“...and I promise it won’t happen again, I’ll take your next Sunday shift, I’ll-” The rattle of the cheap plastic house phone behind the bar being slammed against the receiver cut the mewling short. I had heard enough excuses from Christa to last a lifetime. Her antics, and the rest of the grueling shift so far, were the least of my worries.

No, the implication behind Christa’s call-out was the real issue. I would, once again, have to stay late and work until close. A few months ago, that fact alone would’ve been enough to bring me to my knees, hiding my tears behind the bartop. Now though, it just makes my stomach turn. Shame and guilt clawed at the corners of my mind. I’d have to face her again.

I knew she did it just to torture me. She always tries to see how far she can push me.

Audrey’s terrifying steadiness meant that I couldn’t even hope she’d miss this night out. 10 PM would come around, and my ex-girlfriend would arrive. I felt the tattoo on my lower back burning. No matter how much time had passed since I had gotten it covered up, my body still remembered the stinging kiss of the needle when it laid the original ink.

My hands were shaking. I steadied myself on the POS computer behind the bar, looking down and trying to look busy. My auburn locks draped around me shield my distressed face from the few patrons already present. I was too terrified for tears.

The fear papered over the rage I had at myself. It was nowhere near the first time I had to take Christa’s shift, and nowhere near the first time I’d be face-to-face with my ex two years after I escaped her. It angered me that I couldn’t steady myself, and that I knew I wouldn’t be strong enough to stop what would happen while she was here. She knew that fact, too.

I introduced Audrey to this joint early into our relationship, after she had griped about a lack of lesbian bars in the area. While it wasn’t fully lesbian, you couldn’t swing a pool cue without hitting some sort of dyke at Jocelyn’s. We had gone a few times together throughout our three year relationship, but she only started making it a weekly habit after we were single. 

Audrey had me in her clutches for far longer than I like to think about. I was initially thrilled to have found a lifestyle domme who could match my energy and desire to be controlled, but I ended up with way more than I bargained for. She took any ground she could, and I was addicted to ceding more and more autonomy to her.

I filled any role she asked of me. Her dog, her servant, her attendant housewife. I can’t lie, the things I’m able to remember from our sessions still leave me struggling for breath to this day. She was manipulative and cold-blooded, and sometimes it felt like the scenes never ended. I was beneath a tyrant, and at times her rule felt like the warmest of embraces. 

The other times though, feel like a nightmare. When I had expressed my desire to return to college to pursue my degree in biology, a vase shattered on the wall behind my head.. From there, things took a turn for the last year of our relationship. Her rules became much more strict, with a curfew and constant communications monitoring. In hindsight, it’s so easy for me to see how unreasonable it all was. At the time though, it was impossible for me to feel like it was out of the ordinary. I was in a fog, and there are days at a time I don’t remember.

The gaps in my memory from our three years together were always a mystery to me. She had enjoyed being in charge of my medication, which was really nice for helping me remember to take my HRT earlier in my transition. But she also reveled in pressuring me to ask my psychiatrist to try different cocktails of SSRIs and SNRIs, presumably to find which made me the most agreeable. I had no way of knowing if she had slipped any other medicines into my routine as well, but I knew better than to question her. By the time she had perfected it, my brain felt like molasses had been poured on it. Just as sweet, too, as my dimming mind was eager to soak up any of her honeyed words or sharp degradation and turn it into pure serotonin. Audrey was an expert at keeping me addicted, at making me need her.

It felt like she was essentially sapping my ambition and independence. I lost myself in devotion and service to her, and those dreams of returning to college were smothered by her influence. I didn’t need to learn, I didn’t need to work, I didn’t need to create. I just needed to serve Audrey.

I had essentially been rescued by a friend from my first stint at university, who unexpectedly invited me to lunch. I had accepted while Audrey was at work, and so she hadn’t had an opportunity to supervise or reject the invitation on my behalf. In one of my rare solo outings as Audrey’s helpless pet, my friend had been able to detect how strange my behavior had become. 

“What did she do to you?” I remember my friend asking. I shudder when I remember how aroused the question made me in the moment. At that time it felt like my mind and soul were simply bearing my Goddess’ marks. I was proud to have been unmade by Audrey. 

Two years later, my skin crawled. I remembered needing that friend to accompany me when packing my belongings, lest I fell under Audrey’s spell once again.

Finally, once I had at least cleared my brain fog and created some distance, I started back at college and worked at Jocelyn’s to pay my way through. My apartment was kept obsessively spotless by reflexes I hadn’t been able to deprogram. For months I still instinctively dropped to my knees, awaiting the kiss of leather on my neck.

Of course, a year ago, Audrey began to make it a habit of stopping in at the bar at 10 PM, seemingly aware of how commonly my coworkers’ unreliability would compel me to face her.

My trip down memory lane had burned two hours off the clock while I robotically worked to fill my patrons orders. I never was very talkative, but I could tell I was being even more standoffish than usual. I gave myself a pass.

All of this added up is already too much for my trauma-addled brain to handle, but my real fear tugged at the corners of my mind. It seeped into every crevice of my brain, making itself impossible to ignore. I knew what Audrey would be up to once she was here. It had happened more than a few times, and… I felt powerless to stop it.

Audrey made a habit of drugging girls at the bar. She knew I could see her do it. She knew I wouldn’t confront her. She knew she had embedded love for her so deep in my mind that I wouldn’t dare try to get authorities involved. She had to be doing it to torture me.

The guilt tore at me, and threatened to rip me to shreds. The pit in my stomach was heavier by the second. I never had anyone to talk to about it. No one would understand my complete weakness before Audrey’s unforgivable acts. My teeth gritted. I couldn’t give up.

