Chapter 1: Completely Honest

Then

Alison Day had always been open with her body. On their very first night in the freshman dorms, she'd unbuttoned her dress shirt and revealed her braless tits to her awestruck roommate. “You like?” Alison said. Casey Carroll, lost for words, could only give a meek nod.

Alison and Casey been inseparable since rooming together freshman year, and when it came time to leave the dorms they didn't even question whether they'd stick together. Over time, Alison began to wear less and less around their apartment. Most days she didn't even bother to put on pants, and would walk around post-shower with nothing but a towel wrapped around her hair. Casey relaxed her own dress code, opting for camisoles and yoga pants. Alison had seen her roommate naked a handful of times, but it was never more than a glimpse through a half-open door or a bare back when Casey turned away to change. Until…

Six months after moving into an apartment together, Casey and Alison were marathoning the Yuletide Massacre series, halfway through a bottle of spiced rum. They cuddled together on the couch, Casey in her Christmas pajamas, Alison in shorts and a tank top. The room was silent as they waited for the next movie to load. The winter storm outside had already knocked out the wifi twice so far.

“Case?” Alison rested her head in the taller girl's lap. She ran her nails down Casey's leg, tracing the silhouette of a moose on the patterned flannel.

“Ali?” Casey said. Normally she would stop Alison when she got flirty like this, but in that moment it felt too damn good. “Keep doing that.”

“Casey?” Alison said again. “Do you think I'm pretty?”

Casey caressed Alison's short, self-cut hair, dyed neon orange the week before. “Of course you're pretty. You're always bringing somebody new home, guys and girls. I had breakfast with three of your… conquests just this week.”

Alison flipped onto her back, looking up. “Not what I meant. Do you think I'm pretty, CiCi?”

Casey's hand paused, resting on Alison's head. They only called each other by their private nicknames when they were being real. Intimate. “I don't… I'm not sure what you mean, Adie. I mean, you know I do.”

“'Cause I think you're pretty,” Alison mumbled, her words running together. “So pretty. Tell you the truth… I'm kinda jealous of you.”

“Of me? Why?”

Alison closed her eyes. “It's like you don't even notice how… how sexy you are. I'm cute, sure but you, you're beautiful. You don't see it. You live inside your head, burying yourself in your work, hiding yourself under all these clothes, your ponytails and your button-ups.” She tugged at Casey's pajama top. “But I see it. I see you.”

Casey shut the TV off. The room was dim, lit only by Christmas tree lights and the streetlamps outside. Snow had been constant since noon, and the streets were pleasantly quiet.

“Ali?”

“Hmm,” Alison hummed, half-asleep.

“I know,” Casey said. “I know how I look. How people stare at me. Even before I got these… boobs.”

“Don't say boobs,” Alison slurred. “Issa stupid word. For stupid babies. Stupid babies,” she yawned, “need the most attention…”

“Fine. My breasts. Happy?”

“Eh. I like tits better.” Alison opened one eye and prodded the underside of Casey's breast with her index finger. “Boop.”

“Stop that!” Casey playfully batted at Alison's hand. “I guess… I don't like being seen,” she continued. “I don't want to be just the pretty girl. I can't get through office hours or a coffee date without someone trying to look down my shirt, or go to the gym without feeling their eyes on my butt.”

“Yeah, but… I do that stuff too. Ogle you. That doesn't sound right. Oogle? Oggle?”

Casey laughed. “I don't mind when you do it, you horndog. You're the only person I can really talk to, besides Cal. You're my friend, Adie. I don't…”

Alison sat up and put her arms around Casey's middle, laying her head on her friend's chest. “I know, CiCi. I don't have a lot of friends either.” She sniffled. “I'm drunk.”

“Me too. I thought that was the point.”

“It is. Gotta get you outta that shell.”

“Hey Adie?”

“CiCi?”

“I really don't mind when you look at me like that. I… I like it, even, if we're being completely honest. Is that fucked up?”

Alison shrugged. “A little, maybe. I don't mind fucked up. It's not like I'm not. Although if we're going to do 'completely honest',” she said, reaching for the rum, “I think we have a ways to go yet.”

“Your turn, Case.”

“My brother? I think he has a crush on you.”

“Boooo!” Alison said. “You're supposed to tell me something I don't know. Drink!”

Casey finished her rum and coke. “You know?”

“Of course I know! He's not exactly subtle about it. Besides, you think I'm hot, ergo, he thinks I'm hot. Transitive property.”

“That's not how that works,” Casey said. She let out a small burp and covered her mouth. “'Scuse me. Like, at all.”

“Definitely would, though.”

“Would what?”

“With Cal. Would bang. Y'know, if he wasn't your brother, and if he wasn't dating that… harpy… woman. He's a good-looking guy.”

“Ew. Stop talking! He's my brother!”

