40 - Nyx

by Fluxom

Tags: #cw:gore #cw:noncon #D/s #drugs #f/f #graphic_violence #hurt/comfort #scifi #accidental_conditioning #anxiety #blood #depression #disassociation #dom:female #dom:internalized_imperialism #dom:plant #Human_Domestication_Guide #medical_play #mindbreak #paranoia #self_care_is_over_were_doing_drugs_now #self_harm #self_harm_is_over_were_still_doing_drugs #sub:female #xenophobia
See spoiler tags : #awake_surgery #parasite/symbiote #plant_vampirism #sadomasochism #torture

cw for some bug imagery and psychological distress (nobody gets hurt), and a bit of painplay in the therapeutic sense??? (one person gets a little hurt in the fun way)

The implant drawn from Solanum’s flesh appeared like a small millipede, curled inward on itself with it’s many legs slowly spreading out along it’s length. The central column of nervous material was wreathed in black chitinous plates, occasionally dotted with luminescent sparkles of light that broke apart the upper surface.

“Nyx.” Autumn said as she stared at the tiny thing.

Solanum looked up from the tank of ochre material that the implant was floating in. “Nyx?”

“I’ve decided to name it Nyx.” Autumn repeated herself. “It means night, and the implant, well, looks like the night sky. Kind of?” Well, like the night but less than an inch across at the moment.

Solanum hummed quietly as she mulled that thought over. “You know this will become a part of you, right?”

“Of course.”

“It feels a little silly to give it a pet name.”

Autumn shrugged. “Nyx.”

“Nyx it is.” Solanum surrendered the point.

The human nodded confidently as if that was some kind of meaningful battle to have just had, then pointed confidently at the nascent implant. “You’re Nyx now!”

Nyx grew with a startling speed. Whenever Autumn sat in front of the tank and waited she could practically see it begin to bloom outwards. Her initial assessment that it had been like some kind of insect turned out to be true rather quickly as it unfurled out into a straight line, ‘legs’ twitching awkwardly out to the sides as it went. That was an exciting burst of movement on it’s part, which Autumn had practically shouted at Solanum to come over and see when it happened, but then it went dormant for another few hours.

According to the book Sinapis had given her, this was about the state it would normally be implanted into a subject at. Autumn thought that to be a touch surprising, considering how *small* it still was but… it did match up with the implant scars she’d see on other people. She almost wanted to touch it just to see if it’d scuttle about on those tendrous little growths all over itself. However, fortunately for both her and the implant, the tank it was in was completely sealed specifically to prevent such a thing.

Instead, Autumn busied herself between looking through the book and comparing against what she could see in front of her. Chapter 1 history of the haustoric implant, Chapter 2 etymology of the term haustoic implant??? Autumn flipped to that quickly and found it to be a length essay about the affini translating terran languages and constructing the local dialect and- *local* dialect? Autumn grabbed her tablet and punched in a search on affini languages. What greeted her there was a revelation that there were, approximately, 120,000 affini languages within the milky way alone, all engineered to facilitate communication between affini and their new pets.

Autumn shut off her tablet and pretended she didn’t just find out her entire life’s study of xenolinguistics was the equivalent to an afternoon’s tea to the affini. Well, so was the comms engineering most likely so whatever add it to the pile. She was just a big dumb fool anyway who didn’t know what she was doing and- no, no, that’s bad thoughts back to the matter at hand.

Autumn flipped to the title chaptered Anatomy of the Haustoric Implant, took one moment to admire the pretty little illustrations, then flipped to a diagram of an implant early in it’s development. It… wasn’t quite a 1 to 1 match, given that Nyx was jet black and apparently flatter than the standard implant but she could kind of make out what equaled what. Sort of, not really,

Autumn huffed. She should do this later.

By dinner time Nyx had already grown to be about 7 inches long, with intricate vein structures having blossomed out like a set of wings. Autumn sat across from the tank again, Solanum perched behind her with her chin upon Autumn’s head to look at the thing. “According to this book, those should be… vascular ports?” The human asked.

“Very good, little flower.” Solanum purred.

Those were the tubes that would burrow into the blood vessels around her chest, then. Autumn felt a little jolt in her head at the thought of that.

“If it’s like me, then I imagine it’ll be quite pleased once those connect.” Solanum added.

“Flirting, again?” Autumn asked.

“What can I say, your blood is delicious.”

