Journal entries by Julie Adams
I’m visiting Doug and Lydia in Colorado for a week of nature hiking, snowmobiling and outdoor fun. Doug suggested I journal my experiences and make them into a story. I arrived here on Wednesday January 27 and we jammed a week’s activities into the last 3 days. So much has happened, I need to write it down before I forget. I tried Kitty flipping with Lydia yesterday. It is supposed to be like peyote only better. Oh my god! What a trip. Lydia likes to write about the illicit side of our adventures, so I will let her do that.
January 31, 2021
We had three days of adventure in the great outdoors. Only 5 weeks ago Lydia had a stroke from COVID, so this was an unexpected treat. It turns out, the doctors got the clot before it did too much damage, so it was only a mild stroke. I’m looking forward to seeing her up and about and enjoying life. To recap, we had three great days in the beautiful outdoors, although I used muscles while cross country skiing, I didn’t know I had. To say they were sore would be an understatement. Lydia suggested yesterday we try some of her “imagination expansion” drugs, as she likes to call it. I have told her before that I’m curious to try peyote. Lydia said that I will like ‘Kitty flipping’ better, so I agreed, “Why not? You only live once.”
Doug was the ‘safety officer’. I didn’t want to take anything without a responsible adult to watch over us. Lydia gave me X first. I was laying down on the bed looking over at her and Doug and gradually a sense of profound happiness came over me. I can’t describe it other than to say, “wow!” I think it was then that I acknowledged that I loved both of them. Ecstasy makes it easy to tell people how you really feel.
Doug made us wait for a while, then he gave us some K to put under our tongue. He told Lydia and me to relax and take several deep breaths. That was to make sure we remembered to take regular deep breaths while under the influence of the drugs. The drugs melted my brain. I fell asleep. I dreamed of making love to Lydia and Doug. I had no guilt, just happiness. And I remember the dream became very erotic. Doug was taking me from behind. It was very vivid, almost real. These drugs are awesome. I feel the slightest bit guilty, but I think God will forgive me.
Doug has been talking about the Bohemian lifestyle as an alternative to the hectic pace of modern life ever since I met him. He and Lydia finally did it. They started a hippie commune. Doug asked me to do a deep dive on my life and whether or not I am happy and satisfied. I thought about it and, honestly, I’m not happy. I’m happiest spending time with them in Colorado. I realize the life I have been living is a sham. Doug described how the simpler life of a commune is so satisfying. It took me a couple of days to come around, but he’s right. It makes perfect sense. We live in this endless loop of going to work, coming home, eating, sleeping and then repeating and all for what? It doesn’t buy me happiness. It buys me security, but Doug and Lydia can provide the same security. So, I’ve made the decision. Now that I’m back in Texas, I am going to sell my things, settle my affairs and come back to join Doug and Lydia on the commune they have started. Am I anxious? Yes, I am. Lydia sent me a relaxation file that Doug made (his voice) to listen to at night. I don’t think I would trust Lydia speaking into my headphones before I went to sleep.
I’m back in Colorado for good. Goodbye Texas, hello new life. I drove up yesterday and spent the night in Canyon Texas. It’s a very long drive and that is just over halfway. I have been conversing with a fan of Lydia’s on EMCSA who is convinced Doug is a diabolical mastermind intent on turning her into a sex slave. Seriously. But he has some good observations and arguments, so I decided I would drop Doug with my sleep trigger and find out what is really going on. Lydia has been uncharacteristically submissive and quiet of late, so there could be something to this. When I arrived after lunch they were surprised. I decided to come up a few days early to see what was really going on. Doug answered the door and before he could speak, I used an old sleep trigger on him. He went right out. I still have the juice. I walked Doug into the living room and deepened the trance. He admitted to enjoying being dominant, but that was nothing new. The important thing is he has no intention of forcing Lydia to be submissive or turning her into a sex toy.
Now for some other revelations I got out of him. Yes, he did have sex with me when I was hypnotized weeks ago while visiting. That was not a dream. Still feels like a dream, but that is the power of suggestion. That act was not consensual, and I told him so, although I think I have Lydia to blame for that. As for Lydia worrying that Doug was suppressing her, here’s the thing. Lydia has a vivid imagination, and she exaggerates. And I agree with Doug. Her judgement is still suspect from the stroke. I do not think it is safe for her to have full control just yet. Doug says she goes on these crazy buying sprees and he has to send a bunch of junk back from Amazon. I can see why he needs to restrict access to her computer. I hope this behavior corrects itself soon. I have heard of people’s personalities changing after a stroke and sometimes it is permanent. I hope for both Lydia and Doug this is not the case for her.