“Like you haven't noticed! You're twins! You've got the same hair, the same eyes. You're both sexy, you both act like you don't know it, you're both huge dorks–”

“Hey!”

“The only thing he's got that you don't is…” Alison ran a hand up Casey's inner thigh, then squeezed.

Casey jumped. She grabbed a throw pillow and and hit Alison square in the face.

“Alright, alright!” Alison said. “Truce! Enough about me and your brother.”

“Let's hope so,” Casey said, and hiccupped. “You're up.”

“Completely honest? Your brother? I think he has a crush on you.”

“Oh come on, Ali!”

Alison shrugged. “Wouldn't say it if it weren't true.” She swallowed her drink. “Remember when he helped us move in? I was prancing around in cutoffs and a crop top, and he barely noticed me. You, though? Every time I looked over he was watching you. Hell, even his devil-woman girlfriend noticed. Remember how she pretty much dragged him out of there?”

“That's not…! Cal isn't….! He doesn't…! Agh!” Casey shook her head, as though trying to dislodge the thoughts. “And also? Alison? Gross.”

“It's okay if you've thought about it, it's –”
“I haven't!”

“It's completely natural. Everyone's attracted to themselves, so for twins, right, nature's like, okay, let's test this out, here's a boy you, here's a girl you. It's absolutely a thing. I read about it somewhere.”

“It absolutely isn't, and you absolutely didn't. Give me that.” Casey snatched the bottle from Alison's hand and took a long pull. “Gah! Need to scrub that out of my brain. Urp. Right back. Necesito el baño.”

“Lucky for you we're drinking rum tonight,” Alison said as Casey returned from the bathroom. Alison held the nearly empty bottle up to the light, swirling the last few inches of amber liquid. Casey wavered, looking dazed, then flopped on the couch next to her friend.

“Sure you're alright, Case? Looks like that last drink is kicking in.”

“'m fine,” Casey said. “Could say the same thing about you."

“I may have had a teeny tiny sip while you were washing up. Gotta keep up with you, CiCi.”

“You were saying? Rum? How I'm lucky?”

“So with rum, I get like this. Maudlin, lazy. Like a little kitten. An Ali… cat.” She nuzzled Casey's shoulder. “And I talk too much. Or, more than usual. Sappy, sentimental bullshit. Now, you've never had tequila…”

“What d'you mean? I've had tequila.”

“Hang on,” Alison said, “I thought this was your first time drinking! I was supposed to show you the ropes!”

“Nnnnnoooope. Never said that. I used to party back in high school. Cal and I both did. We weren't always,” she gulped, “'huge dorks.' We just decided to tone it down when we got to college. Start taking things seeeeriously. So yes, I can hold my liquor. Plus, you? You're tiny.”

“Maaaaan. Did not know that. You seem so innocent, I guess I just assumed. Okay, so anyway, with tequila, I get so.” Alison slid her hand up and palmed Casey's her right breast over her pajamas. “Fucking.” She licked Casey's earlobe, then bit it, tenderly. “Horny.”

“Y-yeah?” Casey's breath hitched as Alison found her nipple. “What would you do?”

“I'll show you.” Alison grinned, then tackled Casey to the floor and straddled her waist. She was surprisingly strong. “I'd pin you down,” she grabbed Casey's wrists and held them against the floorboards, “and have my way with you. Abso…lutely… ravish you.”

Alison leaned in, then paused. Casey's gray eyes were wide, her dark brown hair splayed across the floor like a halo. Her face was unreadable, some mixture of trepidation and longing and lust.

“Fuck me,” Alison said, straightening up. “Goddamn it.”

“Adie?” Casey propped herself up on her elbows. “What is it?”

“I'm really sorry, Cici. Casey. Completely honest?”

"'Course."

Alison took a deep breath. “I really like you. You're the best friend I've ever had. I've only known you for like a year and a half, and it feels like it's been forever. But there's more than that, on my end, feelings-wise. I've been fucking everything that moves, trying to distract myself. Sorry about the noise, by the way.”

Casey waved her off. “S'okay.”

“Every time, every time, I'm lying next to some stranger, it's like, what the fuck are you even doing, you know? Casey's right there. Her door is five steps away.”

Casey nodded.

“And tonight, it just seemed… right, y'know. It's Christmas, we'll have a few drinks, open up to each other, see where… and then I pretty much attacked you. You looked… scared. Like a frightened rabbit. My head is going, yeah, no shit, great plan, Ali, you got her drunk and threw yourself at her, literally and figuratively, and of course she's scared, she doesn't feel like that about you, she doesn't even like girls, and did you really think you were going to do anything but fuck this up?, and now I don't even…” Alison buried her face in her hands. “I talk too much.”

“Alison.” Casey brought Alison's hands down and gave her a quick peck on the lips. “Shut your stupid perfect mouth. You didn't fuck anything up. Promise. And I never said I didn't like girls.”