I’d make sure tonight was the last time.

The rush wasn’t as bad as a usual Saturday night. The snowy weather kept plenty of the more sane individuals inside the warmth of their own homes. I had just served a Long Island Ice Tea to a mousey blonde that I doubted would handle it well. 

I peered at my Seiko watch between all of the light arm hair that stood on end. The light green face indicated it was almost 10. I had picked the worst day to wear it, given that it was originally a gift from Audrey. An accessory to beautify her doll. I winced. My friends had stopped me from throwing it out. “Why throw money away just because of a bad relationship?” they said. I resolved to sell it… eventually. With each passing month I saw it on my nightstand, it got harder to work up the willpower to take it to a pawn shop. If I wasn’t going to do that, then at least I’d wear it.

That seemed like a good compromise at the time, but with the present dilemma, I realized it wasn’t such a stellar idea. I could at least take it off for the rest of my shift, before-

The door swung open. Its creak was swallowed by the music and howling of the wind. Those sounds, in turn, were swallowed by the ringing in my ears. I knew she was here. The burning on my lower back flared back up.

It felt like the Earth was still. I thought my heart was going to leap out of my throat. I never got used to seeing her. The star-struck feeling she instilled in me the first night we met never faded even during our relationship. Looking at her with awe was the norm in those years. Now though, the wonder was steeped in shame and regret. 

Audrey’s leather boots were so well-kempt, I almost had to turn away from the shine reflecting off of them. I caught myself wondering who polishes them now. Her broad stature and elevated height made it feel like the gravity in the room was all pulling towards her. Her sable jeans and leather jacket lent themselves to the black hole feeling, as if she was absorbing the light itself. A harness was snugly fit over her dark crimson blouse, accentuating her opulent curves. The blouse itself had a deep v-line, and it struggled to contain her breasts and lower belly pouch. 

Audrey wore her extra weight like a brand-new Gucci belt. She reveled in having more surface area for lesser women to worship. Her wide hips lent themselves to a glorious ass that I’ve spent more time under than I care to admit. It all added to the air of a greedy warlord that she carried with her. At six foot four, meeting her gaze demanded a vulnerable glance upwards, and dropping to one’s knees was natural from there.

Those days were over though, and I couldn’t let my nerves dissuade me from protecting the patrons at my bar. Audrey arrived with her gaggle of orbiters, clearly commanding the conversation and drawing laughs out of each of the women vying for her attention. I knew that their efforts were in vain, though. Audrey wouldn’t go home with any of them, she craved fresh, unconscious meat. And she wanted the hunt to happen in my full view. 

Suddenly, she was upon the bar. I didn’t even see her approach, but I briefly looked up to see her perfect eyeliner wings, with her wavy red hair serving as an exact chromatic complement to her jade eyes. Her round cheeks only served to balance her strong cheekbones, giving an uncanny elegance to her visage. I had to avert my gaze down, then even further once my eyes threatened to rest on her cleavage. I knew I’d never survive staring.

“Hi.” Audrey purred, doing her usual routine of pretending not to know me, “I like your watch.”

Fuck.

“Uh-” Fuck.

The deep garnet on Audrey’s lips seemed to get darker as the ends twisted upward in a predatory smile, as if she was suppressing a laugh. She didn’t pounce, though. To her, that would be letting me off too easy.

“Whiskey, neat, please.” This order at a bar like this would almost always make me roll my eyes. But this was no poser. I knew it was her usual. Even if it wasn’t the proper venue, she’d be getting me to pour her her favorite drink again. At least it’s for money this time, I coped.

I took the opportunity to turn around and hide my face while reaching for the Jameson behind me. I immediately heard her clicking her tongue. I hesitated, then peered back over my shoulder. She was pointing up, showing off her sharp black nail on her index finger. She whistled as if she didn’t already have my attention. 

She wanted something from the higher shelf? Our only other Irish Whiskey was-. Oh my god, what a bitch. She wanted a pour from the comedically expensive unopened Middleton that I swore my boss just put here as a decoration. I didn’t doubt this conclusion. When Audrey wanted to make a point, it seemed as if money was no object. 

I grumbled and cracked the bottle open before pouring her as little as I could while still avoiding a complaint. 

“Opening a tab?” I muttered, trying to avoid any eye contact while sliding the drink across the bar.

“Sure, here’s my card.” Only Audrey could make such a routine interaction so unbearable. “Oh, and I’d like to buy that girl another one of whatever she’s drinking. You can tell her it’s from me.”

My blood boiled. When I saw who she was pointing at, the heat coursing through my body roared. The unassuming blonde from earlier, like I predicted, was already red in the face. She didn’t notice us talking about her, so I felt emboldened to try to intervene.

“She’s overserved, I’m cutting her off, Aud-” Her name died on my lips. It felt like invoking her name would make the interaction more real, somehow.

“One more drink won’t hurt, would it,” Audry’s words dripped with venom, seemingly aware of how dangerous her husky voice was, “honey?”

The pet name hit me like a ton of bricks. It felt like a true strike to my solar plexus. I steadied myself on the bar. I couldn’t cave at the first roadblock, but the invocation of what she used to call me brought my thirst for her approval to the forefront. I made the mistake of meeting Audrey’s gaze. 

She looked determined, and I knew I wouldn’t wiggle out of this without making a bigger issue of it. Moreover, the years of conditioning clawed at the back of my mind. She had always used her eyes as a trigger, something to get me to stare at after dosing me with LSD. Far too many associations had been built, and I wondered if she was aware just how much staying power all her tricks had on me. I decided it was better to bend than break, and ceded the drink.

