HypnospacePsychonaut: Okay let's sayHypnospacePsychonaut: hypotheticallyHypnospacePsychonaut: that I had changed my mind about somethingHypnospacePsychonaut: something which i had previously been very insistent aboutHypnospacePsychonaut: (to the point of getting kinda pressed about it with y'all)HypnospacePsychonaut: and I wanted to avoid hearing "lmao told you so" an infinite number of timesKnifeWretch: I'm sorry have you met usZeroBird: Have to say the prognosis is unlikelyktspace87: ehhhhh no can do bossJesstrogen: things that aren't happening: 1. thatOphidian_Solace: "Unethical and Shocking: she was forced to endure the consequences of the actions that she took."HypnospacePsychonaut: I stg you are all insufferable
Close your eyes. Breathe in through your nose. Hold the breath for the count of 1... 2... 3... 4... 5.
Purse your lips and exhale through your mouth.
HypnospacePsychonaut: SoHypnospacePsychonaut: I had not planned to mix these two aspects of my life very muchHypnospacePsychonaut: because I didn't really see a need toHypnospacePsychonaut: but plans make fools of us allKnifeWretch: Damn it is so painfully transparent when you're stalling for timeHypnospacePsychonaut: But I've talked about you guys a bunch to LucasHypnospacePsychonaut: And he seems interested in meeting other dreamwalkersHypnospacePsychonaut: So who would like to meet LucasJesstrogen: lmao told you soktspace87: lmao told you soZeroBird: lmao told you soOphidian_Solace: "lmao told you so"HypnospacePsychonaut: Val? Wanna complete the set?KnifeWretch: Nah you can just assume mine was implied
Breathe in through your nose. Hold the breath for the count of 1... 2... 3... 4... 5.
Purse your lips and exhale through your mouth.
Let your breathing fall into this rhythm. In through your nose, holding for the count of 5, out through your pursed lips.
Jesstrogen: so when are we holding the polycule induction ceremony?HypnospacePsychonaut: I must stress, once again, we are not expanding the culeHypnospacePsychonaut: dealing with five of you is tough enoughHypnospacePsychonaut: I simply think it would be good for Lucas to meet youktspace87: okay but why specifically us thoughktspace87: youve taught people outside the cule to dreamwalk and lucid dream and we didnt meet themHypnospacePsychonaut: Yes but he has context for you guys because I've talked about youktspace87: are you worried that well get jealousktspace87: like its okay for you to have people outside the culektspace87: you know im fuckin like six people none of you have ever met and im dating two of them rightJesstrogen: wait only two?ktspace87: yeah gabby and me are no longer a thing cuz i said marx offered no solutions for lgbtq liberationktspace87: and she called me a petty burgewaz neolib counter revolutionary sabotur or somethktspace87: like i guess i could kinda see me and her maybe werent gonna vibe long-termktspace87: i just wish i hadnt said it before shed finished suckin me
I'm going to ask you to picture something in your mind now. Continuing your breathing, picture them one at a time.
In through your nose, and hold. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Out through your mouth.
I want you to imagine a boat, floating on a perfectly calm, blue sea under a clear blue sky. The boat can look however you want it to look. It can be big like a cruise liner, or small like a canoe. It can be old like a sailing ship, or new like a yacht. It can even be an odd shape like a catamaran, if that's what you find easiest to picture.
The ocean is perfectly calm. There are no clouds in the sky, and no wind to disturb the surface of the water. The water is so still and calm that you can see a perfect reflection of the boat in the water, like it was floating on a mirror.
Continue your breathing. In through your nose, and hold. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Out through your mouth.
Now, I want you to gently tilt the boat, so that it leans to one side in a smooth motion that does not disturb the water. You might not be able to move the boat without disturbing the water on the first try, and that's okay. I'm going to give you a minute to practice tilting the boat without disturbing the water.
In through your nose, and hold. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Out through your mouth.
Now, I want you to shift your perspective until you're floating high above the boat, looking down on it as it floats serenely on the mirror-smooth sea. You should be able to see the whole boat from above.
Very gently, turn the boat so that it spins clockwise. It will disturb the water, but that's alright this time. Watch the perfect spiral of the wave expand as it passes outwards across the mirror-smooth sea.
