A Dark Secret

by LydiaSalia

Tags: #cw:incest #f/f

This is an old(ish), archived story I decided to dust off and re-publish. Its about incest, guilt and forgiveness. We all need a little more love in our hearts.

This is Lydia. This is a true story recounted to me by a lady that I hypnotized with a waking trance trigger in a story. She was compelled to contact me and from there I was able to ensnare her fairly easily. I am not all about subjugation. When I encounter someone with psychological issues, or unhealthy weight or any one of a number of issues, I use my hypnotic skills to help them… if I can. Depression doesn’t respond so well to hypnosis, but anxiety does. Guilt does. Addictions do… The list goes on and on. Courtney’s problem was guilt. 

The subconscious is very childlike. Praise goes a long way towards building trust and establishing rapport. I can usually reassure a person’s subconscious to the point they will share things with me they would never share with anyone else. Frankly, I can bring up memories they had suppressed and forgotten about. That is what I did with Courtney.

Courtney was hypnotized as a teenager by her aunt. The hypnotic adjunct of ‘arousal’ was used to compel her to do some things she has guilt over to this day. I will have her recount her story, as she told it to me.

Transcribed on behalf of Courtney

My name is Courtney. I’m a middle aged woman in a loveless marriage carrying a dark secret. I’m Catholic, so I have lived with this guilt for over 20 years.

Aunt Celene, on my father's side, was a congenial hippie type who had the most wonderful smile and demeanor. I loved her like a sister. When I was younger, she was always one to give me a toke or let me stay up late to watch a movie. My parents were going on an adult vacation, so I was going to stay with Celene. We waved as my parents drove off and Celene motioned me into her home to have a cup of tea.

I admired Celene. She was so carefree and so comfortable in her own skin. We watched movies together the first night and had a great dinner. Celene had the most beautiful red hair and, while I felt awkward even thinking about it, the most naturally gifted beautiful breasts I think I had ever seen. She must have seen me looking because she smiled demurely and gave my arm a squeeze.

It was my second night staying with her that she fixed me her 'special brew' of tea. It was something. It made my head swim. I wasn't sure what it was, but I liked it.

Celene called me over to the couch to watch a movie with her. It was Emmanuel. I was a good Catholic girl, so this was almost too much. As the movie played I felt myself becoming aroused. I could not help myself. This was much more erotic than anything I had ever watched. And while I watched, Celene looked into my eyes and said, "Courtney, I love you. I am going to caress you. It's innocent, I only want you to experience pleasure and happiness. My head was still swimming from whatever was in the tea. I imagined, or was it real? ..., that Celene was rubbing my breasts through my shirt. Yes, she was. Rubbing my nipples between her thumb and fingers. I was 16 at this time and a virgin. Was this wrong? How could it feel so right, so beautiful and so pleasurable, but be wrong? Catholic guilt reared its ugly head.

I thought about scripture. I knew my bible verses.

Luke 15:7 ... there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance, or

Romans 3:23 For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God

1 Peter 5:7 Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.

I closed my eyes and allowed the sensations to flow through me. It felt so good. How could this be wrong. Celene was my aunt, but she loved me. She really did. And I loved her. This was not wrong. It was right.

Celene then told me to look at a green emerald pendant she had removed from around her neck. The color was dazzling. I found myself staring at it as she swung it back and forth. I had seen hypnosis on TV before and found it very arousing. I had a hypnofetish from an early age even though I didn't know that was what it was called. I knew Celene was hypnotizing me and it made me so excited.

And then I felt my jeans being unbuttoned and my panties being taken off. It was surreal. It was as if someone else was doing this to me. But it wasn't someone else. I was doing this myself. I was so aroused. Celene was a beautiful soul who only wanted the best for me. My Catholic guilt ran deep, but this was a beautiful gesture between two souls who loved each other deeply. Celene led me to her bedroom and laid me down on her bed. I was trembling as she gently parted my legs. I closed my eyes as sensations shook me to my core. Celene began to lovingly lick just on the outside of my pussy lips. I didn't know that this was called labia at the tender age of 16. She soon inserted her tongue into my slit and I closed my legs against her head. I couldn't help myself.

Celene came up for air, then told me to lay back, to relax and just enjoy. I let my legs part and soon the feelings were just indescribable. I had an orgasm that must have been as close to heaven as one can come without dying. I felt myself squirt a clear liquid onto her face. I was so embarrassed that I had pee'd, but she told me it was female cum and I was not to be embarrassed. I felt so totally loved and I wanted to return the love I felt. She laid back for me and I just did what she had done to me. She soon had a loud climax and I was so happy I could bring her so much pleasure.

Celene and I had many opportunities to enjoy one another. She was beautiful. I loved to see her bare breasts, to touch them, lick them, squeeze them. And she returned the favors. We loved like no two souls ever loved. This went on for many years. And then I did the Catholic thing, got married and had a daughter. I love my daughter, but I was locked in a loveless marriage. When it finally, thankfully ended, I began to look for other outlets to my sexual proclivities. And I met Lydia.

Lydia hypnotized me deeply and I opened up to her. She helped me have powerful orgasms, but her control was too much…. too strong. I became scared and felt like I was sinning against God. I had to leave her. But I feel empty inside. I want to be controlled, but I feel like it is wrong.

Epilogue

This is Lydia writing now. Guilt is something I think every moral person has on occasion. I have guilt, but I don't let it cripple my ability to enjoy life. I just try to slowly change my habits and ways so as to have less guilt. Easy peasy as I like to say.

