four shifted uneasily in her seat, eyes darting between her heels, her fellow maids, and the door she knew would open any moment. two, sitting beside her, did the same, as did six.

five, on the other hand, was unphased. “You all look so nervous, girls,” she said with a devilish smile, flipping her scarlet hair nonchalantly. “Almost like you did something wrong.”

“That’s just it,” six shot back. “we don’t even know if we-”

At that moment, the door flew open, and Miss Chyme 💕 waltzed into the parlor room. A short tweed coat wrapped around her corseted torso, a deerstalker cap on her head and a combination corn cob pipe/selfie stick in her fingers. Her incongruous pink heels clacked with each powerful stride. The seven maids immediately stood and bowed.

“ladies,” their mistress said with a smile, “thank you for joining me today. you may be seated ❤️.”

As they sat, four couldn’t help but notice that five now fidgeted with the rest of them. Not so cocky now, was she?

“ladies, as you are no doubt aware, one of you…” Miss Chyme 💕 paused for dramatic effect, moving a pointed finger around the room towards each of the maids in turn. She made sure the phone in her selfie pipe caught each maid’s nervous face before continuing. “…shaved my poor Moojoo!”

Moojoo wobbled into the room, his ordinarily spheroid shape now closer to that of, frankly, an ordinary ungulate. four felt a giggle well up in her chest, but she caught it before it escaped. she saw that Miss Chyme 💕’s Truwuth Social stream chat was exploding with emojis, though she couldn’t tell which.

“now, this is a tricky case, because the crime in question occurred during a shift change for the maids. everyone should have been in the showers. but it’s never so simple! the hot water was being fixed during that time yesterday, meaning the maids that should have been all together and accounted for were instead milling about the White House.

over the course of my investigation,” Miss Chyme 💕 continued, “i have discovered three key clues, which i will now explain in exhaustive detail.

“firstly, observe carefully the pattern of shaving on Moojoo’s wool.” Miss Chyme 💕 pulled her phone in for a close-up of the shivering sheep’s back. “we can see from the angle and length of the remaining wool that the culprit shaved him using their left hand.

“secondly, Zeke!”  Miss Chyme 💕 called up to the rafters, and a carrier pigeon fluttered down onto her shoulder. “Zeke, would you mind explaining what you saw yesterday at four o’clock?”

The pigeon stared directly into the camera. “Coo,” it cooed. four once again saw the stream chat explode with emojis.

“and thirdly…” Miss Chyme 💕 once again paused, either for dramatic effect or because she couldn’t find what she was looking for in her pocket. “thirdly, i have… right here… in my pocket… AHA!”

She produced from her pocket a tuft of black and white wool. “due to the water issue, the washing machine never actually ran yesterday. and this bit of moojoo wool was found clinging to the green maid uniform! which means… THINK FAST!”

In a flash, Miss Chyme 💕 pulled Bob the Cat out of her pocket and threw it at four. Instinctively, four raised both hands to catch him, but the plushie bounced out of her hands and onto the floor. She scrambled to pick it up, her long scarlet hair cascading around her.

“okay so that didn’t really work, but anyway, the evidence all points to you, four!” Miss Chyme 💕 stared down at four, both her phone and a menacing finger pointed in accusation. The stream chat flooded with emojis; this time, four was close enough to see that they were mostly combinations of 🫢 and 🤯.

“B-but Miss Chyme 💕, i… please, there must be some kind of mistake!” four felt hot tears well up; one placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. “i didn’t do it! i was playing ping pong with… with… one of the others!”

Miss Chyme 💕 considered this a moment, putting a manicured finger to her lips. “That makes sense, that makes sense,” she mused. “We’ll have to investigate the rec room before we come to any conclusions.”

four breathed a sigh of relief. Surely there would be something in there that proved her innocence. Surely one of the other maids… whichever one she was playing with… surely they could vouch for her. She felt her whole body relax as Miss Chyme 💕 walked back towards the door.

“oh, just one more thing.” Miss Chyme 💕 said, turning back to four with a twinkle in her eye. “i saw you do it ✨.”

“You what? i- no, you couldn’t have, i-” four felt the firm grasp of a giant robotic hand around her waist as ✨AF-1 ✨ began to lift her out of the room through the conveniently-placed skylight. “No, please!” she cried. “i’m innocent! Please, Miss Chyme 💕, you have to believe me, please!”

The last thing she saw before being flown away was five’s burning red hair and saccharine smile.