil, to spend time with friends, to have a spiritual outlet, to keep up with the newest art. You wouldn’t hate it. But you’d be bored. You’d be content, but not happy. You’d be satisfied, but not fulfilled. You would be like an automaton able to go through the motions, but without a spark of life.”

“And with you I would have that spark?”

“Of course. There is nothing that truly gives someone a spark of life like devotion to a cause. It’s a hard idea for most people in the modern world to really understand, but there is a thrill to feeling like you’re a part of something bigger than yourself. You can find plenty of protestors who will describe that feeling of being part of the vanguard of a better world; a large mass of poeple congealing into a single political force calling out for change. Historically, it’s even stronger during revolutions. You can read some of the testimonies of survivors of the Russian Revolution or the 68ers, the way they describe it is like the purest sexual ecstasy."

“But you’re not leading a socialist revolution. You’re starting a cult.”

“So what? It’s still a movement, it still gives meaning through devotion to a higher cause. It gives meaning in a way that casually pursuing something because you have no idea what else to do cannot.”

“How would I know that though? Why should I believe you?”

“Well, first of all because you want it. As I said earlier, you keep following me around, so clearly you’re not uninterested. More than that though, because you remember how you felt when I dommed you previously. You know how it felt to give me control and you loved it, you know that having my control even deeper would only make you love it more. And it’s not like I’m asking you to do something nobody has done before. You can ask any of my devotees how they feel about it and if they have any regrets. I promise, they’d be eager to answer any questions you might have.”

“I cannot submit to you.”

“I know you feel like that.”

“No, I’m serious. I wish you would quit trying to convince me.”

“I’m not trying to convince you. You asked me my opinion and I gave you my answer. Any attempt at ‘convincing’ you that you see in that is simply your own latent attraction manifesting itself in desire for me.”

“I don’t believe you. You said that you’re not an idiot earlier, and neither am I. I can see what you’re doing. I can see the way you try to twist your words in the perfect way to dig into that part of me that wants to give in while maintaining enough plausible deniability about what you’re doing. You’re a skilled manipulator, but I’ve known you long enough to be more familiar with your tricks than the average submissive you enchant into falling for you.”

“Would it make it hotter if I admitted it?”

“A little.”

“Then yes, I’m manipulating you. The words I pick are carefully selected because I know they’re most likely to resonate with you. Not that I’m lying, I truly believe every word I’ve said. I just express myself in ways that I think will convince you the most. To be honest, it’s more an art of rhetoric than manipulation.”

“Why should I believe you’re not lying?”

“Have I ever lied to you in the past? I don’t lie, I prefer to play with my cards face up.”

“No, but part of the benefit of not lying is that it means the first time you do lie everyone will believe it.”
“Fine, then look at my actions. Look at the way I’ve changed myself, the way I’ve obliterated the line between kink and reality in my own life. If I did not truly believe the things I say, would I have done that?”

“How you’ve changed your own life and how you would expect me to change mine are not comparable. You have changed your life to give yourself more power, you want me to give up power. You want me to give up things I hold extremely close. I have a partner I deeply love, even if I wanted to give you my soul I could not, people rely on me.”
“I’ll hold my tongue then.”

“What?”

“No, you don’t want to hear it.”

“I’ll be wondering if you don’t tell me, just say it.”

“Alright. Do you really think that relationship can last?”

“Yes.”

“You’re in your early twenties and you’ve only talked online. You stay together because you enjoy being able to talk to each other and each rely on the other to support your mental health. You have e-sex every couple days with each of you having to take a turn as the dom because neither of you really enjoy it. Also you watch anime together and play the occasional video game. That’s all. Is that love?”

“Yes and honestly it’s kind of offensive you would imply it isn’t. Why should I feel shame for basing my relationship on being friends with my partner? Why is it a bad thing to confide and find support in my partner? Why is my relationship any less filled with love than some traditional, in person, heterosexual marriage?”

“Don’t put words in my mouth. Obviously the majority of straight relationships are loveless, I would never claim otherwise. Don’t you ever feel like there’s something more than that though? Like the emotions you feel are a muted version of their full potential? That by just aiming for a comfortable and contented life you’re missing out on the extremes of the human experience?”

“Sure, but it also means that I’m missing out on the extremes of the human experience. You phrase that as some absolute good, but getting the positive extremes frequently means getting the negative extremes along with them. They come in pairs.”

“That is where I think you’re wrong. Those negative extremes can be just as valuable as the positives. There is a beauty in overwhelming lust, in desperation, in despair, in humiliation, in regret, in yearning, in denial, and in loss. A common argument to explain the existence of evil is that without it, good would not exist either. In the same way, without the extreme negative, the extreme positive would cease to be. And just as you would never eradicate evil to eradicate good, there’s no reason to avoid the fringe of human emotion just because you’ll get hurt doing it. You simply have to learn to love the pain.”

A pause.

“I can’t. It doesn’t matter how badly I want to, I can’t.”

“I know a part of you wants it. I know a part of you wants it more than anything in the world. I know you love me more than you can put into words.”

“I do. But only a part of me. Unfortunately for you, my rational self still retains control.”

“For now.”

“I think you overestimate your ability to break it.”

“I don’t need to break it because it isn’t really a ‘rational’ self. Humans are not rational creatures, regardless of what anyone says. You are not reasoning based on abstract first principles or observed phenomena, you have decided to not devote yourself to me and are making the reasoning conform to that decision. Similarly, if you ultimately decided to give me your soul, you would easily find it the most rational outcome. You and everyone else find it perfectly easy to shift the facts of reality to fit what you’ve already decided to believe. I’m not arguing with you in an attempt to rationally convince you to become my devotee, I’m arguing with you because I know my attention feeds the highly emotional part of you that wants to be mine.”

