Emmenanthe is in her bunk, which is incidentally the place she immediately ran off to – and has since remained – after closing comms and informing her supervisor that she had a headache. She doesn’t have a headache. She still feels like dirt. Less than.
After leading her along the entire time of – of a crisis, for Ava – the last thing Ava had said is “I trust you.” She curls up further, into little more than an indecipherable mess. She’s absolutely detestable.
She hadn’t stuck around to see on camera what unfolded in the airlock. She couldn’t have watched Ava’s innocent trust in her shatter to a million pieces when realizing just where she was, what had been waiting for her.
She wasn’t trained for this. She’s just a comms officer, on a ship not intended to be the one picking up people. And this is going to stay with her, isn’t it? Emmenanthe is never not going to be the one who did this to Ava.
There’s.. justification, for it. It’s for Ava’s own good. Ava will be happier now. It’s a good thing that Ava didn’t realize and panic while out in space. “Everything’s going to be fine,” for Ava, probably. The justification doesn’t much halt what she’s feeling.
And what if everything isn’t fine, for Ava? What if she gets thrown into domestication and doesn’t take it well, fights until she gets put on Class-Os, or hurts herself before she can be? She knows the process happens to many, many people, but she is the one responsible for what happens to Ava, now. Or at the very least, she’s the first in the chain of those responsible.
It’s not fair. Ava won’t even get to face her, shout at her and curse her for eliminating Ava’s autonomy, deciding Ava’s future without her consent. Ava should at least get that, and not wake up to some random affini assigned as her new ward; they could be anyone. And she knows that at least she’d be gentle and accommodating for Ava’s justified hurt.
Oh. Emmenanthe has a very absurd thought. An unthinkable one. Definitely off the table, that.
..She’d have very limited time to act on it, if she were going to. ..Which she absolutely isn’t. Regardless of the fact that she’s at the end of her tour of duty and would probably be eligible.
Okay, firstly, making such a rash decision would be outright irresponsible. She plain can’t, with so little time to consider, make a commitment that could spiral into Ava becoming her- make a commitment in which Ava would be her ward.
Well, it’s more likely that Ava won’t be forced into domestication in the first place. And even if she were, and Emmenanthe put herself forward, the odds that could go anywhere are zero; Ava wouldn’t accept her for that, after today’s deception. So, it’d become a transitory period for them to find Ava someone better. Thus giving Ava options. Yes, Ava deserves options-
No, no. As much as her friends like to poke fun at how she's supposedly destined for the task, she is absolutely not up to it. She has safely concluded that this isn’t for her. It’s for other people. She just gets to help.
This is a blatantly terrible line of thought. Emmenanthe doesn’t need to analyse the pros and cons to know as much. In fact, she needs to stop thinking about this immediately; nothing good will come of it.
She just needs to stay here, in her bunk, until enough time has passed that it’s no longer an option. She can do that.
Emmenanthe leaps out of the bunk to make a line for her supervisor.