HypnospacePsychonaut: I am not dating or fucking LucasHypnospacePsychonaut: And I don't see that changingHypnospacePsychonaut: we never even met in personHypnospacePsychonaut: I told y'all I just met him while free-associatingHypnospacePsychonaut: he had some shit going onHypnospacePsychonaut: and I felt like giving him some pointers on lucid dreaming would help with itKnifeWretch: Okay but you were out cold an entire dayKnifeWretch: Which I'm not gonna lie was one of THE scariest moments of my lifeKnifeWretch: And it's been three weeks and we just have not talked about itKnifeWretch: If you're keeping stuff in confidence for someone that's your callKnifeWretch: But forgive me for getting tough hereKnifeWretch: We have a right to know why you were COMATOSEKnifeWretch: And why immediately afterwards you're spending a ton of time with this dude
Now we're going to imagine something just a little more concerning, so I want you to keep breathing. In through your nose, and hold. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Out through your mouth.
Moving your view of the boat back down to the side, I want you to imagine the sky full of clouds, and the ocean choppy, grey and full of waves. The boat will be tossed on the waves, riding each one up and down. There might be white foam and spray as the waves fall back down to the surface of the ocean. This might be a little bit scary, but just keep breathing. In through your nose, and hold. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Out through your mouth.
Keep your boat upright, always riding the sea up and down no matter how tall the crests of its waves are. This might take a little practice, but you're safe here. In through your nose, and hold. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Out through your mouth.
ktspace87: yeah vals rightJesstrogen: we were freaking out, val didn't know whether to call an ambulanceZeroBird: thirdedOphidian_Solace: Fourthed. It was pretty awful.
You are the boat, and the ocean is your surroundings.
HypnospacePsychonaut: Okay fineHypnospacePsychonaut: Don't make me regret thisHypnospacePsychonaut: I free-associated into his dreams, which without going into detail were Not Happy DreamsHypnospacePsychonaut: Accidentally woke him upHypnospacePsychonaut: But I didn't fall into The Void like usualHypnospacePsychonaut: Instead I got stuck in his waking consciousnessKnifeWretch: What the fuckHypnospacePsychonaut: THAT'S why you couldn't wake me up, because there was no consciousness available to inhabit my bodyHypnospacePsychonaut: It was trapped in his, and I couldn't leave
When you are calm, it is because the sea is calm beneath your boat and there are no clouds in the sky.
HypnospacePsychonaut: I tried to persuade him go to sleep, but I was freaking out and just made the situation worseHypnospacePsychonaut: He thought I was an intrusive thought trying to make him have bad dreams again, and froze me out of his consciousnessHypnospacePsychonaut: Then mainlined energy drinks and coffee the whole day to try and stay awakeHypnospacePsychonaut: I only managed to talk to him on better terms after he got hella tiredHypnospacePsychonaut: Which was nighttime in England
When you are tense, when you are stressed, it is because the sea is choppy and the sky has filled with stormclouds.
Jesstrogen: wait so you got trapped in this dude's mind and you KEEP GOING BACKJesstrogen: myrrah what the fuckHypnospacePsychonaut: It wasn't his faultJesstrogen: gfdi myrrah i don't care whose FAULT it is, i want to know WHYJesstrogen: and like how do you know? how do you know it wasn't his fault? what if he did it on purposeHypnospacePsychonaut: Bruh he's a rando dude from London he's not some kind of evil mastermind brain kidnapperOphidian_Solace: Excuse me, but just for the sake of argument, how would you know that? There's still an infinite number of things we don't know about dreamwalking.Ophidian_Solace: You can't be the only one who's ever had this ability, and if you can teach others to do it, then who says other people haven't learnt?Ophidian_Solace: We have no idea what sort of things are possible, or who's out there with what sort of capabilities.Ophidian_Solace: It feels like you're taking an absolutely huge risk associating with this guy.HypnospacePsychonaut: He's not like that.KnifeWretch: How would you know?HypnospacePsychonaut: BECAUSE I LIVED THROUGH HIS WORST MEMORIES
It's very important to keep breathing. In through your nose, and hold. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Out through your mouth.
HypnospacePsychonaut: After he froze me out I couldn't see what he was doing in the real world anymoreHypnospacePsychonaut: He cut me off from his sensoriumHypnospacePsychonaut: And I was trapped watching what he was obsessing overHypnospacePsychonaut: I spent nearly fifteen hours watching this poor boy's lifeHypnospacePsychonaut: All the worst bits, because that's what he was fixated onHypnospacePsychonaut: I felt like an intruder, watching all his lowest moments without his knowledgeHypnospacePsychonaut: I feel like I violated himHypnospacePsychonaut: I was a party to his misery he never had a chance to consent toHypnospacePsychonaut: I haven't had the courage to tell him, because I'm worried he'll hate meHypnospacePsychonaut: And I won't have the chance to make his life better than it is
Unlike in the image we've created in our minds, we can't control the waves on the sea or the stormclouds in the sky.
