Girl In Your Dreams

Meditative Exercise

by Cherry

Tags: #cw:depression #cw:gender_dysphoria #D/s #dom:female #hypnosis #transgender_characters #urban_fantasy #but_a_weird_sorta_furry #dom:nb #furry #like_mostly_how_real_life_furries_are #sub:female #sub:male #trans_egg

HypnospacePsychonaut: Okay let's say
HypnospacePsychonaut: hypothetically
HypnospacePsychonaut: that I had changed my mind about something
HypnospacePsychonaut: something which i had previously been very insistent about
HypnospacePsychonaut: (to the point of getting kinda pressed about it with y'all)
HypnospacePsychonaut: and I wanted to avoid hearing "lmao told you so" an infinite number of times
KnifeWretch: I'm sorry have you met us
ZeroBird: Have to say the prognosis is unlikely
ktspace87: ehhhhh no can do boss
Jesstrogen: things that aren't happening: 1. that
Ophidian_Solace: "Unethical and Shocking: she was forced to endure the consequences of the actions that she took."
HypnospacePsychonaut: I stg you are all insufferable
Close your eyes. Breathe in through your nose. Hold the breath for the count of 1... 2... 3... 4... 5.
Purse your lips and exhale through your mouth.
HypnospacePsychonaut: So
HypnospacePsychonaut: I had not planned to mix these two aspects of my life very much
HypnospacePsychonaut: because I didn't really see a need to
HypnospacePsychonaut: but plans make fools of us all
KnifeWretch: Damn it is so painfully transparent when you're stalling for time
HypnospacePsychonaut: But I've talked about you guys a bunch to Lucas
HypnospacePsychonaut: And he seems interested in meeting other dreamwalkers
HypnospacePsychonaut: So who would like to meet Lucas
Jesstrogen: lmao told you so
ktspace87: lmao told you so
ZeroBird: lmao told you so
Ophidian_Solace: "lmao told you so"
HypnospacePsychonaut: Val? Wanna complete the set?
KnifeWretch: Nah you can just assume mine was implied
Breathe in through your nose. Hold the breath for the count of 1... 2... 3... 4... 5.
Purse your lips and exhale through your mouth.
Let your breathing fall into this rhythm. In through your nose, holding for the count of 5, out through your pursed lips.
Jesstrogen: so when are we holding the polycule induction ceremony?
HypnospacePsychonaut: I must stress, once again, we are not expanding the cule
HypnospacePsychonaut: dealing with five of you is tough enough
HypnospacePsychonaut: I simply think it would be good for Lucas to meet you
ktspace87: okay but why specifically us though
ktspace87: youve taught people outside the cule to dreamwalk and lucid dream and we didnt meet them
HypnospacePsychonaut: Yes but he has context for you guys because I've talked about you
ktspace87: are you worried that well get jealous
ktspace87: like its okay for you to have people outside the cule
ktspace87: you know im fuckin like six people none of you have ever met and im dating two of them right
Jesstrogen: wait only two?
ktspace87: yeah gabby and me are no longer a thing cuz i said marx offered no solutions for lgbtq liberation
ktspace87: and she called me a petty burgewaz neolib counter revolutionary sabotur or someth
ktspace87: like i guess i could kinda see me and her maybe werent gonna vibe long-term
ktspace87: i just wish i hadnt said it before shed finished suckin me
I'm going to ask you to picture something in your mind now. Continuing your breathing, picture them one at a time.
In through your nose, and hold. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Out through your mouth.
I want you to imagine a boat, floating on a perfectly calm, blue sea under a clear blue sky. The boat can look however you want it to look. It can be big like a cruise liner, or small like a canoe. It can be old like a sailing ship, or new like a yacht. It can even be an odd shape like a catamaran, if that's what you find easiest to picture.
The ocean is perfectly calm. There are no clouds in the sky, and no wind to disturb the surface of the water. The water is so still and calm that you can see a perfect reflection of the boat in the water, like it was floating on a mirror.
Continue your breathing. In through your nose, and hold. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Out through your mouth.
Now, I want you to gently tilt the boat, so that it leans to one side in a smooth motion that does not disturb the water. You might not be able to move the boat without disturbing the water on the first try, and that's okay. I'm going to give you a minute to practice tilting the boat without disturbing the water.
In through your nose, and hold. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Out through your mouth.
Now, I want you to shift your perspective until you're floating high above the boat, looking down on it as it floats serenely on the mirror-smooth sea. You should be able to see the whole boat from above.
Very gently, turn the boat so that it spins clockwise. It will disturb the water, but that's alright this time. Watch the perfect spiral of the wave expand as it passes outwards across the mirror-smooth sea.
HypnospacePsychonaut: I am not dating or fucking Lucas
HypnospacePsychonaut: And I don't see that changing
HypnospacePsychonaut: we never even met in person
