The trials and tribulations of Lydia’s formative years
Julie and I first met at Camp Longhorn when we were 15, or maybe 16. Julie wasn’t in my tent, but we got to know one another when we sat around the campfire at night telling stories. Julie was a little shy, like me. But when she opened up, she was funny. We soon became good friends and as camp came to an end we decided to stay in touch. We traded phone numbers and emails and went our separate ways. She lived in Austin and I lived in Dallas. Julie told me about a girl she hypnotized the last day of camp. I didn’t really know what hypnosis was then. I was aware of it, but it seemed a little too farfetched to be believable. Julie told me how she got a girl to relax and then told her she was a chicken. She was squatting down, walking around like a chicken with her arms folded into her chest, flapping her wings and clucking. Julie was imitating the girl’s clucking. I was laughing so hard I was crying. I could see this image in my mind.
“Julie, you are so full of shit.”
“No really, I swear I did it. And when she woke up she didn’t remember doing it!”
That was the extent of my knowledge about hypnosis, and I didn’t really think about it again until Jim Fellows, our family friend, introduced my sister (and me) to his hypnodisc. That was a trip. Milk never tasted so good. So, I discovered hypnosis was real and I could be hypnotized—at least to crave a glass of milk. That was an awakening for me. Strange choice of words... awakening.
Julie told me she was learning how to hypnotize people. I was interested in knowing more, but something happened to me around this time and I kind of lost touch with her. This is when I entered a dark period of my life. This really happened to me.
An older boy named Bob found out that I was pretty easily hypnotized. He was 25, I think, at the time. I was 18. I went to a party with a small group of friends. He was there and he bragged that he could hypnotize me. I was not comfortable being the sudden center of attention and said I was not interested. Apparently, that didn’t matter. I don’t remember being hypnotized. A girl friend of mine told me what happened. He made a bet with me that he could cause my arm to float up in the air on it’s own. And that was what happened. I saw a video of him telling me helium balloons were tied to my wrist and that my arm was getting lighter and lighter. Again, I don’t remember this. In the video, I appear pretty embarrassed by the whole thing. I forgot my name, forgot how to count and various other compromising things. At one point I got so hot that I was perspiring and had to take my shirt off. Fortunately, I still had my bra on.
Balloon levitation is a great suggestibility test. When people respond they have demonstrated suggestibility AND they have entered light trance. They are ‘primed’ at this point to be taken very deep. Balloon levitation is a form of covert trance induction, but you always sell it simply as a test of imagination and suggestibility.
I remember feeling like I wanted to visit him after this. While I had never been interested before I was hypnotized, I soon found him to be witty and charming. I broke up with my boyfriend and started hanging with Bob. Did I remember being hypnotized by him? Not really. I would wake up and feel some compulsion but not really know why I suddenly wanted to do something. And his control and confidence to exploit me progressed over time. Something happened that got me concerned. I woke up in my panties and I was topless. I was wearing a dog collar and he was spanking me. I guess I was being punished for being a bad dog or something. I felt compelled to eat dog food out of a bowl and I was aware of this, but I did it anyway...
I was starting to feel almost subhuman. It was so degrading. I needed to find a way to escape, but I kept going back to him for more. It was probably similar to the dependent behavior of an abused spouse. Then he showed me a video that utterly humiliated me. I did not/do not remember any of this thank god. I was back in the dog collar, walking around naked on all fours. He was telling me, “You are not house broken yet Lydia. You’re a good puppy, but you need to poop. You need to poop so bad.”
He must have known I hadn’t used the restroom or needed to because with his guidance, I squatted on the floor and dropped a big one.
“You’re a bad girl Lydia. Bad puppy.” He walked over to me and pushed my nose into it. “That will teach you not to poop inside the house again.”
After watching the video, I started to cry. I hated myself. But I hated him more. I ran out of his house, covering my ears and went straight home. My mother wanted to know why I was crying. I couldn’t tell her. I was so ashamed. I told her I was hypnotized and forced to do some very bad things.