Alison blinked at her, dumbfounded. “So you're… bi?”

“I like who I like,” Casey said. “I don't really do labels. The two guys I've been with, it took a long time to figure out how I felt about them. I'm kind of a… slow learner with all this, so they got fed up and left. I still love them, in a way. This, tonight was… look, Adie. I do like you. I love you. I'm still figuring out what that means. This is a me problem.”

“I went too fast.”

“You did, “ Casey conceded. “ And yes, I was a little scared. But it's okay. We're going to make mistakes. We're going to fuck up. We're going to do it together. I'm not going anywhere.”

Alison was silent, processing. Casey stood and pulled her friend to her feet.

“Hey, Adie?”

“Cici?”

“You're still pretty drunk, yeah?”

Alison's eyes looked up as she ran a mental inventory. “Yep,” she concluded. “Still preeetty drunk. Probably won't even remember most of this in the morning, which, y'know, small blessings.”

“I am, too,” Casey said. “Drunk. Still. Wanna make another mistake?” She started unbuttoning her pajama top.

“W-what? I thought were weren't…”

“We're not. But we can still have some fun.”

“What do… I don't…”

“Do. You. Want. To. Make. Out. With. Me?” With each word Casey undid another button, revealing the insides of her breasts and her firm, flat stomach.

“The drunken roommate makeout is a cliché for a reason. I'm pretty sure it's even written into the lease,” Casey continued. She poured the last of the rum into their glasses. “I've never tried it, and it sounds fun. Seems a shame to waste a perfectly good opportunity like this.” She parted the sides of her top and let it drop.

“Jesus christ, Cici. They're beautiful.”

Casey shook her shoulders, making her breasts sway from side to side. “They're alright. Your turn now, Adie. Arms up.”

Casey pulled her roommate's tank top over her head. Alison's breasts, which hovered somewhere between a C and a D cup, looked even larger on her small frame. Casey marveled that she had known these breasts for as long as she'd known Alison herself, ever since their first night in the dorms, and if anything they looked–

“Caaaasey. Come back to me, Casey.” Alison snapped her fingers in front of her friend's face. “You're acting like you never seen them before.”

“I'm vary familiar. We'ver just never been…” Casey gave Alison's nipples a gentle twist. Alison groaned. “Properly introduced.”

Alison raised her head and brought Casey in for a long, slow kiss.

They had stumbled to Casey's bedroom, wanting to end their makeout session in a real bed. They laid there together, naked from the waist up, nose to nose. The sun was starting to come up, edging the room's curtains with a pale grey glow.

“How in the fuck did you get so good at that?” Alison said.

“Completely honest, Adie? I didn't tell you everything about me and Cal.”

“I fucking!–”Alison shouted, then stopped herself. “Fucking knew it,” she said softly. “What happened?”

“We both had dates to the prom, and Cal came to me and confessed that he'd never kissed a girl before. I told him I hadn't either.”

“Probably in your secret twin language,” Alison muttered.

Casey patted her cheek. “Love you, you beautiful dummy. So we set aside an hour every day to practice, before our parents got home from work. That was pretty much it. Once prom came and went, we just sort of tapered off. It was… clinical. We didn't develop feelings for each other, or anything like that.”

“Hard disagree,” Alison said. She ran a finger along Casey's deep cleavage. “I've seen how he looks at you. He'd be so jealous right now, if he knew we were like this.”

“Hey, Adie?”

“CiCi?”

We didn't fuck things up too bad tonight, did we?”

“Only a little. Not too bad, no.”

*             *             *

Alison and Casey never spoke about it directly, but that night stayed with them. Neither knew how much the other remembered, if anything. What did linger was fragmented at best, ephemeral, watercolor.

In time, the roommates fell back into their old routines. Casey got promoted from TA to adjunct professor, teaching her own Intro to Film Studies course. Alison continued a string of one night stands, and even managed a couple of relationships, the longest lasting a whole four months.

Late last year, shortly after graduating with a degree in Communications, Alison started webcamming. She was in a dry spell both personally and professionally, struggling to hold down a decent lover or a decent job. She kept it a secret at first, assuming Casey would be weirded out by it. Casey had walked in on her mid-stream more times than she could remember, finding her roommate in various states of undress, but she'd simply chalked it up to 'Ali being Ali'. The last time it happened, Alison was topless, covering her nipples with one arm, headphones on, the remote vibrator in her panties bringing her to the peak of an orgasm. Casey closed the door with a hurried apology, and had knocked without fail ever since.

*             *             *

“So I guess you figured it out,” Alison said. She and Casey sat across from each other at the kitchen table. It was 2am, hours after Casey had walked in on her camshow. Alison had promised Casey that they would talk, but she still owed her audience another two and a half hours, and she couldn’t leave that money on the table.