“Well then, look forward to your meal, little Nyx.” Autumn ran a finger along the glass as she spoke. Nyx, of course, did not reply. As far as the book claimed it didn’t have any of the structures to support an independent consciousness anyway. ...right? Autumn looked through the book again. Well, nothing said it *wouldn’t* also have it’s own independent consciousness that would worm it’s way into her brain and delete her personality in place of it’s own and- hrm, was that intrusive thought? That was probably a bad thought. Autumn told herself to stop thinking on that, and then proceeded to think about nothing else but that for about ten more minutes.

“Are you okay, dear?” Solanum asked, arms wrapping a little tighter around her human’s chest.

“This isn’t going to eat my brain and replace me, right?”

Solanum snorted in surprise, sending air blowing out of the front of her throat in the process. “If it were meant to do that, why would we bother with anything *before* implanting for controlling our pets?”

“....okay, that’s fair.” Autumn conceded and promptly stopped worrying about that. Though later that night she did dream of millipedes crawling under her skin, and next morning she awoke clutching her chest waking from the nightmare.

Autumn paced back and forth in front of the tank that contained her implant. It had already grown to 14 inches in length, it’s body having unfurled and folded out overnight to reveal it’s main form looking akin to a pair of tightly wound ropes. Countless needle-like growths lined the bottom side, with more wings of nerve-like structures blossoming along its length outwards. By then the chitinous plates had already withered away into small scales along the forward section of the thing, culminating into a pair of sharpened blades that housed transparent strings between them.

A quick glance through the book described that as the portion that was meant to burrow through the base of her skull and interject with her brain. Thorough diagrams followed that up by illustrating how the blades would dissipate into a soft net of materials over her brain stem, while the thin tendrils would dig higher into her cerebral cortex.

Autumn felt a small twitch on the base of her neck at that. Regret? No, she wanted this. An intrusive feeling of concern? Perhaps. The familiar fading grasp of fear was wiggling its way into her heart all over again. Suggesting that she had fucked up somewhere and everything would go tits up before she knew it and leave her suffering or spinning dead in space.

This was most definitely a case of bad thoughts. Just as she felt ever more negative thoughts try to bloom in her mind as she stood up, purposefully didn’t look out the window, and made her way to Solanum. As the door to Sol’s bedroom slid open an echo of someone wielding a gun at her flashed before her eyes, then dissipated into nothing more than memory. Autumn flinched regardless, body frozen in fear until Solanum’s vines slithered out to embrace her.

“Having trouble, dear?” Solanum asked as she drew the human into her lap.

“Bad thoughts.” Autumn answered quietly. “I don’t think my brain is taking too well to having a purge cycle.”

Solanum quietly closed the file she was working on. “Well dear, I promise once the implant is in I can keep your head free from all those nasty thoughts for the rest of your lovely life. But in the meantime the most I can offer you is warmth, comfort, and if you’re interested,” With a twirl of her wrist Solanum sprouted a familiar apocynai plant. “A little bit of chemical assistance.”

“Am I allowed to have that?” Autumn asked, perking up at the offer.

“It is on the class A list, so as long as you don’t take any four hours before the surgery you can enjoy as much as you wish.”

“Yes, please!” Autumn tried to not seem *too* excited at the offering. Solanum simply nodded as she fully unravelled her arm, forming a familiar mask that she gently placed over the human’s mouth. Another set of vines coiled around her neck before slithering up to brace the back of her head. Autumn sighed in relief as she relaxed into place, body already calming down in anticipation.

“There we go, good girl.” Solanum purred. The mask fastened itself into place around the human’s mouth and nose, blocking off her ability to breathe normal air before a gentle stream of mist replaced it. The familiar taste of drugged air danced across Autumn’s senses, and she breathed in deep to greet it. The fog rolled in through her mouth and into chest, blooming out from there to become a soft blanket of warmth that pushed the fear out of her nerves.

Breath by breath she let more of that fog in, letting herself sink deeper into it’s chemical comfort. As she did the lingering memories of accusing faces and reaching hands drifted further away, followed soon by any vestiges of guilt that tried to weave themselves into her brain. Instead the pleasure of Solanum’s touch replaced them, and Solanum had much more comfort to give her. Fingers laced through her hair, vines traced along her spine, a voice spoke into her ears. All bidding her to sink deeper and deeper into the relaxed state. Deeper and deeper. Deeper…. Autumn yawned underneath her mask, and deeper.