“But you must know it doesn’t matter how much you feed it. Even though you make it stronger, it will never be able to overpower me and certainly it won’t be able to for an extended period of time.”

“That’s untrue, I can think of two ways it would be able to. The first is disaster. Nobody can predict what the next day will bring, it’s always possible something horrible will happen. Some minor tragedy could spark a chain of events leading everything in your life to fall apart. Lose your job, your partner, your closest friends. Or at least, feel like you’re losing them. It doesn’t really matter if it actually happens, all that matters if you feel a sense of acute, inescapable crisis. An extreme situation like that can lead anyone to search for a way out, no matter how much it costs. An option like what I offer that may have seemed too extreme will suddenly look like a godsend. An anchor of stability in the turbulent waves of fate.”

“Would I really turn to you?”

“I’m not sure where else you would go.”

“Perhaps. But I’m not in a situation like that and as much as you may wish I was, it seems unlikely I ever will be.”

“Don’t count on that, life can change on a dime.”

“I know. What’s the second way I could be overpowered?”

“Mmm. I’m not sure I should say.”

“I hate when you do this. You know I’m too curious to not ask you to go on. You probably act like that specifically so I beg you to keep going and can’t be blamed for it later.”

A wry smile.

“Why do you think I know how much you love me? Why do you think I know how my words affect you?”

“Because you’re skilled at reading people and me especially.”

“I am good at reading people, but not this good.”

“What are you saying.”

“You remember that when I used to dominate you, most of your time was spent in trance, don’t you?”

“Of course. That’s the whole reason I wish you would loosen up and let me submit to you in a less all encompassing way.”

“And you remember toward the end, we started to experiment a bit with memory play?”

“Wait.”

“Well…”

“Wait.”

“I may have conditioned love for me into the deepest reaches of your mind and made you forget about it.”

“Fuck.”

“And gave a trigger to it. A trigger so that every word you heard me say only made that love stronger.”

“Fuck.”

“I’d apologize about abusing your trust, but I’ll be honest I’m not very sorry.”

“Get it out.”

“No.”

“I know you’re not an abuser. Or at the very least, you don’t want the reputation of one. Put me under trance and get the conditioning out.”

“I don’t owe you trance just because you want it. The conditioning is making you unable to think straight. Why would you even trust me to put you under and not take advantage of you in that state?”

“Fuck, I’ll leave then. I’ll find some other hypnotist to get rid of it.”

“I wouldn’t if I were you. If I remember right, I put some malicious triggers that would activate if anyone tried to tamper with it. Maybe you’d get lucky and they’ve faded from your mind, but unless you’d like to risk illiteracy it’s not worth it.”

“You’re lying.”

“How much are you willing to bet on that?”

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I hate that I love you. I hate you so fucking much.”

“Good. It’s working.”

“What didn’t you tell me. It’s doing something, I can tell. This horrific feeling inside of me is mutating. What did you do.”

“Oh, nothing.”

“Fucking tell me. Please.”

“Better. I guess since it’s starting to take effect, it won’t do any harm. There was another trigger. When I told you about what I did, it was supposed to go into overdrive. Pumping up the infatuation to new heights.”

“You fucking bastard.”

“Watch how you speak to me.”

“Sorry.”

“Good pet.”

“I didn’t mean it. I said it against my will.”

“I know. But a part of you did mean it. And before long, that part of you will be all of you.”

“I could leave. I could run out of this room, block you everywhere, and never see you again.”

“You won’t. I kept us talking long enough that I was sure when I activated it it’d be too strong to escape. And I notice you aren’t leaving.

“Fuck. I can’t. I really can’t. Even though I want to, I don’t want to. What have you done to me.”

“I could deal a bit less vulgarity and a little more thanks.”

“Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you I love you I love you.”

“Much better.”

“You know I can’t stop myself. Please, please, please make it stop.”

“The only thing that’s making this hurt is you. Like I said back when we started this conversation, one way or another the decision was going to be made for you. I have decided you will be mine. At this point it’s clearly inevitable. Any resistance you make to it is like trying to fight gravity.”

“I-”

“Go on.”

“Will I like it?”

“Of course.”

“Thank You. Thank You. Thank You. Thank You. Thank You. I love You. I love You. I love You.”

Laughter fills the room.

“I can see it in your eyes. You’ve broken.”

“I don’t care anymore. I can’t fight it. I love You too much to. I want to be Yours too much to. I can’t bring myself to care, please let me be Yours. Please let me give You my soul. Please let me devote my life to You. Please let me, please I’m begging You. You rightfully occupy the place at the center of my life.”

“Of course I’ll let you. I knew I would get you. And I knew you would be grateful once I did.”

“I am. I’m so grateful. I don’t care anymore, I can’t care anymore. You were right, You were right all along. I need to feel that ecstasy of being devoted to something, I need to feel the extremes of human emotion, I need to give up all the things holding me back from You. I don’t care, I just belong to You. You were right all along. It all seems so rational now, so obviously right. I can’t understand how I disagreed earlier, I can’t understand how I felt what I felt. You were right. You are always right. Thank You.”

“You know the best part, my pet?”

“What?”

“There was no conditioning. I made it up. You were so close to breaking, all you needed was an excuse.”

Silence.

“Thank You.”