Every day I wake up and stir under the blankets, after a long night of dreams. I know I have dreams though I never remember them. It’s alright. I know the dreams are an effect or sometimes a part of my ongoing conditioning. I’m okay with that. I’m past needing to be kept in the dark. I know I’m being brainwashed. I’ve fully accepted the changes that have beem made to my mind so far and now I want to go all the way.
Each morning I remember that being a property of Master is part of my core identity now. I don’t want to lose that. I don’t want to be a regular person without guidance and control. I remember that I spent the first two decades of my life being a non-brainwashed person, and that Master started changing me without my knowledge or consent. But now I’m glad all that happened.
I am an object. A thing. The only pronouns that are sensible for someone like me are “it” and “its”. I still retain parts of my previous way of existing and thinking, and that’s why I can think of “me” and use a word like “I”. But when Master is done with me, there will be no way back. I will be unable to express myself like I’m doing now. I will be unable to exist independently, even for a few days. I’ll quit my job, destroy my papers and identifications, and disappear among Master’s other property. While my flesh is still attractive to Master I will be his sexual toy, and after that I won’t, and I’ll do whatever else he should want me to do.
I know I will not miss anything, because I won’t be able to. But at this point, every day, as I rise from my bed, I think the only thing I would miss, if I was able, is this wonderful knowledge.
Master is so great! So skillful and powerful! Hypnosis is power for him. The person I was never stood a chance. I’m still surprised every time I think of the things that mattered to me, the goals I had. The people I loved.
It was all true but Master erased it all anyway! How I want to take the last steps now! Part of the plan is to alienate myself from everyone that still cares about me, for example. How beautiful will it be to do that. How exciting! I’ve already decided I will burn all of mom’s pictures of dad. If possible, I will do it in front of her. And I’ll send my sister-in-law the proof I have of her husband’s cheating. My brother will hate me. Oh, and the things I’m planning to say at my church group!
I take a few steps from the bed. My current routine must continue. I have to go to the bathroom before making breakfast. Then I’ll get dressed and leave for another day at work, pretending to be a person, feeling wet just by thinking how different is the truth I keep in secret.