It took barely a few minutes before she slipped completely out of consciousness.

Your Implant and You! Chapter 8 - Long-Term Developments describes in fine detail how the implant would blend with the dura mater, intermingle with the arachoid mater, then spread into the pia mater of her spine in the form of tendrils that spread ever thinner as they grow along the length of her spinal column itself.

Autumn did not actually understand half of those words. Once more sitting in front of Nyx and now vaping some apocynai to keep herself lightly smoked out of her own mind all she really got out of it was that those pointy things along its bottom side were to bite into her spine. Which was neat! And also all the drawings helped to get the idea roughly across, but frankly she already knew that it was kind of a wasted effort to actually try to understand in detail without first getting some fancy new degrees in affini science.

More helpful was the section about how the implant could regulate hormone production in the body, as well as provide some degree of chemical control with xenodrug doses. When Autumn laid down on her back and looked up to peer under the implant she could see the myriad structures that grew with a dance of bilateral symmetry underneath it’s dense network of plant nerves.

The blue ovals near the top were, supposedly, things that would develop in the sides of her neck to act as quick filters to clear her head on command. Supposedly she would feel like she had a nasty cold as those grew in. Scarlet spiralling patterns marked a chemical organ for synthesizing a few select strains of xenodrugs from her own body and send them back into her bloodstream on command. A purple curved object that’d attach to her hypothalamus and spare her from ever having to do an estrogen injection again. Dense strings of pink matter that formed a secondary nervous network off her consciousness to create what was functionally a hindbrain tethered to Solanum’s will. Some orange… thingy. Maybe that was something for her bones? Autumn wasn’t sure about that.

Autumn pressed a finger against the glass, trailing across one of the tendrous growths. “Nyx, do you dream?” Nyx, of course, did not answer. But that didn’t stop Autumn from imagining the small nervous tendrils shooting off electrical impulses in the form of a pleasant dream. Would it affect her dreams, then? Or maybe she’d dream twice at the same time.

...did the implant have a soul? Would it fuse with hers as well? That was, of course, assuming souls were even real. But if it *did* have one and it *did* fuse it’s soul with hers than that would imply that any living material that fuses with her would similarly mingle with hers as well- did that mean she was full of ghosts from eating animal products???? Because if the implant had a soul and it’d fuse with hers form becoming part of her body then anything that she’s eaten that was once alive would also fuse with her bo- what about plants?

Well obviously plants had souls because the affini were around that just made sense. And if *plants* had souls then would lab grown meats have souls? Probably. Well then it made sense to imagine that the implant would have one but also this meant that everything she’s ever eaten had fused with her on a spiritual level and oh my god did that include bacteria or

Autumn bolted upright. “I’m haunted.”

Solanum cocked her head to the side. “...what?”

“Everything I’ve ever consumed in any fashion had a soul and now I’m haunted by all of them because my body is *full* of ghosts.” Autumn said with complete earnestness, now absolutely convinced of this idea.

Solanum paused for a moment to parse that, silently closing her book and setting it aside as she did. “Autumn,” She said calmly. “Are you having complicated thoughts?”

“...yes.” Autumn answered. That would be putting it lightly. In the time between bolting upright and now she had already expanded her theory of cosmic spiritual consumption to include conceptually deriving growth from another entity and thus concluded that the entire crew of the… uh, the… stars what was that ship even called it was her fault it sunk she should at least remember it. But the important part was that she was pointedly not looking out the window because she was convinced if she looked she would see all of their ghosts banging on the glass and trying to get in to steal her soul off into deep space as revenge.

Stars, she wished she was actually hallucinating instead of just suffering from this in the theoretical space inside of her mind. “Would you like me to give you something a bit more concrete to focus on?” Solanum offered. Autumn nodded fervently, and Solanum pulled her up into the affini’s lap. Solanum’s vines deftly pushed Autumn’s skirts up over her legs while they pushed her back into a reclined position, once more wrapping her face in a mask of leaves to dose her with apocynai gas as she did. Another set of vines wrapped around the human’s knees, parting them slightly as the affini moved her legs to expose the outside of the human’s thighs. “Same rules as always apply, red to stop, yellow to slow down, green to continue.”