It was after this that my Mom contacted our family friend and told him that I was under someone else’s control and I was being forced to behave like a dog. I was so scared. Jim had words with him and I never saw Bob again.
For about 6 months of my life during this time, my memory is very spotty. Bob recognized I was a somnambulist (hyper hypnotizable) and submissive. He took me very, very deep and fucked with my mind in ways I still do not fully appreciate. I seem to have some sort of strange fetish around scat that I never had before. Even writing about this makes me uneasy. I apologize if some of my writing is over the top. I’m not sure how much of that is me and how much is due to prior programming. It is altogether quite unsettling.
What did I learn from this experience besides that I could be so easily hypnotized and controlled? I learned that I liked being owned. I liked being submissive. At the time I felt terribly guilty about this and I still do to a degree. This fetish or weakness makes me feel... vulnerable and sometimes not worthy of being loved. I'm not sure how much of that is my core personality and how much of it was programmed into me. Probably a little of both. I'm a trained psychologist today. That helps me reconcile these deep needs and realize I am not alone. So many people have similar feelings and needs. I'm not alone.
After I discovered that I was being programmed, being subjected to ‘obedience training’, something very bad happened. I can’t say it was 100% Bob’s fault. Maybe 99%. My own psychological makeup was at least partially responsible. As a young girl I lacked the self-esteem, maturity and the psychological tools to deal with this trauma. I feel a need to tell this part of my story now. I needed help but no one recognized the signs. I was withdrawn, retreating to my room after school. I could barely function. I decided I no longer wanted to live. It was more of a passive decision to give up than an active decision to do something violent to myself. I planned it out. I would wait for my Mom and sisters to be gone somewhere for a time. I couldn’t live with the shame. I almost succeeded. My sister Stephanie came home early from a friend’s house and found me lying in a pile of vomit. I woke up in a hospital bed with a tube down my nose. I had overdosed on my Mom’s sleeping pills. What followed afterwards was a lot of counseling sessions with a psychologist to rebuild my self-esteem. I was eventually deemed to be at low risk for suicide.
Ok. I’ve shared this horrible story. It brings back dreadful memories. To this day I am terrified of the man that did this to me. He caused me great psychological harm. Maybe that is why I’m so screwed up today. I don’t know. Some people have suggested he might have instilled the desire for me to be submissive. I don’t know. I do know that strong male personalities can intimidate me at times. Not all the time. But often enough.
In my first story, ‘Before I was a Hypnodomme’ Bob is the character that hypnotized and raped me. I didn’t have the courage to tell what really happened until now, until this story. Did Bob rape me when I was his puppy toy? I honestly don’t know, but it is entirely possible. Thinking back, while I was seeing him I was a few weeks late for my period, but I wasn’t having sex – or at least didn’t remember having sex. Fortunately, I had some severe cramping and had a heavy period. Heavy enough my Mom considered taking me to see the doctor. Maybe that was a miscarriage. He probably was doing me. Mainly I think he was into the S/M humiliation thing. That 6 months of my life was essentially stolen from me. I remember very little and what I do remember is fragmented and vague. I’m not sure why my memories cannot be retrieved, but it is probably some mix of psychological trauma and perhaps drugs used on me like psilocybin or LSD.
It was shared with me that Bob was arrested and went to jail for pimping girls. Jim thinks he convinced some girls to undergo hypnosis and gradually convinced them to sell their bodies. I am so grateful I woke up and that did not happen to me. Knowing what I 'don't know' now, I am convinced that could have become my life. That thought is terrifying. Hypnosis used to program and rape girls is far more widespread than I realized. Summary site of hypnotic abuse and rape cases.