I tried to keep the blonde girl’s-Tracy, according to her tab- second Long Island of the night as diluted as possible. My hands shook as I stirred the drink, guilt once again forming a lump in my throat. It was hard to not feel like Audrey was using me, her ex, as a tool to flirt through. Or worse.

Seconds away from Audrey’s gaze was enough to re-steel myself as much as I could. I smirked to myself. I could just deliver this drink and not tell Tracy who got it for her. If I couldn’t be a roadblock, at least I could be an annoying speedbump. Besides, even saving just one person from Audrey’s attention would be proof enough I’ve grown.

I walked over to the corner of the bartop and slid the drink to Tracy. “Someone got this for you. Won’t be on your tab.” I turned to walk away, but the girl’s voice rang out before I could plausibly pretend to not hear her. 

“Thank you!!” Tracy’s cute, squeaky voice made me rethink my own aversion to voice training in the past two years, “But uh, who was it?” My heart dropped. I… did not think this through nearly enough. Now that the drink wasn’t immediately presented as being from Audrey, it made her intentions seem more altruistic. Without even trying, I enhanced her plan.

Desperate to save myself from a tailspin, I turned to point, hoping I could pass the drink off as being from someone, anyone, else. But looking right back at us, still leaning on the bar, was Audrey. The deep green of her eyes pierced my veneer of bravery. I pointed to her.

“Uh, she did.” I started, trying to downplay, “but I don’t think you should-.” I never got to finish my warning. Tracy was clearly drunk, and didn’t seem shy about it.

“Thank you Miss!!” She yelled across the bar to the older Audrey, who mimed doffing her cap to the girl, “You look so cool, can I- can I come sit with you?” I felt something in my spirit shatter. The girl’s slurred words made it obvious that she had fallen for everything hook, line, and sinker.

“I’ll come to you.” Audrey’s volume was much more controlled, but was still audible above the noise of the bustling lounge. As she made her way over, I resolved that I couldn’t stomach being near this interaction. I marched back to the other end of the bar to take orders there, hoping I could bury myself in my work.

The hour dragged, and I couldn’t stop myself from stealing glances at Audrey and Tracy at the end of the bar. I told myself it was to protect the younger Tracy from someone I knew was dangerous. From the outside, though, the view couldn’t look any more different. Tracy was giggling, putting her arm on Audrey’s shoulders constantly. Audrey seemed to make a point of doing very little, demonstrating to any onlookers that it was this girl that was all over her, and not the other way around. 

I didn’t walk over to offer more drinks to either of them. Right after 11, I saw Tracy stand up. I thought she was going to ask me to close her tab, but she instead marched to the bathroom, trying to stay upright. Audrey sat alone with the girl’s drink.

I stared her down. It was do or die. I needed to stop Audrey from lacing this girl’s drink. Not just for Tracy, but for me. I needed to be free.

Audrey was staring back at me. She knew what I was looking for. She gave a crooked smile when I expected a scowl. Her lips parted to reveal her sharpened canines, which my neck were way too familiar with. Her bloodthirsty grin left me undeterred, and when I saw her reaching into her handbag, I started to march over. Audrey fished a red carabiner replete with keys as well as a black pill fob. She started unscrewing the lid, never breaking eye contact with me.

My resolve flared. I quickened my pace and grabbed Audrey’s wrist. I had never put hands on her in an aggressive way like this before. My blood was rushing. Audrey had always been massively taller than me, but with her on the stool and me standing behind the bar, I was looking down at her for the first time. 

My ex was obviously stronger than me, but I felt drunk off the power of my grip on her arm, preventing her from opening up the pill holder. It was the most powerful I’d felt since before my relationship with Audrey.

I was eager to see her reaction to this power shift, to my insolence. This was my domain, and no matter what our dynamic was previously, I was going to protect it.

Only…she looked unfazed. I searched her face for any loss of poise. Audrey was as smug as she always was when challenged. Suddenly I didn’t feel so tall.

“My, my,” Audrey purred, “this is the first time you’ve touched me in years, honey. Tell me, how does it feel?”

“Shut up. You’re not going to hurt that girl.”

“Hurt?” Audrey stifled a chuckle, “Seems like she’s having a good time to me.” Audrey shrugged and I could feel the force of it travel from her built arms to the wrist I was holding. Her limbs made mine look downright tiny. It’d be affirming if it wasn’t so terrifying.

I glanced around, realizing that I had been aggressively holding Audrey’s wrist for longer than anyone would see as friendly.

“Oh, worried about causing a scene, are we?” Audrey continued her taunting. “You were so well behaved the last few times I saw you here. Why not just let me do what I want? Are you jealous of her?”

My cheeks burned red with what had to be rage. It felt like Audrey’s husky voice was laced with landmines, buried beneath her sweet tone, intended to make me slip up. I wouldn’t. I couldn’t. I recentered myself, took a deep breath, and let go of her wrist. I gathered my resolve.

“You need to leave. Now.” I sternly said, trying to cut through the familiarity. Audrey looked bewildered at my defiance, and I felt like I had finally scored a point in some twisted game. I drank it in. She really still thought, after all this time, that I was still her puppet? Seeing those jade eyes dilated in surprise for once was liberating. Audrey was not a woman used to being told “no”, even when the girls she took back weren’t drugged.

Audrey furrowed her brow. She started rubbing her wrist, even though I know my weak grasp couldn’t possibly have hurt her. She took a swig of her whiskey. I assumed she must have been self-soothing, nursing her wounded pride. It must’ve burned her up to have someone previously so trapped under her thumb rebel like this. She wasn’t moving from her seat, though.

I had to escalate. I had the upper hand, sure, but I knew if Tracy returned now she’d be going home with Audrey, even without the laced drink. Audrey needed to go now.

