A bathroom stall at this point feels like the most pathetic place to be right now; the biggest revelation of my life revealed to me, and my response is to head straight to the restroom to bury my face in my hands, really to keep other guys from watching me cry.
At least they'd be tears of joy.
But also, once I was physically and emotionally aware of my wedding band, our wedding bands, so many more blocked memories came back with that. I was more or less the same workaholic, trying to balance marriage and work. We both were actually, just different fields. It was sometime after the marriage that her hypnotherapy practice had finally gotten off the ground. Fortunately for her though, she had much more manageable hours, and wanted to spend those off hours with me. Amy, or Mistress as I still wanted to call her, knew I was dedicated to her, but the long hours started to hurt things. She understood that this was a job I was proud to be working on, being environmentally concerned all the time. Despite the family money she came from, I wanted to not ever rely on that. Many men she'd dated were either pre-approved by her father or already knew about her money. I was just lucky to be the first to care about just her. Amy's father and sister (Ms. Skeptic - makes so much sense now) were the hardest to convince that I was worthy, but they came to accept me, even after the separation.
Moving from Philly to San Francisco wasn't easy, especially when it was going to be just me. If it wasn't for her practice, she would've come along with me. We argued about the time we barely spent together, how realistically things weren't going to get any easier. Amy knew I already took the job, before we started arguing, so naturally she was the one to suggest the trial separation. As much as it hurt to hear her suggest it, I shouldn't have been surprised. Neither of us wanted to see other people, and basically the separation would last as long as the project in SF was supposed to last. Three months, which turned into nine months. And a once a week phone call.
I was a lousy husband. Even worse, I was a lousy husband for a job ready to take my employment and my marriage. Comparing the man I've been with the subject she wanted me to be is what's making me walk out of the bathroom now, to at least tell her what she deserves.
She's still sitting at our table, sullen-looking. I take her hand and lift her out of her seat, giving her the most passionate kiss I could. It feels like she's losing herself in the kiss as she lets me lead it. I break the kiss to ask her to dance with me, and lead her into the floor. A new song is playing slowly, allowing me to whisper in her ear.
"I'm sorry Amy. I haven't been a very good husband. I let work get in-between us, and I guess with what's coming I'm getting what I deserve, losing work, and losing you, which hurts more than you'll ever know. I need to thank you for being my Mistress, for however long that was. I've never felt so detached from myself and so in-tune with my own desires. Looking back on all of it, it feels like a reward, but a reward for a husband who treated you right, and didn't neglect you; not me. I know I want us to keep going, and can only promise to be, well, whatever you want me to be. When you took control of me that night and made me sleep, I don't ever remember you being so possessive of me; if you'll still have me, I don't want that to stop. Please Amy, Mistress, keep me."
What I hear and what I feel on my shoulder tells me more tears are streaming down her face. I kiss her and kiss away the tears as delicately as possible. Her hand brings my neck down to her shoulder as she now whispers in my ear.
"As long as we're being totally candid, after you left for San Francisco, the idea bounced in my head several times of going further than just a separation. It was a rash idea, but it kept coming back. I had another rash idea after nine of the longest months of my life, to take a short sabbatical at work, and pay a visit to Julie, or Ms. Skeptic as you know her, and stay with her for a week or so. Truthfully though, I came to see you. I saw you, and unethically used my expertise to drive you into a deep trance. You've always been blissfully ignorant about what I could do with hypnosis, so it was easy to lead you where you never expected to go. I wanted to see how you reacted while you were under, to the possibility of having our marriage off your shoulders. What I didn't expect was for you to become aroused, and deeply aroused the deeper you sank. Is that something you've been hiding from me?"
"I didn't mean to hide it from you. I was just never sure how you'd take me sort of liking hypnosis like that. You never talked about using it other than for serious, professional use; and I didn't want you to think that's why I got together with you in the first place. I loved you, not what you could do. I love you."
We both notice the tune change, and another slow song is playing. She continues.
"Needless to say, I was surprised how your arousal and hypnotized state went hand-in-hand. I took it so far, I think I entered a light trance myself, and gave us a little scenario to play out. I made it like you'd seen me for the first time, like a very lucid dream. The way you looked at me, touched me, I'd never seen you so pliant. I wanted more, and I took as much as I could get of you, even if it was another, repressed side of you. If our marriage was going to end, I wanted one more night with you. It just turned into one night after another."
"Please tell me the marriage isn't over," I whisper pleadingly into her ear.
She looks at me calmly before answering. "The decision rests with me, and only me?"
I look back and give my answer serious thought. "No, not with just you. I let you decide on the trial separation, but I agreed to it, when I should've fought like hell to convince you otherwise. I should've quit, done something. I didn't even try to fight for us, and that's a mistake I'll never make again. It's our decision, but I've already said yes."
Her calm look slowly becomes a smile, as mine does, and she holds my face in her hands. "Such a wise Subject I have."