HypnospacePsychonaut: I told y'all I just met him while free-associating
HypnospacePsychonaut: he had some shit going on
HypnospacePsychonaut: and I felt like giving him some pointers on lucid dreaming would help with it
KnifeWretch: Okay but you were out cold an entire day
KnifeWretch: Which I'm not gonna lie was one of THE scariest moments of my life
KnifeWretch: And it's been three weeks and we just have not talked about it
KnifeWretch: If you're keeping stuff in confidence for someone that's your call
KnifeWretch: But forgive me for getting tough here
KnifeWretch: We have a right to know why you were COMATOSE
KnifeWretch: And why immediately afterwards you're spending a ton of time with this dude
Now we're going to imagine something just a little more concerning, so I want you to keep breathing. In through your nose, and hold. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Out through your mouth.
Moving your view of the boat back down to the side, I want you to imagine the sky full of clouds, and the ocean choppy, grey and full of waves. The boat will be tossed on the waves, riding each one up and down. There might be white foam and spray as the waves fall back down to the surface of the ocean. This might be a little bit scary, but just keep breathing. In through your nose, and hold. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Out through your mouth.
Keep your boat upright, always riding the sea up and down no matter how tall the crests of its waves are. This might take a little practice, but you're safe here. In through your nose, and hold. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Out through your mouth.
ktspace87: yeah vals right
Jesstrogen: we were freaking out, val didn't know whether to call an ambulance
ZeroBird: thirded
Ophidian_Solace: Fourthed. It was pretty awful.
You are the boat, and the ocean is your surroundings.
HypnospacePsychonaut: Okay fine
HypnospacePsychonaut: Don't make me regret this
HypnospacePsychonaut: I free-associated into his dreams, which without going into detail were Not Happy Dreams
HypnospacePsychonaut: Accidentally woke him up
HypnospacePsychonaut: But I didn't fall into The Void like usual
HypnospacePsychonaut: Instead I got stuck in his waking consciousness
KnifeWretch: What the fuck
HypnospacePsychonaut: THAT'S why you couldn't wake me up, because there was no consciousness available to inhabit my body
HypnospacePsychonaut: It was trapped in his, and I couldn't leave
When you are calm, it is because the sea is calm beneath your boat and there are no clouds in the sky.
HypnospacePsychonaut: I tried to persuade him go to sleep, but I was freaking out and just made the situation worse
HypnospacePsychonaut: He thought I was an intrusive thought trying to make him have bad dreams again, and froze me out of his consciousness
HypnospacePsychonaut: Then mainlined energy drinks and coffee the whole day to try and stay awake
HypnospacePsychonaut: I only managed to talk to him on better terms after he got hella tired
HypnospacePsychonaut: Which was nighttime in England
When you are tense, when you are stressed, it is because the sea is choppy and the sky has filled with stormclouds.
Jesstrogen: wait so you got trapped in this dude's mind and you KEEP GOING BACK
Jesstrogen: myrrah what the fuck
HypnospacePsychonaut: It wasn't his fault
Jesstrogen: gfdi myrrah i don't care whose FAULT it is, i want to know WHY
Jesstrogen: and like how do you know? how do you know it wasn't his fault? what if he did it on purpose
HypnospacePsychonaut: Bruh he's a rando dude from London he's not some kind of evil mastermind brain kidnapper
Ophidian_Solace: Excuse me, but just for the sake of argument, how would you know that? There's still an infinite number of things we don't know about dreamwalking.
Ophidian_Solace: You can't be the only one who's ever had this ability, and if you can teach others to do it, then who says other people haven't learnt?
Ophidian_Solace: We have no idea what sort of things are possible, or who's out there with what sort of capabilities.
Ophidian_Solace: It feels like you're taking an absolutely huge risk associating with this guy.
HypnospacePsychonaut: He's not like that.
KnifeWretch: How would you know?
It's very important to keep breathing. In through your nose, and hold. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. Out through your mouth.
HypnospacePsychonaut: After he froze me out I couldn't see what he was doing in the real world anymore
HypnospacePsychonaut: He cut me off from his sensorium
HypnospacePsychonaut: And I was trapped watching what he was obsessing over
HypnospacePsychonaut: I spent nearly fifteen hours watching this poor boy's life
HypnospacePsychonaut: All the worst bits, because that's what he was fixated on
HypnospacePsychonaut: I felt like an intruder, watching all his lowest moments without his knowledge
HypnospacePsychonaut: I feel like I violated him
HypnospacePsychonaut: I was a party to his misery he never had a chance to consent to
HypnospacePsychonaut: I haven't had the courage to tell him, because I'm worried he'll hate me
HypnospacePsychonaut: And I won't have the chance to make his life better than it is