“I’ll- I’m going to call the cops, Audrey. Leave.” I struggled through my threat, not able to look Audrey in the eyes anymore. I had basked in my small victory enough, it was time to follow through. 

Audrey smelled blood. She hadn’t been nursing her pride before, she was steeling herself. She was waiting for a gap in the armor. The unfortunate part was that she was intimately familiar with each and every one of them. She was a true duelist. This time, she knew she could stab me in the guilt.

“What will you tell them, honey?” Audrey’s brow furrowed sarcastically. I could tell she had regained her footing. That terrified me. “That your ex-girlfriend has been drugging girls at the bar under your watch? That you’ve been letting me get away with it?”

Each question hit me like a ton of bricks. I knew I had fucked up, but having it laid bare before me set my mind ablaze. The vague silhouettes of four victims I wasn’t strong enough to save tugged at the edge of my vision. Audrey was right. I had let it happen. Just because I was trapped in some psychosexual bullshit with my ex. I had still been letting her control me, even if it was indirectly.

She must’ve noticed me reeling, because she kept up her advance.

“The cops might buy whatever bullshit excuse you can come up with, but I know your boss won’t. How could you ever be trusted to serve drinks again?” She was cocking her head, eyeing me like the predator she was. Her gaze felt like a needle through my soul. “Oh, you need this job to get through college, don’t you?” She placed mocking contempt on the word “college”, making clear her thoughts on my further education hadn’t changed.

Regardless, her words still rang true. I felt myself, as I had been trained to do for years, shift the blame from Audrey to me. It was my fault. This new truth was calcifying in my mind, paralyzing me with my own sin. No absolution would come, even if I did report Audrey.

I felt myself unraveling. I knew I had to get away. Audrey had a way of making me feel forgiven when I was guilty. The easing of the burdens in my mind was always a tactic she employed to get me falling back into her arms. I couldn’t let her work me like that again. At the very least I could try to save-

Tracy stumbled back from out of my vision and hurriedly climbed her stool to regain her spot next to Audrey. The girl’s button up white shirt contrasted with her face, dyed a burning red by her blood alcohol content. Between that, the cardigan, and the slacks, it seemed like she worked some cushy professional job right out of college. I knew Audrey would have a complex about that, which would only serve to put Tracy in more danger.

Audrey seemed to finally realize she was still holding her pill fob, because she pulled Tracy in by the collar for a deep kiss. Her other arm seized the opportunity, and retrieved a small tablet from the container and dropped it in the drink. The bubbles started immediately. 

I wasn’t sure which event to be more stunned by. Even as I had believed I had gotten over Audrey romantically, it was hard to ignore three years of programming when I saw her kissing another girl. My stomach turned. I was gritting my teeth. I wasn’t angry or jealous per se. It just swelled up memories of being not just a girl in Audrey’s gallery, but the girl. Before, seeing her kiss others felt like watching my warlord get exactly what she deserved. Now, I was on the outside looking in. I could hear her shoving her tongue down Tracy’s throat.

The drink accepted the pill Audrey had forced into it. A small bubbling thankfully stole my attention away from the kiss, long enough to see the tablet dissolve at the bottom of the Long Island iced tea. I could pour it out, replace it with a new one. No one gets hurt, I don’t need to get Audrey arrested, no one needs to find out. My feet felt more glued than usual to the sticky floor. 

My eyes couldn’t keep traveling back up to the kiss. My cheeks burned. My fists clenched.

Then, Audrey looked at me.

She let her right eye cheat open and I could see her gaze piercing my very being. She could tell I was staring. She didn’t care what I was thinking, just that it was about her. 

Audrey returned her attention to Tracy, eventually releasing her from her grasp, at least physically. A string of drool hung from Tracy’s tongue. She seemed to be in pure rapture. I was in hell. Audrey was doing just fine.

“Another whiskey, please.” She raised her short, empty glass to me. “Same one.”

I felt cracks start to form in my soul. I was certain Audrey had done all of that to try to hurt me and didn’t even give me verbal acknowledgement about any of it. Audrey’s repertoire of ways to torture lovers had never included neglect. I wasn’t part of her harem anymore. I wasn’t part of her world anymore. 

I was just the bartender.

“And we’ll both close out, too.” Audrey said authoritatively.

Tracy, face beet red, was obliviously sipping her spiked beverage through a straw.

“O-okay,” I stammered, taking the glass in one trembling hand.

The role I had been cast in took hold. I robotically poured another drink for Audrey, and closed out both of their tabs as if they had been any other patron. I even slid receipts to both of them, before ducking back to the other side of the bar. 

Tracy leaned on Audrey more and more, and her words crept from slurred into unintelligible territory as she downed the concoction I had inadvertently crafted with Audrey. Audrey threw back her whiskey, and as soon as she heard Tracy’s straw sucking air through it, she helped the girl up.

“Coming back to my place? Just around the corner.” Audrey said, stabilizing arm around the younger girl’s waist.

“Your… place,” Tracy vacantly echoed. Her eyes looked dim, in contrast to their perky cerulean from the beginning of the evening. “Yeah, I- yeah?” She looked up at Audrey’s face for approval, unsure of what was being said but needing desperately to know she was doing well.

Audrey stifled a chuckle. “Let’s go.”

Every step they took closer to the door felt like a dagger to my confidence. The knots of guilt were tightening deep within my soul. Restless butterflies fluttered in my stomach, reeling from disgust and a sticky feeling of desire. I reached my hand out futilely, and watched the two figures disappear into the night.

My hands felt stained. I zoned out running them under the hot water of the bar sink, but none of the blood washed off. Another order snapped me from my daze.

