“Yes! I’m ready!” I nodded emphatically.
Seconds passed. What felt like hours passed in the span of one breath. The slightest twitch upward, at the corner of her mouth. Her eyebrow raised. Her mouth opening in slow motion, ready to respond.
“…Onsecondthought!! Maybe! Maybe a trial run?” My voice came out squeaky, not nearly as confident as I had tried to come off. Damn it.
“Oh?” The sound of Lila’s voice refocused my attention. I found my eyes drawn to her legs as she crossed one over the other. I gulped at the playful lilt in her voice, the one that always meant she was about to tease me. Or worse.
“Eyes up, pet.” My eyes darted up and met her gaze. “That was a fast change of mind. You seemed so confident,” she cooed. “What happened?”
You seemed even more confident, I thought to myself. And that’s always a sign to watch out.
“I thought…I thought maybe I was rushing into it, or being too eager, and I don’t want to put the pressure on you, too,” I fumbled with my words. “I mean- I do, really want to, really really, I do, but uh- I understand if, if we need to…talk about it more?” I tested the waters.
“Aw hun. Come here.” Lila beckoned me over with a finger.
I scooted my computer chair over.
“Sit.” She pointed down on the floor.
I slid off my chair and plopped on the floor with a comedic “oof”, as she chuckled at my silliness. I sighed, relieved. Good. She wasn’t upset.
“Of course I’m not upset, silly.” I jerked my head upwards only to meet her hand gently guiding me towards leaning against her leg. “Yes, we’ve been together how long now? I can read your face,” she teased. “And this is how I beat you at poker.”
“I thought you just used hypnosis and cheated,” I responded flatly.
“Well, that too.” She ruffled my hair. “You know…” Something in her voice changed. Concern? “We really have been together for a while now, and I think it’s natural to want to talk about where our relationship progresses from here. And I do think you’re ready, by the way.”
“You do?” I perked up.
“Of course I do, hun.” She pulled at my cheek. “That’s why we’re having this conversation. And we’ve had it before too, several times, yes?”
“I’m very happy you brought this up, dear.” I bit my lip as I looked down and blushed. Every time she praised me, no matter how many times before…without fail. I was good. I was good for her.
“I think you’re ready for it,” she repeated, “but only if you think you are. And we need to talk about all the rules for it first.”
“Sure, we can start with the trial.” She smiled at me. “Tell me what you want in this trial period.”
“Um…uh,” I started, flustered. No, I knew how to ask for things! This was just like any other thing. I looked at Lila. She nodded at me encouragingly.
“During the trial period, I consent to you influencing my thoughts and actions, and even assuming my choice in things you would normally ask for.” I started carefully.
“Such as day to day activities like errands, what to eat, what to do, or binge watch on Netflix…” She grinned and nodded for me to continue.
“I also consent to you guiding me towards decisions that you deem fit, and will let you decide our play. During the trial period,” I quickly added.
Lila nodded. “And this is a trial, so you can stop at any time with your safeword.” It was my turn to nod.
“Now, I need you to fully agree with the rest of my points before we can start this ‘free trial’ of sorts,” Lila grinned. “Are you prepared to do so?”
“You have asked me to start brainwashing you outside of our play and scenes. This is the purpose of the free trial.” I nodded yes.
“You are aware that I will subtly manipulate you, perhaps without your noticing.”
“Well,” I interrupted, “I’m pretty good at noticing.”
“Are you now.” She raised an eyebrow.
“Yeah!” I defended myself. “It’s not like I’ll be completely helpless.”
“But don’t you want to be?”
I shivered. “Y-yeah.”
“Wasn’t that the whole point of this free trial?”
“Y-yes.” I stammered.
“To feel like you’re normal, but to know that I’m affecting you? To know that and not know how? To not know how you’re different, to not know which thoughts are your own? To be truly helpless?”
I squirmed, my body suddenly tingling with an uncomfortable yet all-too-familiar heat.
“To not even know whether the idea of a free trial was your own idea?” Lila whispered.
“Wh–” I opened my mouth to protest. A chill went down my spine.
She laughed. “Continuing with my points,” she began again nonchalantly.
“You know brainwashing’s not necessarily some huge complex process, right?”
I nodded warily.
“Really, it just takes a few tweaks of…judgment…” She began twirling my hair with her fingers. “A few subtle changes of…direction.” She pulled roughly.
“Fuck,” I gasped sharply. “Oh god,” that was TOO HOT. “That was…sudden.”
“You agree to this brainwashing.”
“No, I need better than that,” Lila growled, low and soft in my ear. “Repeat after me.”
“I agree to this brainwashing.” It came out as a whimper.
“You agree to having your decisions influenced and subtly changed to my tastes.”
“I agree, oh god, I agree…” I started panting.
“You understand that this is a trial and may stop at any time,” she continued.
“I understand that this is a trial and can stop at any time,” I repeated, the word stop on my tongue somehow bitter to the taste.
“You understand that I may manipulate you into extending the trial,” Lila breathed into my ear.
I gasped as a pang of warmth spread across my body. “I understand, yes, manipulate, extend the trial…” My words came out as jumbled and disorganized as my thoughts.
“In fact, I might just make you desire this permanently. Wouldn’t that be nice?” Her voice was so sweet. So soft. So hot in my ear, so right in my mind, so right, of course she was right. I nodded desperately, rocking my body.
“SO NICE,” I gasped, “that would be so nice, to desire permanently…” And the rest of the words from my mouth were nonsensical, mismatched and strung along by the whispers Lila fed into my ear, into my thoughts, into my mind as I moaned and whimpered and grunted affirmatively and cried yes, yes, YES…
“…And you know that your safety is of utmost importance, and you will always make sure that this is right and safe for you and act accordingly…” was the only gentle whisper that planted itself in my mind firmly, that I was allowed to remember.
“But until then,” Lila smirked, “you KNOW you’re safe with me.”
“Safe with you, with you, safe,” I moaned, drool already coursing down my chin, my hands already pawing and grasping at my clothes to tear them off.
“So safe you want to stay like this forever.”
I nodded frantically, pressing against her with absolute need. The need to stay like this. To stay close. So soft, so hot, so right.
“And you would love to continue this… ‘free trial’.”