After this hellish experience, I recovered fully and was still able to enter the fall class at Stanford. I decided to learn hypnosis as much to protect myself against unscrupulous individuals as to learn how to hypnotize others. My first few attempts were hit or miss..., generally more miss. But the few successes motivated me to continue. By mid-semester I had gotten pretty good. I hypnotized a boy named Kevin to have sex with me. I hadn’t had any for months, so I needed it. He wanted sex too, so it didn’t take much in the way of hypnosis to convince him. Don’t judge me.
Soon my skills advanced to beyond good. I developed a real knack for it. I read everything on the subject I could get my hands on. Milton Erickson, Mike Mandell, Dave Elman, Anton Mesmer, even Freud. I was fascinated. I also learned how I could use certain drugs to augment entry into the trance state. For some subjects, they just can’t turn off their conscious analytical mind. I learned how to do that with low dose MDMA and Ketamine (Kitty flipping). There is also Candy flipping, but I would be very careful with that unless you really know what you are doing. Today I only resort to these if some alpha male is determined to fight me. I can circumvent ‘conscious’ defenses with a little Molly, but I can’t give it to him. That is illegal. But if he takes it of his own volition, then who am I to deny him. And then he is mine. During my freshman year, I had a very unfortunate run in with an English professor who drugged and sodomized me. It started badly for me. It ended badly for him. He became a thrall as detailed in one of my stories, the ‘Taking of my English Professor’ - another mostly true story. I became quite the hypnodomme in this phase of my life.
I’m moving away from this need to control other people. I wasn’t then. It was all about pushing the envelope. Taking people deeper than they thought was possible. But that is not healthy for their psyche or mine. It’s immoral to own people and I have released all my thralls both owned in person and on EMCSA. Julie helped open my eyes to the immorality of mentally enslaving others. I really was a succubus for a time. No more.
So, back to the story. Julie had already been hypnotizing people for 2 years when I started. We saw each other from time to time. She gave me a few pointers and hypnotized me a few times. She remarked that I was an unusually good subject. In fact, she induced hypnotic analgesia for the labor and delivery of my daughter. I think it even surprised her how well I responded. I had absolutely no pain. It was great. All these other women wailing and screaming obscenities and me sitting there with strong contractions oblivious to the pain. The nurse looked at the fetal monitor while I was having a strong contraction and then at me and asked me, “You aren’t feeling this? Are you high on something? “I’m high on life.” I answered. “Actually, I’m high on hypnosis.” Julie nodded it was true. The OB doctor was dubious. He did not believe hypnotic analgesia could overcome the pain of childbirth. And just to show off, Julie gave me a post hypnotic suggestion to start dribbling milk like crazy when she said “lactate”. So not only was childbirth painless, I started lactating in front of everyone when she gave me the lactate command. She got a good laugh. I soaked through my gown. I mean it looked like a wet t shirt contest. Then I got to enjoy a gown that smelled like sour milk after a few hours. Despite her shenanigans, Julie was a good friend. There was no better.
We continued down separate paths to hypnosis. Julie became a certified hypnotherapist while I decided to pursue the more sordid side of the dark art. We finally decided to meet at HypnoThoughts in Vegas for a little reunion and to compare notes. HypnoThoughts is a hypnosis conference that was held every year until COVID came on the scene. That conference was the basis for my story Beguiled, although that story (and Trafficked) is 100% a work of fiction. Julie and I went to a workshop on different types of inductions. Covert inductions using deep breathing and relaxation exercises. Distraction inductions. Confusion introduced to an induction to augment entry into trance. Rapid, shock inductions and various others. Shock and covert inductions are my specialty, although COVID has definitely cramped my style. I’m looking forward to getting back to large groups to show my prowess.
Julie and I paired off. I took Julie into trance using a balloon levitation induction. She was a very good subject, dropping very deep. I had her forget her name, forget the number 4 and I froze her in different positions. Then I had her wake up believing she had not been hypnotized. That was fun. She argued with me. “You did not hypnotize me Lydia. I was always aware of what I was doing.”