A patron must’ve noticed my harrowed eyes, or that I was even more pale than usual. He offered to buy me a drink, which I thought was a really clumsy move to try to flirt with a bartender. I was way beyond caring. I fixed myself a rum and coke and dutifully put it on his tab. I could barely taste the cola.

I don’t think the guy got what he wanted from buying me a drink, because after I didn’t say a word to him for the next thirty minutes, he got up and left. As per bar policy, I applied a 20% tip to his unclosed tab.

His actions, unfortunately, did leave the door open for me to drink more. Throughout the last hours of the shift, I kept returning to the well, and eventually ditched mixing anything to begin with. I never drank at work, but my shattered confidence needed its elixir. I let my excuses wash over me. I felt my face flush. I lost count of the shots.

I did my last call about thirty minutes early. The bar would live. I don’t think I could make it to the real end of my shift.

My mind was drowning with anger, regret, and rum. The knots in my chest only grew tighter with more liquor. I should’ve stopped them from leaving. I could’ve saved Tracy. I wasn’t strong enough.

It was eating away at me. I couldn’t stop looking at that half-drank bottle of whiskey. It felt like Audrey’s perfume was stuck to me, only furthering my ire. I wiped the sweat from my forehead when I closed out the last tab. 

I let my temper flare. That bitch really thought I’d take this lying down? I’d watch her take a fifth victim from my bar, openly presenting to me that she intended to violate her consent, and not fight back? She really bought into her own bullshit that much?

My drunken brain settled on a smug self-satisfaction that I hadn’t let my BDSM dynamics run my life like Audrey had. People liked me for who I was, not just what I could provide like her entourage.

Only, not very many people liked me, did they? I had struggled to make friends or attain fulfillment in the two years since I had left Audrey. The hollowed out shell of a person she left me as had made it difficult to re-integrate into society. That’s the problem with a three-year dopamine binge. Nothing could bring me the satisfaction I craved.

I clenched my fists. It may have been a drunken delusion, but finally standing up to her could be the first building block in making myself whole. I’d march into her lair and carry Tracy out myself if I had to. I didn’t know the girl, but I knew what she represented to me.

One more shot of liquid courage before closing the bar up, and suddenly I was outside in frigidity I couldn’t feel. The biting wind beat against my already-burning face. It didn’t matter. I’d go through hell to get my life back.

I knew the place all too well. Under normal circumstances, the unassuming townhome looked straight-up cozy from the outside. The brownstone was one Audrey and I had originally toured together, and quickly moved into during the first year of our relationship. Far too many memories, as well as holes in those memories, lived in this former home of mine. 

I had since downgraded to a studio apartment.

I couldn’t even settle on what I was most mad about, or which of my strings had been plucked the hardest that night. I just knew I had to do this to exorcise my demons. The liquor flowed through my blood like qi. Audrey postured as if she was tough, but crazy beats big every day of the week. She had made me crazy, and I was going to be her worst nightmare.

I took a deep inhale, focusing on the breathing exercises I had learned in therapy. The fog off my breath trailed away, and I knew putting this off any longer would just be giving myself an excuse to back down.

I rushed up the steps, and in my stupor actually reached for my old keys on my waistband. Obviously, they had no longer been there. I contemplated my options for getting in, the green wooden door leering over me. In a moment of reckless optimism, I tried the door handle.

I stumbled into my old home. It was dark, and much less well-kempt than when I was serving as Audrey’s live-in maid. Dim fairy lights struggled to illuminate the entryway and living room to the right. The walls were lined by dark tapestries with moon phases and other celestial or witchy adornments. 

The place had a heavy scent of weed and incense. That wasn't new, but that was the problem. The familiar mixture in the atmosphere of the home I once knew hit me like a runaway freight train. It flooded me with memories I had tried to forget, no matter how pleasurable they were in the moment. Everything suddenly felt more real to my brain, still reeling from my binge drinking earlier. 

I quickly scanned the living room, missing the warm embrace of our old couch. The coffee table was replete with beer cans and marijuana paraphernalia. I had barely smoked since I had escaped, as even a light high had me falling into old thoughts and feelings. The association with Audrey’s conditioning was too strong. I felt a pang of missing how much that old habit would take the edge off, or soften my mind up for new ideas to be forced onto me. I almost felt myself longing for grinding her flower and packing her bowls. Almost.

Shaking myself free from the quicksand of my history here, I hurried up the stairs when I confirmed no one was on the lower level. I tried my best to be quiet in my rush, but stairs are quite difficult when you're over-imbibed. I came to the closed door of Audrey and I’s formerly shared bedroom. I knew she would've dragged Tracy in there. Without giving myself a chance to think, I barged in.

The air was heavy, saturated with the scent of sex. The sound of low industrial music did little to drown out the dull groans I could hear. The room was dark except for some deep red lighting, courtesy of some accent lamps in the corners. On the king-sized bed, I saw the familiar and terrifying jade eyes staring me down. No surprise entered Audrey’s expression. She had been expecting me.

On her lap, also facing me, was Tracy, eyes lidded and mouth being intruded by the two fingers whose nails Audrey kept dull. It was almost impossible to imagine that I had seen this girl sheepishly order from me like it was her first drink ever only a few hours ago. Her slacks were missing, and her wrenched open button-up did little to conceal her lace bra or pink panties. I couldn’t tell how lucid she was from where I stood. My heart was pounding.

“At last,” Audrey finally broke the relative silence without pausing her treatment of Tracy for even a moment, “welcome home.”

Part of me wanted to lean into Audrey’s words, and let my muscles relax at the sound of her voice as they had been trained to do. I couldn’t let that part win.