“I mean, yeah, it makes sense now,” Casey said, stirring her coffee. “I've heard you through the door. I thought maybe you were just horny after you broke up with Shay. I did wonder how you were making rent, but I didn't want to pry.”

“You're my friend, Cici,” Alison said. “It's okay to ask. I'm not embarrassed. I like doing it. I'm good at it.”

“I could have given you the money, Ali.”

“Casey, no. I appreciate that, but this is something I need to take care of myself. I was curious what it might be like, so I jumped in. Right now, I'm having fun, and that's what matters. If that stops, I stop.”

“Is it… do you feel safe doing it?”

“Mostly. It's completely anonymous, so long as you don't overshare in chat, and your brother helped me set up a VPN for extra privacy.”

“Waitwaitwait. Cal knew about this? For how long?”

“Since the beginning. He's the one who helped me set up my hardware. Turns out it's a lot more than just a ring light and a microphone. He really never told you?”

“Not a word.”

“Huh. Before today, I figured you already knew and just didn't say anything. Like maybe you used your weird twin telepathy or something.”

“Still not something that exists, Ali.”

“I've tried to pay him, but he won't take it. Not money, VIP access, not… favors.”

“Alison!”

“I tried. He's a tough one, your brother. He won't even watch my streams. He's sickeningly loyal to that… creature. All he asked is that I don't tell her about him helping.”

“She has a name.”

“Shhh! Don't say it, you'll summon her!”

“And that guy who was on your screen when I came in, was he a VIP?”

“Yes and no. That was a private chat – people watching the stream can pay for time alone with you. I'm pretty low-level, so I do maybe twenty bucks a minute. It's a gamble – the money is guaranteed, but it shuts out everyone else watching, so their tips stop coming in, and a lot of times people jump ship if you go private. The good part is, most of the private guys are pretty tame. Some of them just want to talk. Most of these people are just… lonely. Any kind of intimacy they can get… I dunno. I feel torn about it, sometimes – I need the money, and if I didn't do it they'd find someone else.”

“What I saw you doing.. was that normal?”

“For me it was. The whole thing is based on how far you're willing to go. More risk, more reward. I'm not looking to get rich, so I mostly just tease, do under the panties stuff, show off my tits if they tip enough. The more extreme girls, the ones who go full nude, do hardcore stuff, group shows, fetish content, they make in the tens, sometimes hundreds of thousands a month. I get offers all the times, especially for fetish stuff. No shame, but a lot of it creeps me out.”

Casey gave her a blank look. “Fetish stuff?”

“You sweet, innocent child. Balloons, cake play, pissing, vore… forget that last one. You're better off. All of that's a hard no. I've toyed with the idea of doing hypnosis stuff, but I haven't had any offers yet. It's pretty niche, but some of the girls who specialize in it make pretty good money.”

“That's a thing? A hypnosis… fetish?”

“Turns out. It's not real, y'know, so it's pretty much just roleplay, this dom/sub thing. You watch a some video and pretend to go into a trance, or you're the one hypnotizing the other person. Not really my thing, but I'd be willing to try. It seems mostly harmless.”

“I think it sounds creepy,” Casey said. “What if it actually works?”

“I think it only does if you believe in it, which… no. I've talked to a few other camgirls who've tried it, and they'll swear up and down that it worked on them. There's all these spook stories about girls who've done it and then just… dropped off the map. Like even their families can't find them. Most of the girls who've done the whole 'you are getting hypnotized' thing, they say it's a bunch of horseshit.”

“Wow, that's… I've never heard of that.”

“This is my shocked face,” Alison said. “Casey hasn't heard of of something kinky? Miss vanilla pudding? Oh, heavens!”

“Shut up! I've got kinks! I just think it sounds kind of hot, letting go like that, not having to think for yourself…”

“Listen, I can send you some links, if you really–”

“NO! No. Just thinking out loud. It's… a lot to take in.”

“So you're cool with me doing it?”

“Of course! As long as you're happy. Besides, I already know how much of a freak you are–”

“Jerk.”

“– so this doesn't move the needle too much. I'll make sure to knock from now on.”

“About that… a few of the times you've been on camera, the chat just blows up. 'Who's that?,' 'Is that your girlfriend?,' 'How much for a private with her?,' et cetera.”

“Alison…”

“You wouldn't have to show anything! You could dress like you normally do, even wear one of those costume ball masks if you really wanted. Maybe flash them a bit, show off some skin. Complete honesty? I do miss seeing the twins.”

“Me and Cal? I don't–” Casey followed her friend's gaze. “Oh. Those.”

Alison licked her lips, thinking to herself. “Yyeeaahhh… we could get so many viewers, Case, even crack the top thousand worldwide… christ, with a body like yours, we could…”

“Alison? Hey. Eyes up. Come back. Adie?”

“Yeah, CiCi?

“Never going to happen.”