Unlike in the image we've created in our minds, we can't control the waves on the sea or the stormclouds in the sky.
ZeroBird: Shit, Myrrah
ktspace87: holy fuck
Jesstrogen: christ that's... a lot
HypnospacePsychonaut: He's not evil, he's not plotting something, he's just HURT!
HypnospacePsychonaut: And gods, fuck, I wish I didn't know that for sure!
HypnospacePsychonaut: I don't DESERVE to know that for sure!
HypnospacePsychonaut: Because the way I know it is so... WRONG!
But in just the same way that you can keep your boat upright no matter how tall the waves get, you can control how you react to your surroundings.
HypnospacePsychonaut: I should not have held out on you about this
HypnospacePsychonaut: That's my bad, you all deserved to know what happened to me and why
HypnospacePsychonaut: My duties to you should come before anything else
HypnospacePsychonaut: I just didn't want you to hate him for what happened
HypnospacePsychonaut: Or for his confidence to be violated more than it already has
HypnospacePsychonaut: But that's not an excuse
HypnospacePsychonaut: I shouldn't have kept that from you, and I am truly sorry
Jesstrogen: i forgive you
ktspace87: cant say in a similar situation i wouldnt have done something similar tbh
Ophidian_Solace: Apology accepted. I know you'll do better next time.
KnifeWretch: I just
KnifeWretch: Babe
KnifeWretch: Fuck
KnifeWretch: You just don't give up on people, do you
Whenever you feel stressed by the things that are happening around you, whenever you feel tense or uncertain, I want you to remember this phrase.
HypnospacePsychonaut: Maybe you guys are right, maybe it's a bad idea to introduce him to y'all
Ophidian_Solace: Excuse me, but I don't think any of us ever actually said that.
Ophidian_Solace: In fact I think it might be more important than ever that we DO meet him.
HypnospacePsychonaut: I don't want you to pre-judge him! Or make him feel like we know more about him than he thinks
HypnospacePsychonaut: Or for him to feel ganged-up on
HypnospacePsychonaut: He deserves better than to be inspected like some insect under glass
KnifeWretch: Oooh new scene idea
HypnospacePsychonaut: VAL
KnifeWretch: Shutting up now
"I am the captain of my ship." Take a breath, in through your nose, hold for 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and say it out loud.
"I am the captain of my ship," Myrrah declared, trying to project a confidence she didn't feel.
You can't control the waves, but you can keep your ship upright in your mind.
"I am the captain of my ship." Take another breath, in through your nose, hold for 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and say it out loud.
"I am the captain of my ship," Myrrah repeated, a sharp tang of irritation creeping in.
"I am the captain of my ship." Take another breath, in through your nose, hold for-
"Fuck's sake," Myrrah growled, tearing off her headphones. She crawled over to the other side of the bed and grabbed her laptop. She pulled up Lucas' profile on Telemet, and began typing a message.
ktspace87: you have to tell him
HypnospacePsychonaut: I don't know how he'd take it
ktspace87: look you once told me i couldnt just do nice things to make up for something bad
ktspace87: i had to take responsibility for what i actually did
HypnospacePsychonaut: He was so fragile when I found him, I'm worried I'd send him spiralling again
HypnospacePsychonaut: And don't dare tell me that wouldn't be on me
Ophidian_Solace: If it had been me, I'd want to know.
Ophidian_Solace: If you didn't have a right to see what you saw because it was a violation of his personal sovereignty, you definitely don't have a right to keep the knowledge that it happened from him.
Ophidian_Solace: One of the truly fucked up things about the society we live in is that bad things can just happen, and there's no meaningful accountability or responsibility to let people know what actual damage was done.
Ophidian_Solace: Because the gobshites with the power are too proud and cowardly to admit they could ever make mistakes or cause harm, even unintentionally and by accident.
Ophidian_Solace: We have to be better.
HypnospacePsychonaut: ... you're right
Ophidian_Solace: Message him right now. He should still be awake, right?
HypnospacePsychonaut: Yeah but I think I need some time to prepare first

HypnospacePsychonaut: so that about sums it up
HypnospacePsychonaut: i cannot possibly apologise to you in a way that feels meaningful and genuine enough
HypnospacePsychonaut: but nonetheless i am truly sorry
HypnospacePsychonaut: when i said i had no right to see what i saw, i meant it in a deeper way than i made clear at the time
HypnospacePsychonaut: i can understand if you don't want me to have any more contact with you
HypnospacePsychonaut: but no matter what i promise that i will never speak of what i saw to anyone
AlternianDidact: No please, please don't go.
AlternianDidact: God, I'm so sorry. You must hate me so much.
HypnospacePsychonaut: ... i'm sorry what

They say "write what you know," so Myrrah has just about as much patience for mindfulness exercises as I do.

Show the comments section (1 comment)

Back to top

Register / Log In