“Yeah I won’t be here long,” I hoped I was puffing my chest out in defiance enough, “put Tracy down and I’m going to take her to get help.”

“Oh, so you know her?” Audrey probed. “It didn’t seem like you two were friends, but,” she plunged her fingers deeper into Tracy, whose throat complied with just a small sputter, “that certainly makes this more rewarding. I understand why you’d want to warn her, now.”

“I don’t know her, I know you.” My fists clenched, “No more of this, leave me alone and let her go.” It felt like my cadence was a dam buckling under the pressure of a flood of rum.

“Oh my fucking god, are you drunk?” Audrey pretended to fight back her smile, “No wonder you think you can come into my house and bark orders at me.” She could practically taste the blood in the water. And it was her favorite brand.

Even the slight pushback to my defiance rattled me. Audrey made being authoritative look so easy, my drunk confidence thought I’d be able to just assert myself like she did.

“Shut up! I knew she’d need help.” I shot back, trying to prevent my voice from wavering like my spirit.

“You expect me to believe you got yourself all liquored up to come rescue this girl you’ve barely met?” Audrey almost looked embarrassed for me. “Besides, she’s having a great time, aren’t you, sweetie?” 

“Mmmf,” was the only response out of Tracy. She clearly didn’t even know what was happening, or that a serious confrontation was happening around her. Her mind was purely focused on the bliss it was being baptized in. 

My thighs clenched from seeing a girl so enraptured by pleasure and drugged like this by Audrey. This must’ve been what I looked like back then.

“See? She loves it,” Audrey said definitively, “you, of all people, should know how good she feels right now.”

“That was a long time ago, and I consented,” I spat back, desperate for any thread I could pull at to feel at all advantaged in this room, “she had no idea you put anything in her drink!”

“But you did. You didn’t stop it.” Her face twisted into a grin that again revealed those predatory canines. “Let me guess, the drinking was from your guilt of letting me get away with it again?”

Hot tears welled up in my eyes.

“You know what you did to me.” I hoped that I could at least appeal to whatever humanity Audrey had left. It was a grave miscalculation.

“Please, do you really think I need to be drugging girls?” Audrey motioned to herself, letting her self-evident beauty do the elaboration. “No. What I needed was for you to see how weak you were.”

My heart was caught between sinking and soaring at the revelation that Audrey had been doing all of this for me. I had to stamp it back down and remain in control.

“Y-you’re fucked up. I left you for real, this isn’t some kink bullshit of yours-”

“Oh is that what you think this is?” Audrey hissed. I nearly yelped from how suddenly she had interrupted me. My hijacked instincts begged for me to back down. I had to power through.

“Yes! You’re hurting people just to prove some fucking BDSM point about how I’m weaker than you. This shit isn’t real!”

“Ok. Come get her.” Audrey cut me off again, this time with a more measured, resigned tone. She lifted Tracy from her lap and laid her on the bed. 

I couldn’t believe it. I had finally talked her down, made her realize her delusions of grandeur were exactly that. I was flying high on the idea that I finally managed to wrench control back from the woman who’s been tormenting me for over five years. My heart was pounding out of my chest, but I decided to seize this opportunity to at least get Tracy to safety. With faux-confidence, I strode to the other side of the room, beside the bed that I was only a short time removed from sleeping in. Audrey’s eyes stalked me.

I looked down at the bed and was able to see Tracy with much more clarity. With just her undone shirt and panties, there was no hiding the absolute canvas Audrey had made of her. Her porcelain skin was marred by bites and impact bruises, and fresh filigree scratched into her soft thighs. Tracy’s eyes were fluttering, and I couldn’t tell if she was struggling to wake up or was sinking deeper. Though not fully conscious, it seemed like she was in bliss, with a string of drool starting to spill out of the side of her lips. My heart betrayed me as I felt a pang of jealousy, knowing what it had felt like to be Audrey’s toy like that. Audrey’s favorite toy.

I continued to survey Tracy’s body, lying to myself by thinking I was monitoring her condition. She looked so soft, and I wondered how much of Audrey’s treatment she would’ve been able to take without whatever Audrey drugged her with. Less than me, I caught myself thinking. Fuck, I was dizzy from the liquor.

The girl’s pink panties were tight enough to betray a bulge with an impossibly hard, yet tiny, dick. Audrey always just so happened to choose girls who were... diminutive. I had always suspected it was due to one of her many superiority complexes. A darkened spot on the underwear showed Tracy was leaking like a faucet. I stopped myself from biting my lip. Even in her state of oblivion, the pleasure was undeniable. I wished we could switch spots.

As if Audrey detected my mutinous desires, a hand was suddenly around my neck. Audrey had stood up and was using it to push me to the wall. My body had no choice but to comply, and I felt my back slam against the wall. I recognized my survival instincts trying to ignite, but Audrey had emptied out all the lighter fluid years ago. All I could do was freeze. I fought desperately against my mind, trained responses flaring up to make me Audrey’s pliant doll again. I had worked so hard to be free.

“It’s not real, is it?” Audrey’s hot breath carried its usual aroma of weed and whiskey. It felt like having a lion breathe down my neck. “I’ll tell you what’s fucking real,” she looked down on me, eyes wide, “you let five girls get drugged on your watch. You saw it happen to each and every one of them.”

I could only whimper. I couldn’t tell how tight her grip was around my throat. It didn’t matter. Her hand being there meant what it had always meant. She pressed her knee into my crotch. 

“You know why?” She asked.

I thought I did. It was because she had conditioned me to never stand up to her. Because she made me afraid of her. Because I had been caught up in her stupid power struggle, because-

She leaned in, deep garnet lips right alongside my ear. The hair on my arms was raised from the close sound of her breath.