I bring her into a hug as we stop dancing, surprising a nearby couple. But they look to us with understanding smiles. The music stops and I lead her back to our table, where our food has been sitting, and getting a little cold, so we waste no time in digging in.
"I've wondered about that."
"Me being a subject. In this circumstance, I'd expect slave more so, or love slave or something."
"Well, first of all, slave isn't an attractive title for me. And second, I've always dreamed of being a queen, having a court full of subjects in my kingdom, so that's where that word came from."
It grates me a little bit, to imagine I'm not her only subject. "How many subjects do you plan on having?"
"I could have dozens, but it's much easier to have one that already meets my every need. The queen is very satisfied with her court of one."
"Well, my Queen and Mistress, please continue to inform me of what is desired within the Queen's court."
We both ordered salads, so we were already finished with dinner. Now I'm hungry for something else as I reach for her hand and kiss her wrist, palm and back of her hand.
Her giggling makes me press my lips deeper and longer onto her skin, until she moves her hand out of my grasp to hold my cheek.
"Your Queen and Mistress would like to inform you of something on behalf of her desires for the court. Are you prepared to listen, with all that you are?"
"I'm at your service."
"Excellent Subject," she says while she holds up her ring, admiring the golden band in particular. It's beautiful how it glints against the soft candle light at our table.
"You know, I've always loved the band that matches what you have the most. The diamond is beautiful of course, and I love it, but the band reminds me so much of you. We share the same band and I love knowing that you wear something identical to me, connecting us. When you look at your band, do you think of me?"
"Always. I think of how lucky I am to find such a wonderful woman, to be this much in love, and to know that that love is shared."
"Exactly, every time I look at it, I imagine a warm feeling of love coming over me like a blanket, or a wave of some sort. I especially love how it can catch light and reflect it. Can you see that? Do you see any light reflecting on the band?"
"Indeed, warm, glowy candle light reflecting of the band, making it so shiny, giving warmth to my heart, to our hearts, to your heart. Such a comfortable, perfect warmth, perfectly placed between hot and cool. Do you feel it?"
"Doesn't it feel nice, to focus on that light as well? Whenever I see that golden shine, I always give myself a few minutes to get lost in it, and reflect on you. How wonderful you make me feel, how loyal you are, how your eyes and words make me feel like the sexiest, sometimes the only woman alive. Sometimes I want to look at it as often as possible, for as long as possible when you're not there. When the time is right, it's simply irresistible."
"Yes, irresistible." Her band is moving closer and closer to my face; I love it, because I need to stare deeper into it.
"As you gaze deeply at the band dear Subject, watching light reflect into your eyes, I want you to start reflecting on me. Reflect on Amy, your Queen, your Mistress, your wife. See all that she is, everything about her; feel her around your ring finger, and deeply in your heart and mind. You're in love with her aren't you?"
"Yes," I hear myself speak almost huskily.
"Just as she is yours, you are Hers. She is your Mistress, you are Her Subject. You always show care and concern for each other. You both strive to support each other, and should continue to do so. You look to care for the well-being of one another, and will each take good care of yourselves, however you need to. You both wish to be open and communicate what you are feeling to each other; you trust your feelings with one another and can be honest. And when the time is right, and Mistress feels the desire to feel you succumb to her influence, you feel happy and willing to do exactly as she says. Her commands yield so much pleasure when you obey her. So many wonderful places you can go together in trance, my lovely art gallery, the lecture hall mesmerized by my feminine allure."
Coming back to myself for a brief second, I feel the need to kiss her band before staring deeply at it again, hoping she takes that as a sign of submission.
"Thank you Subject, that warms my heart so well. Does it warm yours?"
Nodding my head works better as I can stay still and enjoy the warmth of her trance.
"In the future, when you have no distractions, when you're not driving, working, or doing anything important, and you are alone, if you happen to look down at your wedding band, I want you to touch it and reflect on me and all the feelings you associate with me. Keep this sensation deep in your mind, and remember it when your subconscious wants you to remember. There's no rush to do so. Do you understand?"
Thank god for nodding.
"Now, I would like you to kiss my band one more time before you wake up from trance. After that kiss, you will slowly come back to full awareness, awake and feeling wonderful."
I kiss as instructed, and my eyes blink like they're trying to wake up, but I know my eyes have been open.
"Never stop doing that."
"I think that can be arranged."
We finally ask for the check, and depart the restaurant hand-in-hand.
"Are you going to be ok with work?" she asks.
"Don't know. I sent in the resignation, on the condition that it is acknowledged once my duties are over. Don't worry; I'm not losing any more sleep over this."
"That's good news, finally." She wraps her arms around me for a wonderful hug.
"Work will work itself out; I just don't want to go at it alone anymore."
She catches my meaning, and we drive away to share a wonderful night together, husband and wife, Mistress and Subject.
Life is good.