ZeroBird: Shit, Myrrahktspace87: holy fuckJesstrogen: christ that's... a lotHypnospacePsychonaut: He's not evil, he's not plotting something, he's just HURT!HypnospacePsychonaut: And gods, fuck, I wish I didn't know that for sure!HypnospacePsychonaut: I don't DESERVE to know that for sure!HypnospacePsychonaut: Because the way I know it is so... WRONG!
But in just the same way that you can keep your boat upright no matter how tall the waves get, you can control how you react to your surroundings.
HypnospacePsychonaut: I should not have held out on you about thisHypnospacePsychonaut: That's my bad, you all deserved to know what happened to me and whyHypnospacePsychonaut: My duties to you should come before anything elseHypnospacePsychonaut: I just didn't want you to hate him for what happenedHypnospacePsychonaut: Or for his confidence to be violated more than it already hasHypnospacePsychonaut: But that's not an excuseHypnospacePsychonaut: I shouldn't have kept that from you, and I am truly sorryJesstrogen: i forgive youktspace87: cant say in a similar situation i wouldnt have done something similar tbhOphidian_Solace: Apology accepted. I know you'll do better next time.KnifeWretch: I justKnifeWretch: BabeKnifeWretch: FuckKnifeWretch: You just don't give up on people, do you
Whenever you feel stressed by the things that are happening around you, whenever you feel tense or uncertain, I want you to remember this phrase.
HypnospacePsychonaut: Maybe you guys are right, maybe it's a bad idea to introduce him to y'allOphidian_Solace: Excuse me, but I don't think any of us ever actually said that.Ophidian_Solace: In fact I think it might be more important than ever that we DO meet him.HypnospacePsychonaut: I don't want you to pre-judge him! Or make him feel like we know more about him than he thinksHypnospacePsychonaut: Or for him to feel ganged-up onHypnospacePsychonaut: He deserves better than to be inspected like some insect under glassKnifeWretch: Oooh new scene ideaHypnospacePsychonaut: VALKnifeWretch: Shutting up now
"I am the captain of my ship." Take a breath, in through your nose, hold for 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and say it out loud.
"I am the captain of my ship," Myrrah declared, trying to project a confidence she didn't feel.
You can't control the waves, but you can keep your ship upright in your mind.
"I am the captain of my ship." Take another breath, in through your nose, hold for 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and say it out loud.
"I am the captain of my ship," Myrrah repeated, a sharp tang of irritation creeping in.
"I am the captain of my ship." Take another breath, in through your nose, hold for-
"Fuck's sake," Myrrah growled, tearing off her headphones. She crawled over to the other side of the bed and grabbed her laptop. She pulled up Lucas' profile on Telemet, and began typing a message.
ktspace87: you have to tell himHypnospacePsychonaut: I don't know how he'd take itktspace87: look you once told me i couldnt just do nice things to make up for something badktspace87: i had to take responsibility for what i actually didHypnospacePsychonaut: He was so fragile when I found him, I'm worried I'd send him spiralling againHypnospacePsychonaut: And don't dare tell me that wouldn't be on meOphidian_Solace: If it had been me, I'd want to know.Ophidian_Solace: If you didn't have a right to see what you saw because it was a violation of his personal sovereignty, you definitely don't have a right to keep the knowledge that it happened from him.Ophidian_Solace: One of the truly fucked up things about the society we live in is that bad things can just happen, and there's no meaningful accountability or responsibility to let people know what actual damage was done.Ophidian_Solace: Because the gobshites with the power are too proud and cowardly to admit they could ever make mistakes or cause harm, even unintentionally and by accident.Ophidian_Solace: We have to be better.HypnospacePsychonaut: ... you're rightOphidian_Solace: Message him right now. He should still be awake, right?HypnospacePsychonaut: Yeah but I think I need some time to prepare first
HypnospacePsychonaut: so that about sums it upHypnospacePsychonaut: i cannot possibly apologise to you in a way that feels meaningful and genuine enoughHypnospacePsychonaut: but nonetheless i am truly sorryHypnospacePsychonaut: when i said i had no right to see what i saw, i meant it in a deeper way than i made clear at the timeHypnospacePsychonaut: i can understand if you don't want me to have any more contact with youHypnospacePsychonaut: but no matter what i promise that i will never speak of what i saw to anyoneAlternianDidact: No please, please don't go.AlternianDidact: God, I'm so sorry. You must hate me so much.HypnospacePsychonaut: ... i'm sorry what