“Because you fucking liked it.”

I thought I knew why I hadn’t taken action. I thought I could put the blame solely on Audrey. But with one declaration, she had rewritten my truth. My legs were buckling, but she was holding me up with her weight, pinning me to the wall.

So much of my programming was being unearthed that I nearly got nauseous from the whiplash. I felt my brain desperate, scrambling for excuses to allow itself to fall back into the role that would provide the least resistance. I knew this was my last chance.

I couldn’t go back. I couldn’t go back to being drugged, not seeing friends, living under her thumb. Being her pet, her doll, her doting housewife covered in bruises. I felt myself getting hard against her knee.

“N-no I didn’t!” I stammered out, a hail mary that I could practically feel Audrey shrug off. Her hand tightened. The grip of the side of me that wanted to agree with her tightened, too.

Her other hand came down on my cheek, hard. She had slapped me before, but I must’ve lost my sea legs in my two years away. The impact and lasting sting completely interrupted my train of thought, by design. 

“Liar.” She rubbed the cheek she slapped tenderly with the back of her hand. It was cool to the touch and almost eased the pain. “Poor thing, you know I can’t stand when you lie.” 

“No,” she continued, knowing she alone held the floor, “you love watching me conquer. You love seeing me get exactly what I deserve.” There was no room for argument, and I flinched when she raised a hand, just for her to adjust her hair with it. “You can try to leave me, but you can’t leave your own desires, honey.”

The words landed even harder than the slap. Was she right? There was a time where I loved watching her on the hunt, taking back a girl to our place and working with Audrey to give the girl the night of her life. But, that had all ended two years ago, right? The angst and pain I got from seeing Audrey drug girls at my bar wasn’t anything like that, right? It seemed like she had all the answers.

My eyes flicked over to Tracy on the bed for just a moment. I could practically see the blood dripping from Audrey’s canines when she noticed.

“Ah, so you were jealous, weren’t you? Always hoping you’d be the next target?” Audrey asked questions, but knew I knew she didn’t want answers.

But, I wasn’t jealous. Something about that felt wrong. Everything felt wrong. But, through my drunk and broken perception, Audrey’s voice felt right.

“Aw, honey,” Audrey cooed, proud of her own cruelty, “you probably feel so strange having this strong desire towards your ex. But we can fix that.”

I whimpered again. It felt like my feet and mind were in quicksand. I tried to fight the feeling of being pulled back in as inevitable. She pushed her knee harder against my dick.

“You’re seriously such a loser. You’re getting hard from this?” Audrey’s switches from hot to cold were too much for my liquor-addled brain. “You really have nothing going on on a Saturday night, so you just had to follow me back here. Tell me, how many friends have you made? How much does that shitty job pay you?”

I didn’t bother searching for the answers. I knew it’d only make things worse.

“I think you’re really here to beg for my forgiveness. You want to be back here, under my rule.” Audrey spoke with such authority that it was hard to not internalize her words. “Think about it, you want to go back to your ‘freedom’? Listless, alone, starved for pleasure?”

That couldn't be right. It was true, life had been harder alone, but I had so much to look forward to, like…

Like…

I couldn't tell if I was too nervous to think about life outside of this room, or if she really was right about me. The small bit of doubt that crept in was all that was needed to pry myself open and let Audrey’s words envelope me. 

I was horrified, feeling my fear response shift from freeze to fawn. The rational part of my brain knew that giving Audrey what she wanted would only let her tighten her grasp on my mind. Her iron grip. Her warm embrace.

Her pathways were already trodden. Two years wasn't enough time to rid myself of the conditioning that turned me into her desperate, helpless pet. She took our love and intimacy and turned it into the strings to puppeteer me with. I was a slave to my desires. She knew how to make herself my only desire.

“Ghh,” was all I could manage as my thoughts started to melt away. Guilt, shame, love, fear, and lust created a potent brew that I couldn't help but drink up. 

“Pathetic.” Audrey pulled my arm, and with her strength I was sent stumbling to the other side of the room, landing on the side of my knees. I couldn't tell if I ended up in front of the mirror through sheer luck, or if she had calculated the angle to force me to watch what happened next.

The whiplash and stumble made me dizzy, as my boozed mind tried to catch up. By the time I could figure out which way was down, I felt her claws on either side of my face, from behind. She oriented me towards the mirror, and I saw myself as a mess. Drunk, bleary eyes on the verge of tears. Face reddened from the adrenaline and the slap. Quivering lips.

One of her hands pulled away, and the other tightened to compensate. She knew I wouldn't move anyway. She produced another one of those white pills and angled my head upwards. 

“Open.” Audrey commanded. 

I thought of the girls who I had subject to this fate. If Audrey had me, maybe she'd stop preying on the innocent. I deserved this for what I had done.

I opened my mouth, partially exposing my tongue. Drool was nearly spilling out from my subconscious burning desire. I was ready for my communion.

I deserved this. I let her place the pill on my tongue. I let the bitter taste dissolve as I was forced to process the image of myself letting my ex drug me. It was the most lucid I’d ever be for a decision again.

Audrey looked resplendent. I was in awe of the woman who could make me crave her abuse so much to come crawling back to her. I always loved seeing her victorious, and the part of me that I thought died two years ago was giddy at seeing Audrey reclaim such defiant prey.

Her green eyes were beautiful, even in the low-lit room through the mirror. I heard her voice behind me, but felt it in every direction.

“My sweet girl. You need me. Look at yourself,” Audrey’s tone was honeyed, which just let her words cut more tender areas. “Absolute mess. You need purpose. Direction.” The drug hadn't kicked in yet, but Audrey’s words were melting me all the same. She knew exactly what insecurities to harp on to make me rely on her.