Let me say one thing that I mean with all my heart. Pay very close attention. Forgive yourself. You are worthy of being loved. God forgives you as you forgive yourself.

This story could be about anyone who has a hypnofetish or any fetish for that matter. I will admit that I went through a period of time when I was owned by another person. This went on for some 6 months (I think). This was a confusing time for me… including the passage of time. My owner caused me a great deal of harm. I was a young girl and incapable of understanding what was happening to me. When I finally broke free, I went through almost a kind of withdrawal. Maybe I'll write about it someday, but for now it's too personal and painful. I'm slowly rebuilding my self esteem. What did I learn from this experience besides that I could be so easily hypnotised and controlled? I learned that I liked being owned. I liked being submissive. At the time I felt terribly guilty about this and I still do to a degree. This fetish or weakness makes me feel... vulnerable. I'm not sure how much of that is my core personality and how much of it was programmed into me. Probably a little of both.

I did write finally about about this in the story Trials and tribulations of Lydia's formative years

Once in college, I decided to master my hypnosis skills and become a dominant for once. I happen to be very good at it. The challenge is to balance your control. I want a person to enjoy the sexuality of surrendering... of being submissive, but without hurting them psychologically. If they want to pay me for my services that is fine, but I will never demand payment.

Adding this almost a year later, I will no longer accept payment for anything I do.  I also will no longer own thralls. That is a part of my hypnofetish past that I think God probably frowned on...

Rather I would like to see them grow as a person. To realize they are special.. worthy of being loved. Some of my subjects can become intimidated and rightfully so. That is why there are boundaries. I cannot force someone to do as I wish - well, certainly not over email inductions.

Generally, the subconscious protects a person from doing anything that might harm them or go against their moral principles. So, if they engage in sex with you, it was their own decision, right? Maybe. Maybe not. I can implant suggestions in a person’s subconscious. I can create arousal. In most circumstances, a person will do as I have instructed because they desperately want to please me or because they honestly believe it is their own idea. That is the difference between your average hypnotist and me. So, I would say that hypnotic compulsion is a form of coercion. But when a person does not feel compelled, when they just want to scratch ‘the itch’ or satisfy a desire they have… is that coercion? It’s a fine line.

I recognize I’m a sinner. I'm a very sexual person and that can create... conflicts. I’m trying to be a better person every day. One of my goals in my writing is to create greater awareness of human foibles, sex trafficking being the worst. Even sex traffickers can be redeemed of their sins. The parable (or historical account) of Jonah speaks to this. Do not judge and you will not be judged. I sure as hell don't want to be judged, so no judgement coming from me, ever...

If you read my story Trafficked, you know how I feel personally. I'm not going to judge the fuckers. Just let me cut their balls off and let God decide what to do with them (metaphorically speaking of course). What does this have to do with anything? We shouldn't feel shame for our kinks. God loves us, kinks and all. Lord knows I have my fair share. Yes, I know, Lord knows...

Why all the religious shit? A fellow erotic writer was surprised when I said I was going to church 'this morning'. He had surmised that I had a spiritual side from my stories, but because my writing can be so 'florid' and erotic, did not expect I was very serious about my spiritual beliefs. Well, I am most of the time. But sometimes I get side tracked by my subconscious. The heart wants what it wants - or more accurately, the subconscious wants what it wants. As long as people like what I'm writing and don't come down too hard on my occasional religious aphorism, I'll keep churning out stories. Who knows, maybe I'll get to one of my readers and they'll 'see the light'.

--------------------------------------------------------

To a very special friend I have met in the hypnokink community

Dear XYZ,

If you can 'divine' from my writing, I research things to the nth degree. I was already beginning to wake up to the realization there was something more to life than just life. Quantum physics suggests reality is very unreal. That sounds like double speak, but bear with me. Every experiment in physics has demonstrated that we define our reality. It doesn't happen until it is observed. Watch this entertaining physics video https://youtu.be/w0ztlIAYTCU . At about 12:40 and again at about 28:00 the narrator makes some profound observations. Free will is at the top of the list. Free will makes sin all but inevitable. Einstein and Heisenberg came to the inescapable conclusion that there was a universal, collective consciousness/intelligence that transcends all space/time both forwards and backwards. The physicists call this a massive neural net. Scientists hate to use the word 'God', but that is what is being described. 'Retro causality time loops' have already been experimentally demonstrated. See the 'delayed choice quantum eraser experiment.' https://youtu.be/H6HLjpj4Nt4

In my short live, I have witnessed a miracle. I am convinced that prayer saved the life of someone close to me and divine intervention 'probably' helped me survive my COVID related stroke without any sequelae.

Back to me. I'm a sinner. We all are. I'm trying to be a better person, but I don't think that happens overnight. I believe God loves us, sinners and saints alike.

Luke 15:7 ...there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance.

So, I try to be a better person every day. I'm loving, giving and nonjudgmental. Is my writing sinful? Probably. Yes, definitely. But one of my goals in my writing is to bring awareness to human sex trafficking. If some 'john' can get off on my writing, maybe he won't partake in actual sex with a trafficked girl. Maybe he will recognize a trafficked girl or child based on her and her handler's behavior and can alert authorities and save her life... Maybe my words can both stimulate libido while also educating my readers about this blight on humanity.

If I don't have a moral imperative to my writing, then I think I must give it up. Read my story Distraction Induction. That and 'A Dark Secret' convey some of my feelings on love, forgiveness and God. And don't forget Julie appearing to me as an angel. I will often reference godly events, but never in an overbearing way. Who am I to proselytize?

I'm an enigma wrapped in a conundrum. 

Love and kisses,

Lydia 🙏

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