I woke Doug and had him forget that I had hypnotized him. We had a nice predinner snack and a bottle of wine. Doug showed me around the property and the greenhouse. He has gotten quite a bit accomplished. I’m impressed. I’m excited about the future although I would be remiss not to admit to having some anxiety over this big change in my life.
As for Lydia’s speech and right hand. She seems to have almost completely recovered. She can complete long sentences, although she does have to pause sometimes to search for the right word. Her right hand. She can’t use chopsticks yet. Her hand is a little clumsy, but she can finger type pretty well now.
Two new girls, Cynthia and Tricia joined the commune while I was in Texas tidying up my affairs. Cynthia is 25 and divorced. Her ex husband sounds like a total loser. How do girls end up in these terrible relationships? Use a little common sense. Look for the signs. It’s not that difficult. Cynthia used to be a police officer. I understand she resigned only two weeks ago. Lydia and Doug showed her around and she decided the commune life sounded pretty sweet. Tricia was a waitress and sometimes cook. Now maybe someone can help cook good meals. Lydia is not a bad cook, but she only knows how to make about five different dishes consistently good. Tricia is very pretty, and sweet. If I was Lydia, I might be worried about having her around Doug. She is 20 and has the warm, girl next door smile. I think I will like her despite her good looks. Even without makeup she is a beautiful girl.
So, Doug is the only man and he is in charge. It is his commune, but I prefer a more democratic process. I have to blame myself for this power dynamic. After Lydia’s stroke, at Doug’s request, I placed blocks in Lydia so that she would not use hypnosis to manipulate Doug and possibly make some very bad decisions for their family. The stroke affected Lydia’s judgement. She became even more promiscuous than normal – if that is even possible. Doug was concerned that unscrupulous hypnotists on mcstories would take advantage of her in this fragile mental state. I get it and I agreed. If Lydia tries to use a sleep trigger on Doug, me or anyone for that matter, her conscious mind temporarily goes blank interrupting the trigger. It gives the target of her trigger time to react. In my case, time to drop her in trance and figure out what’s going on. It’s a safety switch. As for Doug, I don’t know what to believe. He is reveling in his new found control – or as he will argue, new found freedom. I don’t blame him. If I were him I would not appreciate being under Lydia’s thumb. Maybe we can find a more equitable compromise for everybody.
I have to get used to this hierarchy, but we have assigned duties. My duties include tending the greenhouse, helping with cooking and cleaning. We also share in babysitting Celeste. She is a ball of energy. Doug explained the commune lifestyle and what he expects of everyone. Personal belongings are allowed, but he wants us to try and start thinking about what’s best for everyone. Personal ownership of material things is what leads to toxic capitalism. I told him I don’t think socialism works and he agreed with me. So, I’m not sure what he is really talking about. Anyway, some of the tenets of the commune life. Everyone is to share everything with everyone else. If your fellow sister needs something, you should willingly share. This includes men. Like boyfriends? This is where I draw the line. This is the so called ‘free love’ lifestyle of the 60s. It is a little foreign to me and hard to wrap my head around. Doug has asked me to watch some videos of life in a commune from the 60s and to listen to some audio files that explain everything. I’m open to that. Knowledge is power. I have been anxious over this massive life change and not sleeping well at night. The audio files that Doug and Lydia gave me to listen to at night are calming. Doug’s deep voice is very reassuring. A non-pharmaceutical chill pill of sorts. I like it.
I am coming around to the idea of “all for one and one for all.” Where did that saying originate? Doug suggested I take a little X and K to help me relax. I agreed. That stuff makes free love sound like a wonderful idea. When I take X I start longing for companionship. I mean close, spiritual, loving companionship. Doug suddenly becomes this intense object of desire. I would never agree to be with my best friend’s husband… normally, but it seems ok on the drugs. I should add that Lydia is encouraging me to enjoy him. This is weird, right? I would be lying if I said this didn’t seem strange to me. She and Doug both asked me not to hold back in describing my experience. I suppose details make for a more interesting read and this is being added as an erotic story. That is my excuse for sharing some of this. I’m slowly getting over my hang ups.