“I can unfortunately see now that I was too lenient on you,” Audrey purred, “this time, I’ll make sure you keep your priorities in order.” Her hand on my face was warm, and the heat radiated across my body.

“Say you want this.” Audrey commanded.

“I’m s-sorry,” I stammered. She felt like a giant looming over me.

“Your apologies will come later. Say you want to be my pet. Consent.”

“P-please no.” I was almost sobbing.

“Last chance, else you can go back to that life of yours, and you’ll never see me again.” Audrey was keenly aware of her power, and directly weighed what I thought I wanted for two years against the pleasure that submitting to her would bring. “Consent.”

The balance was off. The desire was always going to win. Maybe there was no scale to begin with, and there was simply no comparison between Audrey and my own freedom. She knew how much I needed it. She knew me better than I did. She knew best. The dam broke.

“Yes Mistress!” I heard before I could think it. “I consent, I’m your pet, I’m sorry!” 

Finally giving in revealed the truth to me. I had been pent up for two years. I had gotten off in that time, of course, but this was true release on a spiritual level. I was addicted to Her, and finally getting my fix. She would make sure this relapse was permanent.

“Good girl.” Her low voice right next to my ear was hair-raising. Even such a simple, common phrase carried so much more weight behind it when She was the one wielding it. I felt myself melting as the praise ran through me like electricity. The room started spinning, and it was getting harder to see. 

The concept of time slipped away from me, and I started simply experiencing moments as they came. I could hardly keep myself upright anymore, but still lifted my hair to allow Her to slide my collar back on, just as I had been trained. Just flashes of my submission followed.

I saw Audrey comparing our womanhoods. The difference was befitting a warlord and Her twice-conquered princess. “Easiest reminder of your place there is,” I heard.

My face was shoved in Audrey’s armpit. She had told me it was to refamiliarize me with Her scent. My mistress giggled at my desperate huffing, and impossible to hide excitement. She had stripped all shame from me. I was just thrilled to be the keystone in Her harem once more.

Warmth enveloped my cock, and I looked down to see Her hand from behind, softly and gently stroking it. It took everything I had to not finish on the spot. She knew how to please me better than even I did. My drug-addled brain once again seemed to be connecting my pleasure synapses with submission to Her. Her hand would make sure of that.

I groaned in ecstasy. It felt incredible to return to Her. She was right all along. I was getting close, and I knew She could tell.

I felt Her grab my left hand, and the sensation of cool metal on my finger. I looked down. A silver ring. My brain was having a hard time processing what the meaning of the object was, so I just looked up at Audrey in the mirror. Her bloodthirsty grins were starting to look warm and caring again. My mascara was running, and I was proud of the work She’d done to me.

She must’ve noticed my lack of understanding, so She was gracious enough to explain, pausing Her divine handjob. I whined in response.

“You will be my wife. You’re never going to get away from me, understand?” 

I dully smiled and nodded. “Wife” sounded good. I wouldn’t have to think about the ramifications, because I knew to just let Audrey take the wheel. She was so smart. I was so close.

“Say yes.”

“Yeshh…” I drooled.

Her hand sped back up. Her eyes lit up in a fervor I’d never seen before. 

“Good girl. You’re nothing without me.” 

My legs twitched.

“I’ll never let you go. I’ll make sure you forever regret trying to leave me.”

My brain was putty in Her skillful hands. I let it soak in whatever She wanted it to. A weak target rendered even weaker just from a hand around my dick. I just needed it so bad.

“You’re a fucking loser, but that’s okay because I love you. I’m the only one that can, like this. You’ll be my wife. Say you love me.”

“I-I c-ca-” I tried and failed.

“Say it!”

“I…I love you!” And it was so. Every muscle in my body felt like it tightened. I was seeing stars. I saw Her eyes in the mirror light up in wretched triumph. In an instant, the thin, watery shame and regret drooled from my cock, leaving a useless puddle on the floor. I collapsed backwards into Her, twitching.

She was right. I loved Her. I love Her.

She kissed the top of my head, and held me close.

“Mine.” I heard Her say, before my lucidity was washed away.

I was woken up minutes later, still in the afterglow and still absolutely drugged out of my mind. Audrey needed my fingerprint to unlock my phone. “I’m calling Tracy a car.” I believed Her.

I felt a pen in my hand, mind still completely obliterated. “Just sign it. You want to.” I believed Her.

I was just grateful to be Her’s again.

I returned to my job like normal, happily dazed and fulfilled once more. I even started taking Saturday night shifts. It was nice letting Audrey set up all my socializing, it’s been so much less stressful and I know no one will lead me astray again. That girl from my first stint in college was “concerned about me”, so she came looking for me at the bar. 

She didn’t like that I was back with Audrey, but I think people just don’t see Her for Her true benevolent self. She even let me keep my job!

I could help though. I could make them all see.

I idly fiddled with the vial in my pocket. I rotated the ring on my finger a few times. The fresh tattoo on my lower back, a caged dove, radiated a satisfying soreness. I was endlessly grateful for the opportunities I was getting to earn Audrey’s trust and respect back. Another lonely girl sat down at the end of the bar.

Liquid LSD is odorless and colorless. It was a new recommendation from me for Audrey’s process. Dominating a girl’s body was one thing, I needed to see Audrey dominate their mind. I wanted Her to leave Her mark on them, just as She had me. I poured a few drops from the vial into the drink I was making for the girl at the end of the bar. 

I was the bartender. I was Her bartender. Audrey would arrive to hunt at 10 PM.