Abscission

18 - Don't Run With Scissors

by Fluxom

Tags: #cw:gore #cw:noncon #D/s #drugs #f/f #graphic_violence #hurt/comfort #scifi #accidental_conditioning #anxiety #blood #depression #disassociation #dom:female #dom:internalized_imperialism #dom:plant #Human_Domestication_Guide #medical_play #mindbreak #paranoia #self_care_is_over_were_doing_drugs_now #self_harm #self_harm_is_over_were_still_doing_drugs #sub:female #xenophobia
See spoiler tags : #awake_surgery #parasite/symbiote #plant_vampirism #sadomasochism #torture

cw for graphic descriptions of blood and violence, attempted murder, and a (justified?) extreme psychosis episode (nobody dies though)

Autumn felt as if her entire dynamic with Solanum had shifted. Somehow the knowledge of a looming end date made her crawl back from the affini into a layer of isolation. She was more hesitant to lay upon Solanum when she rested, didn’t talk with her as often, and except for the times where it came to update her doses she barely even felt any emotional intimacy anymore. It was like their whole life had suddenly just run out of gas in five seconds.

Autumn chose to fill the void this left her in with more frequent and aimless outs about town. She couldn’t stomach staying at her temporary home anymore anyway. To do so left her with a rising sense of dread all around her, and she was afraid that if she stayed there longer than a night’s sleep it’d all surge up and drown her at once.

An intrusive thought suggested she should just lash out and force Solanum to change her mind about releasing the little terran.

Autumn chased that intrusive thought with more strange drinks from affini restaurants. The next day the thoughts returned, followed by more chasing, followed by more intrusive thoughts, and then four days after that Autumn’s deliriously drunk ass was deposited at Solanum’s doorstep by some kind affini who took pity on the poor woman passed out in the middle of the street.

Solanum wasn’t particularly happy about that, but the harsh words she gave the human dulled into a white static across Autumn’s mind. She had just sat there and stared forward, feeling a haze overcome her that left her asking what was the point of it all? She went through the motions of apologizing and sought the solitude of her bed afterwards.

The next day Solanum said something to her. She didn’t really pay attention to it though. Something about wanting to talk or about her medications or something. She just walked right past Solanum and left the hab entirely. Her gaze lingered out the window, trying desperately to picture herself Somewhere Out There but only found images of herself alone and in the dark every time. She trailed a finger against the warm surfaces of the outer windows and instead pictured herself drifting through the vacuum of space.

Bad thoughts. She paused, instead staring at her reflection in the glass. Maybe this was the blade twist. Mess with her head, fuck with her body, render her completely detached from her past life and then abandon her entirely. Was that the trick? Was THIS the part where fears of betrayal became scars of the past?

Autumn paused.

What was she *doing*? She needed to turn back and apologize to Solanum. Do something about her prescriptions. Maybe actually manage to pin down Solanum for a talk, too. The thought of doing so raised another painful knot in her guts but she knew it was the right thing to do.

But first, ice cream. She should relax with some ice cream and sort her thoughts and THEN confront Solanum.

Autumn felt that everything could be solved with ice cream, and she told herself often that it was a science fact and not just her excuse for some sweets. Not even the crowds could bother her with the promise of sweet delicious ice cream ahead. Not the stares from the humans or the longing glances she’d get from some affini, or the person who bumped into her shoulder- wait was that one familiar? She turned after the person who bumped into her to apologize, but was struck for a moment by the feeling that she had seen them before. But they were gone in the crowds right after. Weird.

Autumn didn’t think anything else was wrong until she slipped mid-step, then a few steps later the crowd started to gasp and pull away from her. She didn’t look THAT weird, did she? Autumn tried to ignore that and kept walking. About three steps later her left leg suddenly went limp and she collapsed on the floor.

Autumn didn’t understand what just happened. She tried to sit up, but someone was already above her with their hand on her shoulder. They were saying something… vague. She couldn’t quite make it out beyond a sudden wave of malaise that hit her. Someone was trying to touch her stomach? She looked down and first noticed the streak of red that had trailed behind her and painted up her leg. Only after a hazy few seconds later did she notice the knife sticking out of her gut.

Oh!

She’d been stabbed.

That’s probably why she feels so weird.

….wait, shit, she’d been *stabbed*! Autumn looked up at the faceless crowds that circled around her. Several had their phone in hand already recording. A few were crouched down around her, reaching out towards her. One of them wanted to kill her. In a dull haze she reached out towards the knife and felt the familiar ridges of it’s handle brush against her fingertips. Terran Navy standard issue. A series of numbers were marked on the side of the blade. 
 
She felt a burning sensation bloom out from the wound in short order.

Her fingers traced the serial number. Someone was trying to talk to her but she didn’t hear it over the ringing in her ears. VD-88509.

VD-88509. Memories flashed through her mind of seeing that same serial number countless times in her life. From the moment it was first issued to her with her uniform aboard the Verdant Dawn to the many nights spent tucking it under her pillow Just In Case.

This was *her* knife.

Autumn’s eyes shot back up to the faceless masses surrounding her. Someone shoved aside her hand and put pressure around her wound. Someone else was trying to talk to her. Someone was calling on their phone. Someone wanted to kill her. Autumn screamed, flailing out at the people surrounding her until someone grabbed her arms and held them down. All at once the awareness of pain rushed through her body, announcing a burning sensation from the wound followed by horrible stabbing sensations arcing across the left side of her body. Her leg felt numb and wouldn’t respond to her commands. Everything was too hot and too wet and too THERE.

Someone in that crowd wanted to kill her. To use her knife meant it was a statement. To do it in public meant it was a statement *to other people*. Who was it? Terran Accord stragglers? Rebels? Did they know? Did everyone know? Her vision swam into black shapes dancing around her. Everyone knew. Of course everyone knew. This was probably planned by all of them. Hell, maybe even the affini knew! They were going to abandon her out into space anyway weren’t they!? It was all part of some grand conspiracy just to hurt her after all!!!

Autumn screamed and struggled against the weights pinning her down. She cursed them out, cursed the terran fleets, the rebels, then the affini compact as well. She shouted until gloved hands grabbed her face and pinned a mask against it, then screaming against the plastic even as the fumes were pushed into her lungs.

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