[Static crackles. A woman’s voice is audible.]

mooloo? mooloo, can you hear me?

Baaa~

oh my gosh, mooloo, thank goodness. are you okay?

Baa. Baa?

well, i’ve been worried sick, of course! i’ve had [audio corrupted] running things in the meantime. are they feeding you? are they cleaning you?

Baa baa. Baa BAAA ba baaa~

wait, how many leaves on the clovers?

Ba ba baa.

UGHHHHHHH. don’t worry, mooloo, i’ll make sure we have plenty of four-leafers ready for you. i’ll sign an executive order!

Ba baa baba baa baa…

but i *want* to.

Baa baa…

[several beeps interrupt the conversation]

no, no, that’s too quick! mooloo, i’m sorry. i’ll find you. i’ll get you back. don’t lose hope.

Ba baaa. …Ba baaa baa.

I will. I will.

Baaaa. Baaa ba baa baaa baaaa~?

of course. anything.

Baa bababaaaa baaa Baaaa.

…i don’t know who they are. i don’t know what they want. if they’re looking for ransom, i can tell them i actually have a lot of money. but more importantly, i have a very particular set of skills. skills that i have acquired over a very long streaming career. skills that make me a nightmare for people like them. if they let you go now, that’ll be the end of it. i will not look for them. i will not pursue them. but if they don’t, i will look for them, i will find them, and i will kill them.

[long pause]

Baaa baaa~

[click]