Here goes to the best of my recollection. When I get this aroused I kind of get stupid. Have you ever noticed that in yourself? Doug laid me on my back and pulled down my jeans. I was trembling but began to relax as he talked me down. He began slowly, kissing around my panty edge. I could feel myself becoming aroused. I’m reliving this as I write about it, so bear with me. I think without the drugs this would have been way too awkward and I wouldn’t have liked it.
I stopped journaling last night. The sexual fling was just too close to home and personal. Lydia asked me to please resume my journal entries and not hold anything back.
Ok Lydia, you asked for it. Your husband, Doug, was kissing and licking me right at the edge of my panties. He knows what he is doing and I’m only human, so I responded. He pulled down my panties and stuck his tongue into me. It was … I can’t describe it. It was incredible. I know I’m not the writer that Lydia is, so I’m sorry if I don’t do this justice.
Some of this is a blur, but I remember grabbing Doug’s head and holding him into me while he was lapping at my vagina. He told me to take my top off and then he moved up to my breasts, gently squeezing and licking them. Oh my god!
Doug then parted my legs and pushed himself into me. I’ve had two other men before, and maybe it was the X (or the K), but I have never experienced anything that felt this good. There are no words to describe this. He’s very big and feeling him push against the back of my vagina was… it was electrifying. I am not sure what he was hitting, but it took me over. My body reacted to him without my conscious effort. I was tilting into him and I could hear myself moaning loudly. My mind filled with colors and feelings and wavy lines. I can neither describe nor explain this. I just know that the feelings I have for him are real and this was the best sex I have ever experienced. I can see why people get addicted to these drugs. I remember when I came. I came very powerfully and so did Doug. Doug told me I am doing a great job and he is very proud of me. If Lydia is ok with sharing Doug in this way, then I am not going to argue with her.
I must admit, I feel a deep, spiritual connection to Doug. And he makes me feel safe. I think him being in charge of the commune is logical and I’m ok with it. He seems very fair and cares for our opinions and feelings. Lydia and I share Doug, or should I say, he shares us. Polygamy is not legal in Colorado, but I am, for all practical purposes, like Doug’s wife now. That helps me reconcile reservations with my Christian beliefs and values. The Mormons do it after all and they are Christians. I would not normally share this many personal details with strangers, but somehow, I feel good about doing so. That and the fact that Doug and Lydia told me to do so.
Doug has given me a new audio file to listen to at night. I am grateful that Lydia and Doug have invited me into their lives. Something about Doug’s voice. It is very calming. I very much look forward to listening to him at night.
I will have to return later to finish my diary entry. I need to fix dinner for everyone. There are now five hungry mouths to feed besides Doug.
Ok. I’m back. I fixed my secret spaghetti and meatball recipe for dinner. The garlic gloves and parmesan cheese are what make it so delish. Everyone ate their fill. Tricia complemented me on my culinary skills. Doug entertained us with stories of his days in grad school. He really is every bit as smart (and funny) as Lydia says he is.
I am late for my period. I’m regular as clockwork, so this is worrisome. I know now that the dream I had of being with Doug in January was more than a dream. I don’t know how being pregnant will fly with all the chores I must do every day. I confided in Lydia that I’m late and she told Doug. He came and found me, smiled, and gave me a big hug. My heart melted. I think I’m developing feelings for him. I know I am.
Doug gave me some more audio files to listen to. These are to help me with confidence and motivation. I need to stay on a conditioning and exercise routine so that I have the stamina to complete all of the tasks I’m assigned. Some duties can be quite physical. I listen to Doug every evening. He has a way of explaining things that makes everything so clear. He has three voices going at the same time. Hearing what all his voices are saying takes a lot of concentration. I sometimes fall asleep listening. And I’m going to be completely honest here. I think Doug may be subliminally trying to influence our thinking. I know he is in charge, but he may be extending his control into our subconscious. How do I know this? Well, I don’t know for sure, but I have discovered I have some compulsions and I don’t normally have compulsions. For one thing, I feel a very strong compulsion to listen to his voice each night. It relaxes me and I feel like I need it. But, I’m smart enough to realize I didn’t need to hear is voice 3 months ago. I am going to talk to Lydia and see what she thinks.
Doug came into the room last night and I accidentally called him master. So that settles it. He has managed to wiggle into my subconscious. When I did this, it startled me and then I became anxious. Then I got a wave of euphoria. These are conflicting emotions and very unsettling. I’m not ok with this.
