So, what am I saying? Only that sexual predation is not always black and white. We all have sexual needs. Some people are better than others at exploiting our innate behaviors. One could certainly argue that my thinking is specious if not outright flawed. I am in a quandary with all of this. I’m using rationalization as a defense mechanism to help me justify my decision to let bygones be bygones. I feel like ruining Dr. Allen's career and life is too high a price to pay for his indiscretion. That is if something really happened.
What about Angela? She seems so coy and innocent. But is that a front? Does a succubus lurk somewhere deep in her psyche preying on her entranced victims? Could she really be so evil that she would implant false memories that result in the ruination of a man? Why is she so insistent that I should not have a forensic examination for sperm? Proof of rape requires collection of sperm (or semen). Evidence of sex must be obtained within 120 hours. I haven’t gone for a rape test yet. I still have time. Also, why does she not want me to discuss the ‘sex therapy’ with Dr. Allen. Shouldn’t he have an opportunity to defend himself or refute that it happened, if indeed it did not happen?
Is Dr. Allen an innocent bystander in all of this or did his libido betray him as it has done to me so many times? I believe in forgiveness when a person has remorse. But does the good doctor have remorse? I mean, from what I remember… or was made to remember, he wants me to start on birth control. My memory of him screwing me is so very clear. I’m not sure a memory can be implanted that is that clear. He told me he wants to continue the sex therapy sessions. Did I not find a discarded box of Plan B in my trash?
I know for a fact that Dr. Allen does not have any guilt or remorse about fucking me.
How do I know? Because he never did (fuck me). This ‘hypnotic rape’ never occurred. Gotcha!
It’s just my writing style. POV and suspension of disbelief. I hope my words created a visceral, emotional reaction in the reader. If so, I consider that a good yarn. If you got caught up in the story, then you were in a light waking trance. Now calm down and take a chill pill. I don’t want you to blow a gasket worrying about my attempts to rationalize rape.
Now what about Angela? Truth? We have not had sex yet. Well, at least I don't think we have. I did wake up in my bra and panties so that is suspicious. But, in her defense, she said her air conditioning was broken and it was hot in her apartment. Even scantily clad I was perspiring. What about the scene where I woke up during an orgasm? I made that up for the story. Since my libido is subject to ‘suggestion’ (hypnosis), I can’t help but distrust Angela’s motives. Even if I am sexually attracted to her, is it really me? And the truth be known, the Scooby gang would prefer I stick with Blakley and Angela. I’m not quite ready to write Dr. Allen and the ketamine infusions off. The ‘K’ is a definite plus.