Autumn closed her eyes and leaned her head back comfortably against the green material beneath it. After a moment she felt a prickling sensation bloom along the flesh of her outer thigh, forming a series of pinpoints that rolled across her skin. She tensed at first, but relaxed once she realized it was just Solanum’s idea of ‘something concrete’ for her. Point by point the sensation crawled from her hip down to her knee, eliciting a gentle nervous tickle that echoed across her leg with the apocynai’s assistance.

Once she had reached the human’s knee, Solanum pulled the mystery tool back up to Autumn’s hip and began again, this time pushing with a touch more force. This time it… hurt? Sort of. But barely. A controlled sort of hurt that pulled Autumn’s consciousness down to the physical level once more and gently asked for her focus. Like a series of pinpricks or needles or, or, oh it was growing on her for sure. The third stroke was even harder, fiercely pressing against her thigh muscles and *demanding* her attention. She gasped in surprise, then her breath faltered as it continued down her leg.

This was… nice. Physical. *There*. A real thing that chased off the phantoms in her brain in place of itself, created and controlled in the safety of Solanum’s arms. “Don’t worry, little one.” Solanum purred softly as she continued sending pinpricks of pain across the human’s skin. “Soon you won’t have to suffer inside your head anymore.”

“Mmmnnh,” Autumn grumbled in response. Couldn’t happen soon enough, she was already jealous of her past self for having all the chemicals making her stumbly and ditzy and more importantly not convincing herself that space wanted to eat her all the time- ow! Her train of thought exploded in response to a slight increase in pressure from the spikes on her leg.

“Would you like to talk about it, love?” Solanum asked.

“Will the implant change me?”

Another rumbling hum resonated through Solanum’s chest. “Elaborate?”

“I’ve read over the book a few times and it talks at length about how it’ll affect my neurochemistry, my health, how it’ll merge with my spine and all of that but like, will it alter who I am?”  Autumn groaned. “I’m not sure how to ask this better.”

“That… is a complicated philosophical question to answer.” Solanum spoke. “I suppose that depends on your view. Do you consider me to be a different Solanum from the one who existed before I rebloomed?”

Autumn tried to mull that over, but found it difficult to much meaningful deep thought against the small points of pain that continued to ground her to her flesh. “Well… no? You’re still the lovely dork I know.”

“Hrmmm and how about when it comes to your xenodrugs? Do you think treating your difficulties to be an alteration of yourself?”

Autumn snorted as a joke bubbled up from her mind before any reasonable answer. “I don’t know, Solanum. You’ve already crushed my weak terran will with your strong imperial xenodrugs.”

Solanum just grabbed Autumn’s head in response, forcing her to look up at the affini and see her eyes flash red with golden lights. “Then I’ll gladly finish your transformation into my adoring pet, dear.” Autumn blinked in surprise, face going bright red in turn, attempting to form a reply where none could manage to fit together. She continued to stutter until Solanum’s facade broke with a series of giggles of her own. “You’re adorable, how did I ever resist you? Anyway, if you want my personal opinion on the matter, no I don’t believe Nyx integrating with your body will change who you are on some deep ontological level. Even in the most extreme cases it’d be more of an assistance in helping you be yourself than anything else.”

“Okay but like what if it did?”

“Then I would calmly but firmly explain to Nyx that it’s overstepping its boundaries and remind it about the importance of consent when it comes to consciousness merging.”

“Okay but like what if it doesn’t care?”

“It’s made from me, isn’t it? Look,” A vine tilted Autumn’s head to the side, turning her gaze back to the now fully unfurled implant growing beside them. The scales that formed along it’s upper side had now fully formed into a trio of blackened plates that raised up off the thing like sails, while the endless array of nervous pins had developed into cruel shapes lined with barbs. A soft pink aura stained the ochre liquid around it, highlighting the darkness of it’s leg-like tendrils that stretched out along it’s sides in preparation for burrowing through her muscles. “Do you think I would be so uncaring?”

“...no, you’re obsessed with my emotional co-ah!” Autumn gasped as the pins on her leg drew a dot of blood. A thin root slithered over and relieved her of the warmth of spilled blood as quickly as it bubbled up. Autumn, meanwhile, struggled to quite recall what she was saying before being interrupted. “Where was I, again?” She mumbled into the mask of leaves around her mouth.

“You were breathing deep and letting yourself drift off to sleep, dear.” Solanum hummed in response.

“Oh okayyy.” Autumn happily breathed in more of the treated air, letting the fog finally slip over her mind and lull her into the world of dreams. There, she lingered amongst visions of the night sky pouring into her body.

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