Lydia and I spoke. Master is really just a sign of respect - acknowledging Doug is the leader of the household. After all, he has the money, and he organized the commune. Lydia is right, Doug is our leader, although I am reluctant to call him master. I’m not going to be a thrall for Lydia or Doug or anyone else. Now I have to figure out how deep his influence is over me. When I called him master I got a shiver of euphoria. I feel guilty about liking the feeling. I am going to talk to Lydia again. I think when I agreed to block Lydia from controlling Doug, after her stroke, I might have opened Pandora’s box. Doug is a powerful alpha male. When you let someone like him out of his cage you risk being eaten.
My pregnancy test shows two lines. I’m pregnant! That would only be possible if I had sex with Doug earlier in the month… during my dream. I would have sworn on a bible that was only a dream. Nope. The real deal.
I know a baby wasn’t in my perfectly planned life, but now I’m excited about it. Having a baby one day was always a dream of mine. But finding the time and the right sperm donor was the challenge. That has been solved. Perhaps Lydia will be able to give me hypnotic analgesia when I’m ready to deliver. My chores will change now that I’m pregnant. I will only work 3 hours in the morning, then eat and take a nap, then 3 hours in the afternoon. Both Tricia and Cynthia have confided in me that they want to be pregnant too. Doug is a force of nature. I guess I am lucky that he chose me to be one of his girls. But as I write this, I remain conflicted.
Lydia came into the room and is sitting next to me. She is late for her period. Wonder what that means? Lydia told me that she loves me like a sister. She told me that she wants me to enjoy Doug and that she has zero qualms over this. That helps me feel better. Lydia also confided in me that the audio loops we listen to are, indeed, influencing our thinking. I knew it!
But she says that is alright. She asked me how I feel today versus how I felt 3 months ago. If I’m to be honest with myself, I’ve never been happier. She may be right. Surrendering control is not necessarily a bad thing. Calling Doug master, however, is not something I am going to do. Lydia says it is just a sign of respect.
While I was writing this entry, Doug came into the room and interrupted us. Lydia greeted him as “master”. He has definitely gotten to her. Thank god I’m still clear headed. We can always afford him the proper respect by calling him sir.
I showed Doug my pregnancy test. He is so happy. Lydia told him she is late for her period. He is on cloud 9. He wants to reward us. He instructed us both to bend over and grab our ankles. This seems a little degrading, doesn’t it? Lydia took my hand in hers and said I was not to think about this and just to enjoy it.
My journal entry was interrupted by the unexpected ‘afternoon delight’. He just finished so I can resume my journal entry.
Doug leaned Lydia and me over and pulled down our leggings. My heart was pounding. I am not used to being controlled like this and it creates conflicting emotions. I was anxious and angry and excited all at the same time. I was pondering what to do, what to say. As I was about to object, he entered me. It took my breath away. He went deep. I could feel him hitting my cervix. Wow. He went back and forth between us. Any reservations I had soon melted away leaving only lust. Lydia’s moans only amplified my own excitement. He knows just what to do to make us orgasm. I know this is wrong, but it sure feels right. It is my damn hang-ups that are what’s wrong.
I know these diary entries are to be published as a story. I want to apologize for thinking that Doug doesn’t have a right to my body. He only wants the best for me. He is right. God created woman from the rib of man to be his companion. Doug is in charge and I must obey him and not question him. I know it sounds strange, but when I obey him I feel a profound sense of peace… and happiness. When I resist I feel bad. When I see him in person now and he speaks to me, I usually call him master, but not always. He says it is 100% my choice whether or not to call him master. I’m still getting used to this. He explains all these conflicting emotions I am having in the audio files we listen to at night. Don’t worry about me. I’m fine. And I’m so happy. Happier than I have ever been. I have also witnessed a transformation in Lydia. I haven’t seen her sad once. It is like Doug flipped a switch and she is a different person. She just walks around with a smile on her face. I’m almost there. I think the audio loops we listen to have some powerful mojo. If it cures Lydia’s depression, then thank you Doug! Ha, there! I didn’t call him master!
Lydia’s ‘once upon a time’ thrall, Shelly, is coming up to visit. Doug wants us to make a good impression so she will want to stay. As Doug has repeatedly stated, we are free to leave any time we want. The inducements to stay have to be pretty strong to keep everyone here. So far, no one is complaining.