“What were you doing?", the instructor asked.
“I was just relaxing. My arm floated up, but I did that of my own accord in order to give Lydia a boost in confidence.”
“No. Just the arm up in the air.”
The instructor gave me a knowing wink. “Ok Lydia, it’s Julie’s turn to hypnotize you. What induction type do you want to use Julie?”
“I’m going to do a simple countdown.” Julie neglected to clue my conscious mind to the confusion element she would introduce.
“Take a slow deep breath for me Lydia. As I count down from 100 to 1, I want you to imagine that you are descending on an elevator. Each floor that passes, you find yourself dropping deeper, relaxing more. Are you ready to be hypnotized?” I told her I was. Lydia sat down next to me. I was looking up at her eyes.
100, deep breath in
98, another deep breath in
97, exhale and feel a wave of relaxation settling over you.
96, so peaceful
95, so relaxed
94, deep breath in
93, breathe out, feeling so relaxed, so peaceful
92, You already feel sleep coming to you. So good, so relaxed
91, another deep breath. Becoming so sleepy
90, if only you could close your eyes
89, but you can’t close your eyes until I say so
88, so close to surrender, so close to sleep
87, it feels so good to follow my instructions
76, as you get sleepier and sleepier
“Wait, what? I must have zoned out. I’m going under..” I thought to myself
The conscious mind is startled by the realization it has just missed 10 numbers in the sequence. It hasn’t really, but you have introduced confusion to create the suspension of disbelief
75, almost there, you feel so good, so relaxed
74, I know your eyes are so heavy. You may close them whenever you like
73, deep breath in Lydia
72, breathe out, good girl. You are doing so well
71, good. Your eyes are closed.
70, you are entering light trance
59, going deeper, so much deeper
58, nothing matters but my voice.
57, you are deeply asleep now Lydia
56, deeply asleep. You will remain in trance, but open your eyes and look at me’
45, my eyes were open, vacant
44, you are dropping 10 times deeper for me.
43, each time you open and close your eyes, you drop 10 times deeper.
42, close your eyes now. Deeper than you have ever been
41, open your eyes, 10 times deeper.
Opening and closing the eyes is called fractionation and will deepen state of trance
I have no idea where she stopped this. I was gone somewhere around 70 I think.
Julie achieved something called the Esdaile (also called somnambulistic) state in me. That is a complete lack of awareness. It has been described as a coma state. She induced hypnotic analgesia and woke me up. I was instructed not to feel any pain in my right hand. The instructor believed that I had reached complete analgesia based on some test he did and the fact that Julie had earlier confided in him that she hypnotized me for the labor and delivery of my daughter Celeste. I guess he had to see for himself. He asked me if he could do a more extensive test. I looked at Julie and she nodded that it was ok. He pulled out some betadine and sterilized both sides of my right hand. He removed a straight pin from a sterile package. He put it on the top of my hand and pushed it all the way through my hand. Then he held my hand up to show the class. I remember looking at my own hand in awe. I remember my hand felt like clay. It didn’t feel like my hand at all. When he removed the pin, he pinched the puncture wounds together for a minute while he talked to the class so that I would not have any bleeding.
Julie then dropped me with a post hypnotic ‘sleep’ command. Apparently, she caused me to develop a rash, then to become hot and perspire. I’m not sure what all she did. This is my secondhand recounting of the story.
I awoke to people staring at me. Then everyone clapped.
“What happened?” I asked. The instructor told me that I had entered an Esdaile state and that I was the best hypnotic subject he had encountered in his 20 years of teaching. Should I feel good about that? I guess it was good if I needed major surgery.
This is about it for my early journey learning hypnosis - and experiencing it. I have some more recent escapades like an evening summer pool party where the hostess decided everyone needed to know I was a master hypnotist. Everyone wanted a demonstration. So I demonstrated. Be careful what you ask for.